


Heavens Afar

by Celestial_Sphere



Series: Constellations [1]
Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-04-10 13:54:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 85,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4394438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celestial_Sphere/pseuds/Celestial_Sphere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Book 1 of 3 from the Constellations Triology* It was a myth. A story. Something my mother had merely whispered into my ear as we lay half-starving in the cool darkness of our cottage. A search for the blue dragon. A reincarnation that called for a reunion with his presence. And so I left. And searched. But what I found was more than I bargained for and yet, so heartwrenchingly forlorn that I was not sure whether it was a prayer or a curse that lured us to each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A recent conversation with someone on the idea of reincarnation of the original dragon warriors kick-started a playful idea for what it would be like to have one of the warrior's first wives be reincarnated back into this life cycle with them and be sort of knowledgeable about their first lifetime together. Which turned into this. So please enjoy!
> 
> WARNING: There are some talks of assault/physical battery that will be scattered throughout this work, so please be aware of them if they happen to be a trigger to you. I will update the warnings as needed once the work progresses.

**CHAPTER 1**

Billowing gray fog filled the once fragrant, green forest that whizzed past me with frightening intensity. My heart jolted in my chest as my field of vision continued to close into a small gap just a few inches before my racing body. Soon it would be too late to do anything but look for cover and wait for the moments of blindness to pass. Everything was churning, expecting the incoming drop into eerie visionlessness, but the fear fueled me to take one more step, one more running leap over a jutting tree root in hopes of ridding myself of this horrid forest forever.

There was no destination in sight, nor a oddly benevolent string of fate that wound itself around my heart. People from this corner of the Earth Kingdom- the people of my lineage- were plagued with existing at the bottom of all the squalor the so-called leader of Kouka collected, and in recent times, had found it worse than most. Villages were eaten by plague, ripped apart by dying crops or dwindling supplies, and battered into the dirt by twisted soldiers who dare lie about upholding their duties to the people. It was a world torn asunder from the inside out; a terrify mix of death, destruction, and dishonesty that would send any sane person packing.

The fog amplified itself when I paused to catch my breath, swimming until I could see only a brief speck of colored foliage before me. My body was screaming for me to give in and rest wherever I had found myself in the heart of the forest, but I gritted my teeth and barreled on blindly ahead. Wheezy, frantic puffs of breath pushed through my lips as my vision blurred and I could no longer tell what direction I was running in. It was dangerous to run haphazardly like this, but if I wanted to find what I was looking for, there was no time to sit and be weak.

My foot caught on something as the slope suddenly descended beneath my feet, and I was sent flying into the air, only to topple onto the ground shortly in a bevy of pain. The muscles in my legs had given up, and no matter how hard I grunted and attempted to push myself off the ground, my limbs would not obey me. Angry tears fell from my clouded eyes as I struggled to drag myself through the dirt in hopes of finding a tree to hide myself against; no matter how hard I fought, something always came to stop me before I could get my hopes up.

Bird began picking up their songs again as I huddled myself into the dirt, and I wanted to scream at them to take their blissfully happy songs elsewhere. There was no happiness left in this life for me. I scoffed. No; there had never been happiness. I was a lucky soul born in an unlucky world who would not merit favor. I was not the stuff made of legends, nor did I care. I just wanted to save my own hide, and live to show those who told me I wouldn't survive this life that I continued to take one more breath.

~

Warmth flooded my limbs, and I huddled myself beneath it with little care. A soft breeze passed across my exposed face and neck, and I shivered as it seeped beneath my skin. I pressed my nose into the soft, fur-like material that jutted over my weary body, and I found myself relishing in the touch. Ah, such radiating heat. Hadn't I promised myself that once the weather improved, I would spend the better part of my time hunting down a larger prey for some fur and decent meat?

But as far as I knew, I had not found hide nor hair of a best larger than a small hare or slithering snake under foot. Then how- My breathing hitched. The fur that had once filled me with blissful comfort was now an ensnaring blanket that kick-started my anxiety in one fell swoop.

Someone had found me. The time to be at peace was long gone.

My eyes flew open, and I found myself laying surrounded by bushes and a few half-opened burlap sacks. The fogginess, like usual, was gone when I awoke, though the pain of running for my life seemed to latch itself onto every fiber of my being until it almost suffocated me. My ankles were swollen and tender, jolting with stabbing waves of pain at the mere flexing of my stiff, battered toes against the dirt. There was no way I could walk much farther today, if at all; whoever found me had me trapped.

There was a faint tinkling of laughter somewhere in the distance, and I frowned at the carefree sound of it. There were at least three voices echoing there, if not more. It was a bigger contingency than I assumed; a band of thieves or vagabonds was the last thing I needed at this point in time. There was little I could offer them outside of my dwindling supply of money, and from the sounds of it, perhaps my body.

One man by himself could be dangerous enough, let alone three all together. I frowned. I knew that fact all too well. The soldiers who dared say that they would protect our village had been the very ones to rip it apart from the inside out. One glance- no, one breath of existence- in that place as a woman meant trouble. My mother had learned that so quickly, and from there was where my rage had grown. She used to complain and tell me that my anger would solve nothing, but neither did her silence when the men came to grab her through the door of our house when they grew bored.

I screwed my eyes tight as the wave of anger, remorse, and loss echoed through my body. Her compliance was what had ultimately gotten her killed. And ruined me. I had to complete this quest; for her, for myself, and this fabled line running through my veins.

Muted footsteps rumbled against the ground a few yard ahead of me, and my shoulders tensed at the thought of the bandits coming to check on me. The footsteps stopped for a moment, and were replaced by a soft rustle through leaves. A soft squeak pricked at ears, and grew louder until I felt a faint breathing beating down on my cheek.

I cracked one of my eyes open, blinking slowly as what appeared to be a squirrel cocked its head at me. It was standing in the dirt only an inch or so from my face, throbbing with the colors that pulsated in waves from the forest all around me. My eyes were laden with pain- the usual aftereffect of pushing my body well past its limit- and I thought for a moment that the squirrel was a passing autumn leaf my mind had tricked me with. Animals never approached humans so openly; not here in the forest, where one fell swoop of my hand could mean their sudden end.

The squirrel remained steadfast, though it did give a chirp of delight as it noted how I held its gaze for much longer than a hazy blink. It scampered to my side, nuzzling the contour of my face as if it had known me far longer than the past few moments we had both been aware of each other. It's warmth was so gentle, so foreign to someone like me who had spent the last few months running for my life away from people in search of something I wasn't even sure was more than a fable that I found myself weeping.

A sudden crunch through the bush in front of me halted the tears in an instant, and the squirrel lovingly tucked itself beneath my chin with another chirp of incandescent joy. My eyes lifted to see a set of arms pushing through the bush to reveal a hunched form, and my breath caught as my gaze held tight on the white bone mask that covered a better part of the man's face as he pushed through the bush. I could not see his eyes, and for a moment, all I could do was gawk in utter terror as the empty, almost hollow-like expression on his half-exposed face echoed in my mind.

“Is she awake?”

A gentler, feminine voice put in not far behind him, and the man offered a brief jerk of his head before closing the bush between us. His footsteps faded away quickly, and two smaller sets of movement filed in as his no longer remained. The bush moved again, and I braced myself; the group was coming to get what they wanted out of me.

But the pair of teenagers who came- a petite boy probably no older than fourteen in a mint green tunic and dirt-stained pair of trousers and an equally petite girl with raging hair the color of the morning sky dressed in a rose colored vest and light pink robe – did not approach me with weapons nor hatred in their eyes. They simply offered a wary smile, and kept their hands full with what appeared to be a steaming bowl of food and a skin of water dutifully bent in front of their bodies.

The danger was still there, even if it wasn't as imposing as I assumed it would be. Kindness could merely be a facade to try to gauge what they could get out of me.

The boy halted the girl a few steps away from where I lay, and gestured for her to put the water skin down on the ground. She did as he asked, and soon the food and water were within my reach without their presences bearing down over me. Still, I was reluctant to take the bounty of sustenance they offered. No one gave in this world without expecting something in return. One bite could mean my body in exchange; I could be allowing myself a horrible beating, or worse, once I lifted that spoon to my mouth.

The girl seemed to notice my hesitation, and gave a reassuring smile that last only a moment. Her face was pale, and the deep circles under her eyes signaled that she too had seen better days. They must have been on the road for some time; they did not appear to be the well-off bandits who captured passerby or unconscious women like me to improve their situation.

“The food is safe to eat.” She lifted the spoon to her mouth and took a bite to give some credit to what she was saying. “As is the water. You need sustenance and hydration.”

She returned the spoon to the bamboo bowl, and pushed it out towards me. Gods, did it smell delicious! I could not remember the last time I had any kind of porridge; the chalky, bitter taste of tree roots and the charred remains of small game had been my only source of nutrition in this desolate land. My belly clenched; only a fool would turn down safe food in this sparse forest.

While I knew the food would still come with a price, I no longer cared. To ensure myself able on carry on my quest, I would take whatever help in whatever form it came, even if I knew the consequences. I weakly lifted myself until I could hunch over and take the bowl, shrugging off the white, furlike material that had been draped over my body so that I could hold the bowl in both of my hands. The squirrel that had been pressed under my chin now clambered across my collarbone to sit balanced against one of my shoulders. The spoon was shaking in my hand as I looked at the concoction of fresh mushrooms, roots, and rice pooled around some shreds of meat and sauce.

If the smell had been anything short of heavenly, the food passed divine. The savory, earthy tastes lingered on my unsuspecting tongue like physical bliss itself. I was ravenously shoveling down the food, only hissing in pain once or twice as the heat licked the inside of mouth. The other two laughed as I ate without discretion and chugged down cool mouthfuls of water while screwing my eyes at how foreign it felt to have something fill my hungry belly for once.

“Was it good?” The girl tilted her head to watch me lick at my lips to savor the lingering oils trapped there. I nodded slowly, and she turned to beam a smile at the boy. “See, Yoon. I told you that your cooking really is the best!”

The light-haired boy beside her flushed slightly, but narrowed his eyes in attempts of appearing unmoved by her soaring compliment. “I have to make do with the little we have. It's nothing special.”

I lowered the bowl into my lap and dipped my head in thanks. My mother had taught me to always have manners, especially if someone attempted to give you something you needed. The boy's blush deepened, and he crossed his arms over his chest before answering. “You're welcome. It's the least we could do when that damn idiot ran off and brought you back into camp like you were a sack of potatoes.”

I raised my eyebrow, and the girl stifled a laugh at my confusion. “You had passed out somewhere in the forest while we were stopping for our evening meal, and one of our comrades found you and brought you here to be safe with us.”

“He was here just a moment ago.” The boy jerked his head in the direction of the bush. “That squirrel on your shoulder is his, as is the furry mane.”

I gave the squirrel a long side-glance, and moved to gently scratch its chin. The creature chirped in joy, and I looked down at the fur with a bemused look of confusion. So much kindness all in one day; the price they must be asking for helping someone so helpless like me must be far steeper than I could afford.

Knowing it was better not to linger where I wasn't wanted, I dug around in my chest binding to pull out the last dented, dirty brass coin I had to my name, and placed it on the ground beside the bowl and water-skin. The two teens looked at it for a quick moment, before glancing up at me as I struggled to stand to my feet. Gods, everything was throbbing unbearably, but I couldn't stay. The more help these people gave me, the more I would owe them in ways money could not pay.

“Wait, don't go!” The girl called after me. “Your feet need to be bandaged. And your wounds-”

I cut her off with a sweep of my hand. My face was scrunched in pain and shame as I gently placed the squirrel down at my feet. I gestured to the coin on the ground, and made a clear signal that showed that that meager trade was all I could offer them in return for what they had already given me. I had nothing else to offer them. Surely the girl would understand that I held some faint glimmer of womanly pride that would not let me give my body just to see my feet cleaned and bandaged, or my wounds disinfected and packed with herbs.

“We don't want your money.” The boy put in flatly, and I felt my arms tighten against my torso until I felt my ribs pinch. Of course they wouldn't; it wasn't enough. It never was. “We don't need anything from you. It'd be stupid of us to let you just walk off on your own in that condition. You won't last much longer that injured.”

The surprise at his intuition threatened to keep me here, but I shook my head to shake it off. He was right, but I was too stubborn to refuse help. My mother had always said my spirit burned too brightly for someone like me; it was the curse of my unwavering soul. There were no words I could speak, nor would I allow myself to tell them how wrong they were. People did not help others out of the goodness of their heart anymore. Even if the old king had believe in peaceful non-violence, it did not mean his people agreed.

I took off through the bushes in the direction away from them, wincing as my battered feet bounded over sharp rocks, twigs, and uneven ground. The two of them called for me to stop, but their voices garbled into nothingness as the trees thickened. My eyes were throbbing even worse now, and the colors were beginning to spin in a tumbling cycle of greens, browns, and russet. My stomach was churning, and I knew that if I stopped moving, I would spew the contents of that wonderful meal all over the forest floor and be back at square one again.

A sudden blur of blue passed on my left, and I instinctively trudged on in the opposite direction. But just when I thought I had swerved my retreat away from it, it lunged forward and moved to block my path. I barreled into a warm body, lashing at it when a set of steady hands came to hold me in place by my shoulders. I snarled, but suddenly quieted as I realized it was the same masked man who had come to see me before. He had come all that way after me? It seemed inhumanly possible for him to have caught wind of me leaving so quickly and caught up to be so quick.

I frowned. The boy from before was right; I was much weaker than I thought I was. I could not run to save my life anymore; not that there was much of a life left to live.

The tears streamed down my face as I gave into the defeat. I hiccuped, wishing so fervently at that moment for my mother's fables to be true. That there was someone out here who was looking for me to relive our intertwined fates from thousands of years ago. I wished for it so badly I thought my body would disintegrate and leave the story undone. It would give my weary legs the soaring hope they needed to walk another day.

My legs crumpled beneath me as the momentum of no longer running caught up with me, but the man was one step ahead of me. He bent me into his body, cushioning my descent so that we both fell in one slow, steady drop to the ground. It was only when I sat that he removed his hands with a quickness I understood to be uncertainty. Whoever this man was, I seemed to be continually perplexed by his depth of kindness.

He nodded at me when he noticed me staring into his ivory mask, and for once, I wondered what colored eyes this strange man held. My heart lunged at the childish urge to see them, but when my hand moved to touch his mask, he caught it without forcefulness and shook his head. Perhaps he had marred his face, or had some terrible disease that had left most of his face twisted. Perhaps he was growing blind, and did not wish for me to see the cloudy film that now covered his once alert eyes. The mystery mesmerized and amazed me, but I did not press for more. He was a man; my stomach churned. It was more than enough to convince me that I did not want to know more.

“Come.” He nodded back in the direction I had fled from.

I shook my head with some force. I could not allow myself anymore help.

He waited for me to move, and when I did not, slung me over his shoulder like I was nothing more than an empty burlap sack. I yelped at the sudden intrusion, and pummeled my fists into the man's back to attempt to have him drop me. He held steadfast, and continued at the brisk pace he set once I had safely been in his position. My temper flared; why did these people seem to disregard everything I did as if I had no sense?

I was placed gently back onto the ground once a bevy of familiar voices warbled in the air around us, and found myself now surrounded by a larger group of people. The man who had rescued me was there, along with the two teenagers from before and two additional men. I had been right in thinking this group was large, and from the formidable look the dark-haired man joining us offered, they had more than enough power to do harm to anyone that crossed their paths. I clenched my fists into my robe; this was not a situation I found myself comfortable with.

“First time I've ever heard of someone running away from having free help.” He confessed before giving the girl beside him a humored smirk. “You two must have scared the living daylights out of her.”

The girl pouted. “We didn't do anything out of place.”

“It's true.” The other boy from before nodded slowly in agreement. “She offered us some money for the meal, refused to have us treat her, and ran like the royal army itself was on her heels.”

The white haired man turned his deep blue eyes to look at the others. “Which is understandable. I doubt that she expected to find any help in the forest while being in such a condition.”

“Still, she's a tough one.” The dark-haired man's smirk had landed on me. “Walking around barefoot in this place takes guts that most of you wouldn't have.”

The fair-haired boy frowned as I shuddered under the man's attention. “Trust me, we know.”

“Right.” The girl clapped her hands to bring order back to the group. Her soft eyes landed on me, still trembling slightly, and she offered a patient smile. “Now that Shin-ah's brought her back, Yoon can treat her safely while we hear her story.”

“If she'll share it.” The tall, dark-haired man beside her seemed reluctant to believe I'd say anything. “She may not have anything pleasant to tell us.”

“Have some decency, Hak.” The white haired man shot him a look of reprimand. “It isn't kind to speak of people when they're right in front of you.”

“Shin-ah,” The girl looked over where I sat to the masked man, who had not budged an inch from his spot a few inches behind me. “Could you help her to our fire please?”

I heard him make a noise of agreement, and I was yet again tossed over the man's shoulder. The walk to the fire was much shorter than our return had taken, and I was just as cautiously placed beside its warmth as I had been before. I huddled my legs close to my body and wrapped my arms around my shinbones. The group didn't desire to rid themselves of me any time soon.

Each of the five slowly made their way around the fire, strategically placing themselves at the outer reach of the flame's heat as not to impose on me. Yun and the girl from before were the only ones who approached, and sat in front of me with a knapsack opened between them.

“Here.” The girl gestured for my hands, and I offered them to her with some reluctance. A warm, familiar feeling of fur was cradled in my palms, and I felt the squirrel from before curl itself into my hold. “Ao seems to have taken a liking to you. Hold her for a while if you'd like.”

I secured the squirrel against my chest as Yoon began to work on my feet. The compress he offered was cold at first, but he slowly slid it across the different arches in my foot to dab salve or wrap a festering blister as needed. Neither he nor the girl said anything, and I did my best to keep my silence. My body did tremble and there were quite a few instances when I would yelp at the removal of a stubborn splinter or stitch of a deep gash, but each time I did, Ao would nuzzle my fingers with the side of her face and give a reassuring squeak to keep me from bolting off again.

By the time Yoon had finished, the sun had already set and darkness was beginning to fill the forest all around us. I felt weary and battered, though I was thankful for the patience the teen had with me at times when I knew I wouldn't have if I was in his shoes. The girl had walked off to join the other four men, and had quietly been discussing something out of my earshot until Yoon stood to his feet.

“Rest here awhile, and try not to put any pressure on your feet.” He instructed while gathering his medicinal items back into his knapsack. His aquamarine eyes were cautious, but thorough as he looked at his handiwork, and he offered a fleeting smile of understanding. “They'll be in enough pain as it is, so you probably won't want to move any time soon. I'll go brew some tea to help ease your muscles.”

“Should we give her some loquat juice?” The girl offered. She had returned from her talk with the others, and was giving us both a small smile.“It might help her body rehydrate sooner.”

Yoon nodded. “Smart thinking, Yona. Pass the skin over this way; I'll fill her a cup.”

“I'll do it.” She offered before looking at Hak and the white-haired man. “Hak, Ki-ja, go and gather some more firewood. We'll need to keep the fire going a little stronger to warm our guest.”

“It'll be our pleasure.” Hak grumbled before moving to sling a joking punch at Ki-ja. “You heard the lady, White Snake. Let's get going.”

Ki-ja narrowed his eyes at Hak, but the expression eased as he looked to the girl. “We'll be back soon.”

“Be careful!” She called after them with a beaming smile. “And don't do anything stupid!”

Yona moved around the fire near me, taking a skin from the side of the trunk she had been reclining against as she sat beside me. Yoon had passed her a cup from the far side of the fire, and she poured a small quantity of it before extending the cup out to me. I placed Ao against my belly, and the squirrel sat without complaint when I moved to take the cup from the girl's hands.

I sniffed at the fragrant liquid, then took a short sip. It was slightly bitter, but nicely sweet once the tang dissipated. My parched throat was no longer dry and scratchy; it was clear this juice did exactly what the girl had said it would.

“It's good huh?” I offered her a short nod. Her face lifted. “I'm glad. You must be worn out. How long have you been on the road? Do you have a name?”

The cup was transferred to one of my hands so I could scribble in the dirt beside me. I slowly traced the number 3 into the dirt. I then turned to scribble the symbols for my name, and grimaced as the familiar word sent echoing memories of my mother into my ears.

“Ming-hua.” Yona seemed awed by my flourishing name; my mother had given me the name in hopes of having something grand to me. She always murmured how beautiful a flower became when it bloomed in adversity; it remained to see tomorrow, and the bright hopes it brought to the earth. I was nothing like my name sake; I plowed foolishly on ahead for my own sake. There was nothing beautiful or resilient about me. “How pretty. It must have been hard to be alone for three weeks? Or is it three months?”

I drew the symbol for month into the dirt; it had been closer to four now, but I didn't feel like telling the whole truth to a stranger who probably did not care. “That's quite a long time. Do you have a family somewhere? A husband maybe?”

I made a face of disgust before shaking my head. There was no way on this green earth any man would want to offer me his partnership for anything other than a quick rendezvous. I imitated a man by squaring my shoulders and puffing my chest, before pretending to hold a sword in my hands. My father had been sent off long ago to work as a solider and had never returned. I mimed the sword running through my heart and shrugged. Yona nodded that she understood, and I mimed a swaying a baby and cooking- a mother's work- before offering a forced cough and an x with my arms. Disease had came rampantly once the soldiers retreated with the new king's coronation. They had more pressing matters than torturing sickly peasant people who were dying of malnutrition and gods know what else.

“And where exactly are you going?” She asked gently. “Is there someone or somewhere you need to get to?”

I shrugged. Who knew? Mama had always prayed that I would be the one to see some valiant tale be brought to glory again, but I doubted it was actually true. It was a foolish dream she clung to to make the miserable, deplorable conditions we lived in like a trial of some sort. There seemed to be no magic left in this world; whatever fairy tale she believed in might have been a farce.

Still, I tried my luck, and drew few symbols that made sense into the ground: a crown, a pair of eyes, and a warrior. It was the only clues I really had to go on at this point. Stupid, childish pictures from my mind that my mother's words had conjured. A foolish dream I wish I could have laid to rest with her death.

Yona sighed. “I'm sorry. I don't understand what exactly you're trying to say.” I didn't blame her; most times I had a hard time understanding my attachment to this story too. “Can you speak to me?”

I frowned. No; the words had left the night the soldiers had made me their next target. It was safer if I made no sound; my sins could remain safe within me.

“I thought not.” She murmured. Her face was filled with soft grief, and a single tear fell from her eyes. “How horrible. This must all be so difficult for you to deal on your alone.”

I was flustered by her empathy, and moved to frantically grasp her hand in one of my own. I offered a fleeting smile of reassurance before removing my hand to gesture to the woods all around us, the fire, and lastly her. This kindness was more than I could have ever dreamed of; it sole presence made the disheartening passing of dismal, traumatic times seem far away. Her warmth rekindled the little human emotion I had left, and reminded me that there may be some goodness left on this planet. If it existed in me, it could exist in another with even stronger resonance.

The somber look morphed into one of tender happiness. “Thank you. I'm glad that we were able to help you.”

“It's Shin-ah she should be thanking.” Yoon had returned from behind Yona at the fire with a steaming cup of something that smelled like meadow flowers and mint. “If he hadn't dashed off into the forest without informing us, I'm sure Hak would have stopped him before he could reach her.”

I turned my torso to look at the man in question. He was standing calmly as he had been before, and didn't seem at all flustered by my unwavering gaze. It was astounding; how had he found me so deep in the forest so quickly? Still, he had saved me none the less, and I offered the most humbly reverent bow I could manage. Without him, I would have never found these people and the generosity they gave so selflessly to someone like me.

Unlike before, Shin-ah now seemed a little flustered, and jolted in shock at my silent gratitude before fidgeting with his hands. It was hard to tell what sort of expression he was making from behind the heavy mask he wore, but I'm sure it must have been as nervous as I imagined it to be. His reaction left me smiling, truly smiling, and the action, although foreign, was one I clearly missed.

“Beautiful.” Yoon breathed, and I turned to see the boy's cheeks burning at my inquisitive stare. Was he talking about me? It was hard to believe it was. After all, I was a scraggly girl with mundane black hair, cloudy gray eyes, and marred skin. There was nothing pleasing here; not after the soldiers had had their way. He pursed his lips and hurried to close the top of his satchel.“I-I mean, you would be, if you weren't all covered in cuts and bruises. You're lucky we're the ones who stumbled on you, and not someone else. They would have done you a lot of harm.”

I nodded deeply. Little did he know that I knew that truth better than any of them. If you traveled alone, you were more vulnerable than you were when you traveled in a group. Ambush was a high probability if you chose to skirt the main roads, and attack from wild beats were inevitable if you opted to travel in the deeper parts of the untraveled forest. You had to be lithe, agile, and productive with your time. One wrong move and you could end up in a set of circumstances you couldn't unravel with one decision.

“Still,” Yona sighed happily. “She's found us, and that's what matters for now.”

Yoon nodded his agreement. “I agree.”

The other two returned not long after, and oddly, the amiable aura we had shared on their outing remained steadfast with their return. Hak had moved make a quip at something Yona had said to Ki-ja, and the girl was soon pouting in joking retaliation to whatever the broad, dark haired guy had said. The white-haired man came quickly to her defense, and even Yoon seemed drawn into the banter as he offered a sarcastic remark in turn. I watched, mesmerized, as the group seemed drawn to this girl with beautiful hair and a genuine smile; a bevy of suitors was what they were. Yona was pretty, young, and wholesome despite whatever situation she was in. The complete opposite of a disgusting scrap of existence like me who dreamed more than she thought.

The group was soon disbursing themselves with yawns into the dirt around us, giving their good nights to one another with affection before resting their heads. Hak was the only one who did not seem to budge, and sat quietly while watching the group as they each drifted to sleep. Everyone, oddly, offered me a wish for pleasant dreams, and I nodded, so oddly perturbed at the notion of having people genuinely remember I existed.

Still, I knew that when morning came, they would have to part ways with me and be off wherever they were journeying to. This group seemed to have some kind of common bond; whatever it was, it had nothing to do with me. Although a night surrounded by people and not wild animals was blissfully wonderful, I understood that it would be short lived. And tomorrow morning, I would swallow my tears, thank the group again in my own way, and be off in hopes of finding any small clue I could to proving my mother's fable as truthful.

A sudden warmth came to fall around my shoulders, and I jerked my head up to see Sin-ah dropping the fur pelt back over my shoulders. He did not smile, though I could tell from his stance that he meant kindly by the gesture. I offered a fleeting smile in exchange and held the white fur close to my skin. Its warmth was unlike anything I had ever felt before, and its familiar scent flooded over me like a wordless story.

He nodded when I lifted the now sleeping Ao in my hands out to him, and gingerly allowed me to maneuver the slumbering squirrel into his outstretched palms. The animal seemed to know its master and buried himself even deeper into Sin-ha's hand. The man made a small sound of humor at his pet's antics, and a fleeting expression appeared on his face. The look was genuinely amused, and I could only tilt my head and be warmed by its appearance. He seemed to notice my lingering look and fidgeted again before heading off somewhere behind me to rest.

Hak seemed to be the only one awake at this point, though when I turned to look at him, the imposing warrior of some sorts had the hilt of his lengthy weapon resting against his shoulder as his eyes remained closed. I knew it was a brief way to recuperate some strength; he was listening without having to watch. He must be weary of me, despite the group's casual inclusion of me. I didn't blame him. A few scant hours and feigned muteness would not win anyone over completely. It didn't faze me; better for him to be wary than trust me more than he should.

My legs were weary from Yoon's treatment, and my muscles felt heavy from whatever herbs he had given me in that steaming cup of herbal concoctions he had whipped up. The thoughts in my mind continued to buzz around in a dizzying whirlwind, but I soothed them away as I coaxed a few blades of grass and bent twigs into the edge of the dying flames near where I sat. My mother's voice was beginning to fill my ears as I stared into the fire's mesmerizing dance, and I retold myself the story she had always told me growing up:

_Many, many moons ago, when the world was thousands of years younger than it was today, a radiant storm of change overcame the kingdoms of this world. At the time, the gods and human race were beginning to mix to rid the earth of its festering evils. Thousands were told of the legends of the four dragon warriors who sprung up to protect the noble and honorable King Hiriyuu in the time of his great expedition against evil, but only the scarce few who knew of the woman who stood in the shadows and kept the warriors spirits from ever wavering while the king was alive continue her legend._

_Chiao-Xing was the priestess' name, and from her do we draw this tale today. She was of noble birth, and was of so pure a soul that she channeled all the prayers of the kingdom's people through her body. The priestess tasted their despaired, ached for their yearning hopes, and offered unwavering petitions for the dragon-warriors and their dragon king to be successful in their quests against tyranny and deception. The heavens were pleased with her offerings, and passed her prayers to the dragons' other halves in times when their human counterparts felt uncertain of their paths._

_But when the great King Hiriyuu passed, and the dragon-warriors all wept for his passing, Chiao-Xing knew that her prayers had finally been answered, and her work as a priestess was done. The people she had heralded prayers for would soon see their wishes come to fruition, and though the warriors grieved, they too had done such good in the name of their master to need any prayers for strength at his departure. But so great was her beauty, and purity of spirit, that when she began to tell her goodbyes with tear-soaked cheeks to the people in the palace she so dearly loved, she was stopped by the warrior of the blue-dragon, who confessed his love for her and desired to have her rear the next generation of his dragon bloodline when he too wished to depart from the palace._

_The woman fell undeniably in love with the warrior, whose golden, shimmering eyes spoke of the universe in ways she could only hope to fathom, and agreed to become his first wife. They retreated into the foothills of the kingdom, and produced many heirs there. And while Chiao-Xing was not the woman who reared the next child to inherit the blue dragon's powers, her husband adored her above all his other wives and concubines, and asked her to give one selfish prayer that he may channel to the heavens when she lay on her deathbed._

_Chiao-Xing knew she could ask for one of her children to produce the next heir, or that his bloodline be revered about all the other warrior's predecessors, but she knew, deep in her heart, there was only one thing she truly desired._

_“Allow me to be reincarnated as a woman when King Hiriyuu is born again on this earth.” She smiled as she reached for his beautiful golden eyes, now filled with tears of grieving. “So too will our fates began to intertwine verily as they did in this lifetime, and we will see the world brought into the light as we did now. My soul will hunger for the power of your golden eyes, and while your soul will never stir for me the way it does for your king, allow that reincarnation of yourself to be drawn to my likeness like a moth to a candle's flame. Allow me to rear your children again, and let us live in the gentle bliss the gods have granted us with in our union.”_

_“Even if it takes many centuries, so shall your wish be fulfilled.” Her husband pressed a powerful kiss to her lips, and with it, sealed her heaven-sent desire. “My soul will await the day when we two shall be reunited. Until then, have strength, heart of my heart, and do good in this world in whatever form you come.”_

_And although thousands of years have passed, every soul that passes on this story hopes that one day soon, her final wish will be brought to life, and Chiao-Xing will finally be reunited with her warrior husband. In every lifetime that carries her spirit echoes with this prayer, and dreams of the day that the warrior will be joined again by the selfless priestess who mesmerized him all those many, many moons ago._

My eyes drooped as the warmth of the tale coupled with the fire that was now burning brightly again lulled in my veins. I cradled myself against the hard earth, and buried my limbs within the furry comfort of Shin-ah's pelt, praying all the while that this was the lifetime Chao-Xing's soul would finally find her beloved again. My heart ached more tenderly than it ever had before, and I allowed myself to weep in the sleepy silence that settled between the crackling pops of the flames not far from where I lay. I could not tell you the source of my tears as I fell asleep that night: was it because I knew I could not be this pure priestess of old come back to life, or that my soul ached from the kindness I had received from these people?

All I could do as I fell asleep was conjure the vision of the golden-eyed man she so valiantly loved and smile sleepily at how I pictured their reunion would unravel after so many life cycles of being apart.

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

The rest of camp was still slumbering when I made my way out into the forest at a slow amble. Yoon's treatment had worked wonders in only one night, but I knew that it was better not to press my luck and kept myself leisurely strolling to prevent any suspicion from arising at my silent departure. I had no intention of running away before repaying Yona and all the others for their unwavering kindness and generosity. My skills were scant these days, but I had learned one particular trade in the four months of my isolation that had made surviving on my own bearable.

Listening had become something I did more so out of necessity now that my vision was beginning to waver. I learned to be still and hear the sounds of bird and beast and trap their calls somewhere deep inside of me. The immersion into this wordless trade had come after much toil and wearied pleas for help from some deity, but it had come like a god-sent arrow all the same.

I walked a good hundred paces away until I knew no sound from the camp sight would startle any prey away and camped myself on the ground to listen. My ears had honed themselves to the various rustling of the forest, and I knew without a doubt that just before dawn was my best chance to find some hearty prey to haul back to camp for a meal. There were no streams nearby, so the deer would be too far out to catch, but as I sat in the thickets, I detected a soft snuffling amongst the low lying foliage that had to be a weasel.

I pressed my tongue against the back of my teeth and began making the short, rounded squeals a weasel would make in calling to find another of its kind. It only took a few short moments of hearing my cries for the weasel to reply in kind and began its hasty descent into my trap.

I waited to offer a soft reply to the long, wood-colored creature as it searched through the forest floor a few feet in front of me, and pulled back the slim, blunt-cut dart more precisely in my hand before launching it mercilessly at the neck of the weasel. The weapon hit true, and the poor creature was squealing in terror as it flopped and flailed in bloody horror. I hastened to it's side to break the creature's neck to end its suffering quickly.

I lifted the lifeless corpse in my hand, and ran the small, three-inch dagger I had tucked against my hip across its throat to drain whatever lingering blood had bottled in its veins upon its death. The creature weighed a good six or seven pounds; if cooked right, all six of us would have one final decent meal together before parting ways. My chest puffed in pride; a hearty bounty was exactly what would show my gratitude to the others.

When I approached the camp grounds, Hak was standing with his arms crossed, watching me with unwavering interest as I skirted between bush and tree to where he was a good yard or so away from the camp. The man did not seemed pleased, though I could understand why; I was a liability to the safety of his group. If I left without permission, it spelled trouble.

“Must be nice to get up early and walk around the forest without anyone to bother you.” The tone he used was oddly not harsh as I expected it to be. He was playing it carefully, knowing that if he openly accused me of something I didn't do, we could both lose our heads and wake the whole camp under a heated interrogation. He dropped his gaze to the weasel carcass hanging limply from one of my hands. “A morning hunt, huh? So you have some kind of weapon on you after all?”

I nodded slowly, unsure of what he meant for me to do. Knowing it really didn't do me any harm to divulge the truth, I handed him the carcass to pull out the darts laying inside my bodice and the small knife hidden with a wrap inside my robe. He looked at the weasel, then back at the metal objects with a slow, calculating glance before lifting his gaze to me.

“Those couldn't be sharp enough to kill from afar.” He noted as he turned a dart in between his fingers. The look was still dubious. “How'd you do it?”

I imitated the brief pattern my hunts usually followed: sneak, lay quietly in wait, listen, imitate animal noise, dart, and break the animal's neck for a victory. His dark eyes grew large as I mimicked the weasel as I had in the forest, and I had to look at the forest floor with a fumbling smile of amusement. It was a funny sort of skill to have, but I was glad to have it. Without it, I would have died of starvation long ago.

Hak moved to stand at his full height again once my odd wordless exchange came to an end. While his expression was still not entirely kind, it spoke of some unspoken admiration for my craft. “Impressive. Well, next time you decide to go on a little hunting trip, let me know beforehand. I can't have one of the group wandering off without a reason.”

I cocked my head to look at him in confusion. What did he mean? I wasn't part of their group- not even in the slightest. Weren't they going to say their goodbyes to me and head off on their merry way to be of assistance to someone else?

“Yoon's just getting breakfast prepared.” The dark-haired warrior jerked his head back in the direction of the camp. “You better hurry and get that creature to him quick before he says he won't have time to cook it.”

I nodded and moved to dash past him. I did turn to peek over my shoulder, but he was busy looking off in the distance as if he expected me to turn. I snorted at his odd behavior, but strode of back into camp where everything seemed to be happening. Yona had been helping Ki-ja pack the scarce blankets the group had, but she soon lifted her head to give me a look of genuine joy as I hid the weasel behind my back in hopes of surprising them.

“There you are, Ming-hua!” She was beaming. “Hak said you gone off by yourself at daybreak, and we were starting to worry. Are you alright?”

I nodded before revealing the weasel carcass. She gasped, a little shocked at the sudden introduction of the dead animal, but the look eased into one of thankfulness as she called for Yoon.

“You're too loud.” The boy grumbled as he sauntered over with a long yawn. His eyes landed on the weasel, and he turned to look at me with just as much shock as Yona had. “Did you get that for us to eat?”

I held the animal out to the boy with a small nudge of my arms. He took the weasel with sound of amazement, before calling for Shin-ah over his shoulder. The blue haired man had been standing somewhere in the distance, and listened intently to the boy as he asked for the weasel to be cut down. The pelt I had been using almost the entirety of the day yesterday was placed around his head like some sort of white mane that paired oddly well with his ivory mask. He lifted his gaze to look at me, and I lifted a hand in greeting that he nodded to.

“Good morning- Ming-hua, was it?” Ki-ja dipped into a slight now beside Yona. “Would you like some tea? We just made a fresh pot.”

I nodded slowly and allowed the white-haired man to lead to a spot near where Yoon was now preoccupied with chopping some sort of roots on a cleaned off stump. I watched his movements cautiously, eying his right arm with some concern. There was a heavy white bandage wrapped all the way up his hand from what I could see; had the man been injured recently? Ki-ja poured a steaming cup for me, and smiled as I took a long sip with enthusiasm when I saw that his injury was not as seriously as it appeared at first. He turned to comment on my renewed energies to Yona, who passed the praise to Yoon, who flushed and continued on his work with a little more force than necessary.

Shin-ah returned from a spot in between the trees with a skinned and gutted remnant of the weasel I had brought back, and the girl offered a clap of applause for his quick work. Yoon instructed him to spit the animal on a sharp and bring it to him, and the quiet man went about the task without so much as a grunt in response. The boy crushed some herbs quickly onto the exterior of the meat and rubbed them with a few smoothed strokes of his hands before rushing the meat to the fire so it could roast.

The tantalizing smell of dripping fat, savory herbs, and cooking meat filled the air all around us, and I could tell from the lingering glances everyone gave to the meat that they were as anxiously awaiting another hot meal as I was. Yoon had placed a chamber carved from a stalk of bamboo onto a cooler edge of the fire, and the smells only intensified as that too began to simmer.

“Alright, time to eat!” Yoon called everyone to order in a few short minutes following that, and I smacked my lips in preparation for the meal. “Yona, go get Hak please. I'm not going to serve him lukewarm food again when he chooses to return.”

Ki-ja stood to his feet in place of the girl. “I'll go retrieve him.” He smiled at Yona as she dipped her head in thanks. “Wait for just a moment.”

They returned within a minute or so of Ki-ja's disappearance, and bowls full of fresh, steaming weasel meat and savory rice mixed with slivers of root vegetables were passed around to the group waiting in avid anticipation. I blew the billowing steam in short, powerful streams onto my first spoonful, then dove in with high hopes for the meal I had personally helped prepare. While it was not exactly on par with the delicious stew from yesterday evening, it was delicious and plentiful enough to keep me going back for bite after bite.

“Man, that was good.” Yoon patted his belly. “It's been a while since we've had some wild game.”

Ki-ja turned to give me a look of respectful admiration. “We must thank our new companion for that. You must truly be a master huntress, Ming-Hua, to have caught such a creature. It will do us well when we are far from towns to gather supplies from.”

I cocked my head to give the group a serious look of confusion. What did he mean? Had he, like Hak, made the easy mistake of including me because of the brief span of time we had been in each other's company?

“I don't think she knows that we intend for her to travel with us yet.” Yoon put in coolly as he moved to serve Shin-ah, who had scarfed his first serving down in a few ravenous bites with Ao, a second serving of both dishes. “Did any of you think to ask her what she thought about joining us?”

Hak blinked slowly before furrowing his brows. “I thought you and Yona promised to do so last night so we'd know what to do in the morning.”

“You and Ki-ja came back too soon. I didn't have enough time to ask her.” Yona admitted with a pout. She turned to look at me with an apologetic smile. “I'm sorry; this is my fault. We were hoping that you would like to travel with us. I can't promise that the journey will be easy or safe,” Her look grew more serious, and I was a little alarmed by the sudden gravity it held. “But it will be much safer for you than traveling all alone in this vast forest for months on end. Will you accept our help?”

Her question left me both vulnerable and anxious. I hadn't been expecting such an invitation. Being in a group was far safer, like Yona said, but from the sounds of it, they all had some sort of mission that didn't really seem to involve me. What if I got in the way, or worse, got someone else in harm's way for merely being apart of the group? Or what if I got myself into grave danger for being caught in liaison with them?

I hated to question the group's integrity, but when I looked into each face waiting so expectantly to hear my answer, I realized I wasn't really in a position to turn down the first and only suitable travel conditions I had been offered on my journey. Whatever their task, whomever they opposed, I couldn't deny that these people were good, wholesome people who had a right to whatever it was that they were doing. So I nodded my agreement, only to have Ki-ja, Yona, and Yoon all cheered at the prospect of having me accept their proposal.

“Wonderful!” Yona clapped her hands together in delight. “It seems we have one more person to our rag-tag group of rascals!”

“I think the moment you said rascals, she started to doubt her agreement.” Hak joked. His lips were curled in a mischievous grin, and the cautiousness he had cornered me with earlier was no longer as evident. “You may want to rethink what you call our little traveling group here.”

Yona huffed, crossing her arms over her torso. I flailed my arms, hating that she had been so easily affected by the man's teasing on my behalf. She watched my give a thumbs up and a flickering smile to her in reassurance, and smiled in return in a mere second.

I could only sit in stupor as Ao clambered away from Shin-ah to come perch on my leg with a few chirps of delight. The sentiment of having people selflessly wish good upon another was uncommon in this day in age- no, perhaps in humanity as a whole. We all wanted to better ourselves and preserve our lives for as long as possible before being summoned back to the heavens. Could someone really think that having me as a traveling companion was not more stress than it was worth? I could only smile into the dirt. It was a sentiment I hoped would continue to be proven true if these people were as honest and steadfast as they appeared to be.

~

We walked for days through sunlight, rain, and sprawling forest fog that would have stopped a normal contingency for far longer than it did ours. Our days had a similar fashion if the road approached an incoming town, but grew a little more lenient when the forest seemed to go on and on without a single break for a settlement. Ki-ja and Yoon seemed to be in charge of the map and what direction we took for the day, and since I opted to stay in the very back of the group, I never quite caught a drift of what exactly it was that led our expedition around one city but directly to the next.

My body seemed to do well with a pair of flimsy sandals Yoon had made to guard my feet; alongside a few warm meals and the amiable companionship this group of riff-raff offered me from sun-up to sun-down, it seemed I knew no stress that once clouded my days. My muscles were growing stronger, my chest felt less burdened by the anxiety of traveling, and there were times when I even forgot what it was I searched for of my own accord. I had simply and utterly become one of the group. If leaving them for my own betterment had seemed doable a few days prior, by now, the mere thought of being separated from one person or the next left a horrid pain in my heart.

The fits of blindness seemed to pass now that I had people moderating how far I walked as well as what I ate. I could barely contain my thanks to have that horrible side-effect of god knows what torturous demon lingered inside my body safely pushed away somewhere where it would not cause this group strife. I had thought about how I would ever explain it to them, or if they would even pause to give that horrid, fleeting illness any compassion. These people had someone they were looking for; they would not slow their pace to accommodate me when I inevitably became a burden.

My prayer to remain steadfast seemed to be answered until the day we saw a small band of soldiers trying to traverse the same road as us. Hak signaled for all of us to hide in a thick set of bushes while the guards were still quite a ways away, and no one faltered to do as he asked. I remembered pressing myself as low to the ground as I could behind the wall of leafy green foliage, watching with fevered eyes of hatred at the laughing band of men who passed by us with not as much as fleeting glance in our direction. Just one dart to the neck, and I could have sent a guard spluttering to the ground with his jugular split open.

My fingers itched for the vengeful kill, but as I caught the glint of their swords in the midday sun, my heart dropped. All at once, the horrid memories of the days I wished I had never lived through came piling down on me in one massive heap. My mother, beaten, bloodied, and mocked as a group of soldiers paraded into our house, the guards attacking me as I tried to protect her battered body, her angry screams for me to leave her be as I attempted to clean her wounds, the nights of never-ending weeping, the village's plague and my mother's cold body, and the guards returning to prey on me. The pit in my stomach grew; I knew too well where these horrid nightmares would lead.

Hak did not let the group return to the road until he felt sure that the soldiers were far enough away to be of no threat. Everyone gave a small sigh of relief as they moved to stand and stretch, but I found myself unable to move. The fear had me paralyzed, and all I could do was watch as the scenes from another time danced before my eyes. The glint of metal, a sudden, unexpected slash through skin, and the horrid feeling of a hot, metal pot hissing as it cauterized the gaping wound across my torso. The pain of a warm needle as my shaking hand led it against my own wound, and the sickening dread that nothing would ever get better for someone like me.

“Ming-Hua?”

Shin-ah's cautiously soft call of my name snapped me out of my darkened memories with sudden intensity. I jerked my head to see him standing just beside me with his hand stretched as if he had been planning to place it on my shoulder, but in the end, he thought the better of it and returned it to his side. He jerked his head in the direction the others were beginning to walk off in, and I nodded my thanks for him coming to check in on me. The man returned the nod before moving away, and I found myself wondering how he was the only one who seemed to notice my frozen state in a mere matter of seconds.

I tried to calm my nerves with a few deep, slow breathing exercises I had taught myself. One long breath in for eight seconds, a three second pause, then an equally long exhale. Repeat until your heart no longer drums in panicked madness. I repeated each step for several minutes while trying to distract myself with songs, tales, or thoughts about the forest all around me.

The distraction worked for a short while, but came to a sudden halt the moment I attempted to feign normality. A sudden, tunnel sound of air swarmed my head, and I was back at those memories again, halted in time by their maddening grip on my mind. Time around me stopped, and the colors of the forest world around me started to pulsate and narrow to allow the cloudy gray fog that was swarming my head dominance.

_No, no no!_ I screamed at my brain, and screwed my eyes shut in hopes of halting the fog's control on my vision. The darkness spun in hazy loops behind my closed lids, and I knew that it was too late. The darkness had already won; the blindness had set in again.

When I opened my eyes and attempted to see my lifted hands, all I found was the murky, spinning tendrils of gray fog and smoke that now held my eyes captive. Noises from all around pricked my heightened hearing, and I could detect the quiet, muffled sound of everyone's footsteps continuing on in front of me. My heart was racing again as the panic set in; what should I do now? Did I keep walking along at a slower pace and hoped the no one would notice? Did I just stop altogether, and not burden the group? Or should I break my vow of silence and call out feebly for help?

The tears dripped down my face at how vulnerable all of the options left me. I did not want to lose this group's good favor, nor did I want to add unnecessary work to their duties. They did not know of my illness when they offered to take me in. It was clear that they were kind, understanding people, but how understanding could you really be if it did not line up with your own plans? 

There was a sudden crunch of footsteps a few feet in front of me, and I stood rigid as the slow, familiar thumps made their way back to me. I screwed my eyes shut, and hoped that it looked like I had been crying for some silly reason to whomever it was in the group who had realized that I had stopped walking some time ago. My hands clenched against my dirty tunic, and I willed myself to think of some kind of lie I could weave to keep whoever it was coming towards me off my case.

A tall body blocked my way, and I could tell by the shadow coming off of it that it had to be either Hak or Shin-ah. They were the only two out of the group who towered over me with a good few inches of extra height and had a broad enough physique to leave an imposing sort of feeling when they stopped directly ahead of you. It was hard to tell who it was by the silent way they stood over me, but either way, I knew it would spell some sort of trouble.

Whoever was in front of me slowly slid down towards the ground, and gently removed my clenched fists from my tunic and smoothed my shaking hands in both of his. It was clear who it was by his actions; only patient, kind Shin-ah would try to help soothe my nerves in such a silent and understanding manner. My tears fell heavier; I had silently been wishing that he would be the one to impose himself on me.

“Your sight.” He offered quietly. I jumped at his quick intuition; no, perhaps he had been watching me far longer than I realized. “Is gone, isn't it?”

I nodded, hiccuping as the tears fell. Oh god, he was going to call out to the group and have them all stop to aid me. They would crowd around me, prodding me with a million questions. Hak would scowl at the thought of having to stop again after we just wasted the better part of an hour waiting for the guards to pass, and Yona would reprimand him for having no heart. They would break out into an unnecessary argument all because of me, and I would hate myself for many days afterward if they had unhappy interactions.

Shin-ah said nothing, nor did he make a sound of shock, surprise, or weariness. He merely gave my hands one small squeeze before standing back to his feet. His hold on my hands dropped, and I felt myself grow fearful again. He would have to go tell the group; it was clear that was the only option he had.

But what he did shocked me even more.

He reached for my right hand with one of his own, and began slowly moving ahead until I could had to move to keep my arm from being tugged away from my body. His hold on my hand was light, but steady, and I felt myself walking at a slow amble a few paces behind him while he led the way. So gentle, caring, and understanding... did such a man really exist? It soothed my fears, and kept the dizzy array of memories attempting to swarm my vulnerable mind at bay.

Still, I knew the situation was too good to be true on my behalf. Once the fogginess set in, there was only a brief span of time that followed where I could basically function. Something, inevitably, started to shut down, though I could only guess if it was going to be a full body blackout or the slow paralysis of my limbs as the nightmares took over and captured me again. I could detect it creeping in with a slight tingle someone who probably confuse with a muscle you had sat on for too long, and when the creeping started in my legs and started to travel upwards, I knew the paralysis had already begun.

I couldn't tell how long it was until the throbbing aches completely shut me down, but when they did, I was down for the count. My body stumbled forward, tugging at Shin-ah's hold until he inadvertently came to a stop to prevent me from hurting my arm as he stood a ways ahead. The muscles in my lungs seemed to constrict as the sensation trickled across my chest, and I found myself no longer able to breathe with ease. Wheezing, heavy pants pushed through my lips as I shivered, and Shin-ah's warm hand now frantically holding my with sudden tightness made me realize how quickly everything was changing. He moved me onto the soft grass a few steps to our left, and held me tight as I lay shaking uncontrollably.

“Yona.” His calm voice carried easily in the space around us, and the footsteps starting to fade away from us came to a sudden halt before returning to us.

“Move.” Yoon's voice flooded over me, and Shin-ah removed his hold on me so the boy could lay his hand on my forehead. “She's going into some kind of shock. Yona, come here and hold her hand; squeeze it from time to time. Hak, stand behind her and brace her weight so she won't fall over.” He was snapping his fingers now, and my ears perked at the sudden noise cutting through the screams in my head. “Shin-ah can you keep making some sort of differing noises to keep her mind stimulated here with us? Like a loud set of claps, or something like that.”

The others were moving with haste to do as the calm Yoon asked, and I felt myself surround by the group as they set about their tasks. My breathing was becoming more and more labored; in a matter of moments, I would be somewhere very, very dark where they could not reach me.

But the group would not allow me to go to that sickening place without a fight.

Yona was calling my name and begging for me to fight whatever it was that had taken its hold on me, the usually brute Hak was standing behind me with his arms cautiously barring me from slumping over, and Shin-ah was making a variety of sounds at random intervals that kept me alert. Booming claps, sharp snaps, and a rhythmic smack of his hand against the heavier part of his arm all broke through the static air and kept me concentrating on something other than the muffled, anxious sounds of my panting breaths.

A sudden softness caught under my nose, and the scent of mint hit my senses as I felt something warm settle on the skin just beneath my nostrils. “Open your mouth.” Yoon instructed quietly, and I was slowly given a gulp of some kind of chunky liquid that slid unpleasantly down my throat. I grimaced, choking on whatever concoction the genius had whipped up in the span of a few minutes. “I know it's gross, but that's what you get for getting ill all of a sudden.” He forced another gulp down my throat, but I fought back, weakly shaking my head in attempts of having anything but another mouthful of the bitter, almost-foul sludge. “Hak, hold her tight. Yona, Shin-ah, you can stop now. The noise is going to aggravate her need to run now. Let her have some silence.”

I gagged on the second mouthful but swallowed it all the same. The mixture was seeping into my stomach, and I shivered at the thought of the foul smelling glop working its way through my body. Hak held tight like Yoon had instructed, and restricted me from moving my arms or body much. I did not feel calm, nor did I want to be; my body was tense and weary all at the same time.

“Ki-ja, go get a rag from my supplies and toss some water on it.” Yoon had put the cup down, and I felt myself relax slightly in the realization that I would not be forced to swallow another mouthful.

“Is she going to be alright?” Yona inquired with real concern.

“She'll be just fine.” Yoon reassured her, though he didn't seem entirely sure himself. “I gave her a draft of pounded Huang Qin and sour cherries. It'll soothe her mind and probably make her relatively sleepy. Her senses just need to unwind and let the draft take effect; once the shock wears away, she'll be fine.”

“It all happened out of nowhere.” Yona put in quietly. “Shin-ah, did you see what happened?”

The man gave a sound of agreement, and I froze. He was going to tell them I lost my vision from pushing myself too hard. The truth would come out, and what would they do? Who in the world would possible want to keep a sickly, mentally compromised girl of seventeen who would probably stop them at every turn?

“The soldiers from before.” He offered, and I paused, shocked by his sudden perception that had nothing to do with my vision. “She got frightened. Her face was pale; she looked sick.”

Yona gave a small gasp of shock. “Ming-Hua, is that true?”

“You don't have to answer.” Yoon cut in before I could process how to respond. His voice was stern, as if he was angry at Yona for asking such a question. “Yona, questions like that can trigger another attack. We don't want that.”

Her voice was quiet at his rebuke. “I'm sorry.”

“It's fine; you meant well.” Yoon put in with a lengthy sigh. “Ah, Ki-ja, thanks. Let me put this on her and let's all be quiet for a short while.”

A cool rag was placed over my eyes, and its coolness, coupled with the scent of mint still lingering in my nose, allowed my mind to finally unwind. Shin-ah came to help Hak readjust me onto his lap so I could recline and breathe in peace, and I blindly grabbed one of his hands on its way up from my shoulder, and traced the words _I'm sorry_ into his palm until he withdrew his hand at the sudden intrusion.

“What'd she say?” Hak had been watching us closely, as I suspected.

“'I'm sorry.'”

“You don't have anything to apologize for, Ming-hua.” Yona's steady voice reassured me, and curbed my desire to cry. “Just rest, and get your strength back. We'll take care of you.”

Her gentle words touched me, and I laid my hands against my stomach with a deep sigh. Hak readjusted his legs beneath me once to better accommodate me, and I felt my worries slip away under the warmth I felt pooling from the group gathered fervently around me. Yoon was right; whatever herbal remedy he had forced me to consume was making me calm and sleepy. The nightmares were forced somewhere behind the wave of calming energy echoing through my veins for the time being.

My body gave in to the weariness, and as a gentle breeze passed over us all, I fell into a blissful sleep safe in the hold of the people who had fought my fears away.

 

_Mama is weeping on the floor near the doorway again. I can see her from my spot hidden in the corner of the hut, and it hurts my heart every time she chokes back a scream of pain. The soldiers came again today; they've come more and more often lately. They must be getting restless with no new faces to taunt in the village. None of us had anything anymore; when they came, they stole any right to happiness we had._

_I scramble across the floor to where she's sitting, and hesitantly try to scrub at a bleeding gash on the back of her head. She feels my fingers try to sweep away the blood-crusted hair and jerks her arm back to slap me away. “Leave me be!” She sighs when I jolt and start crying. “Sorry, darling. Please, just go back to your corner and stay away until night falls.”_

_I hate myself. For being weak. For not being able to protect her when the sneering men come in our house and start grabbing at her with brute force. How I can't scream loud enough or clap my ears over my head to drown out her screams for mercy, or drive away the disgusting comments the soldiers yell at her when they do whatever they want to her body. If I had been born a boy, Mama would have had someone to protect her when father never returned from his work._

_The tears streamed harder down my face as I dig my hands into our dirt floor. “I want to help you, Mama.”_

_“This isn't your battle, little one.” She moved her hand to squeeze mine in the dirt. “Your destiny is something far greater than just protecting someone like your mama. I want you to promise that when you're a little older, you'll promise to do good in the world. Do not hate; run from it, and keep kindness with you at all times.”_

_I shook my head. “I can't! I'm nothing special, Mama! People want to hurt you. Let them hurt me instead!”_

_“Never in my life would I let them touch my beautiful daughter.” She tugged me to her and held me close against her heaving chest. “You may not be royalty, Ming-Hua, but I believe you are finally the one these people have been waiting thousands of years for. Feel deep within yourself and tell me that I'm wrong.”_

_She knew I didn't have to linger long. The memories of tinkling bells, a floating dress of pure white, and the smell of cherry blossoms filled my nose like aching remembrance. And eyes of such gold that lingered there, pressing into the back of my mind caught my breath every time I thought of them._

_“See?” She coughed, but offered a cheerful smile. “You must live, then, and fulfill your destiny. Do Chao-Xing's soul proud and pray for strength. For you to complete her destiny, and for us both to have strength until then. Will you promise me that?”_

_I wiped the linger tears from my eyes and squared my shoulders. “I promise, Mama. No matter what comes my way, I'll live and be strong. For both of us.”_

_She kissed my hand. “Thank you, darling. It is all I could ever pray for.”_

 

I woke to the sound of snoring and the crackling of a dwindling fire. The world spun in hazy circles beneath my eyes, but I gave a smile of gratitude that the blindness was now gone. My body felt rejuvenated- it felt as if I had slept for many, many moons deep within myself- and I was glad that the weight that had been on my chest from the ordeal with the soldiers was long gone. Everyone had shown such mercy and patience with me, and sweet Shin-ah had not even divulged the fact that I could not see to the others.

The smile on my face grew. What a strange man. He was nothing like the brooding, imposing Hak who carelessly threw jokes to keep his true strength from showing, or the flustered Ki-ja, who followed Yona around like an obedient white-haired hound, or even the tactical Yoon, whose mind always seemed to be moving in ways I could not fathom. There was something oddly alluring about Shin-ah's silent, almost awkward nature. Like boy who had not yet grown fond of the idea of being a man. Someone full of innocence so late in life surely he must have been loved and protected by someone before he joined this band on their quest.

A sudden urge to evacuate my bowels twisted at my stomach, and I flopped up from my spot near the fire to see Ki-ja's robe slide from where I had been laying to the dirt below. A fleeting smile of thanks pulled at my lips to have everyone act in their own ways of kindness; I doubted it was something I would every get used to in a place like this. My eyes lifted to the man as I passed, only to catch Hak's sullen, half-awake gaze instead, and I offered a brief flick of my hand to reassure him I was only going out a short ways. He seemed reluctant to let me go after my spell of illness earlier, but shut his eyes as I strode off in haste.

The forest was alive with noise, and I relished in the sounds of chirping summer crickets and cicadas harmonizing all around me as I completed my ablutions. I had always loved music, and found myself softly humming the cricket's strange melody as I scrambled to find a few small twigs to coax back into the fire on my return. I could see the dwindling orange light cutting through the darkness in the northeast, and carefully wound my way around clusters of trees to gather a small bundle of twigs.

When I came tiptoeing through a bush to the southeastern part of the camp, I realized I hadn't worked my way in close enough to not wind my way in between where the rest of the group slept. Shin-ah was curled onto his pelt with little care, sleeping deeply even as I traversed in the space beside him. Little Ao was there too, curled against the pelt alongside him looking as blissfully content as any creature could while sleeping.

There was one small thing that did happen to catch my eye: Shin-ah's mask had been removed from his face, and I was finally allowed my first look at the man's actual visage. My breath caught; I had never thought I would ever find a man handsome, but by the gods, he was that and more. His pale face was smooth, and the red triangles that mirrored the ones on his mask did nothing but lure me to look at his long, gentle eyelashes. The picture of perfect innocence; the ache in my chest was not one of desire, but of something older; something I could not place my finger on. A wonderfully strange feeling that left me smiling tenderly as it sent a fluttering of peaceful joy into my rib-cage.

I readjusted the bundle of sticks under one of my arms, and gingerly slid my other to touch his cheek as I squatted cautiously beside him. His skin was smooth, warm, and so tangibly human that I wanted to break down at how foreign it felt. It had been so long since I desired to touch another human being, let alone be mesmerized by one. I wondered if my heart was getting away with things I knew should better be left as they were. Someday soon I would go my own way to find the warrior with golden eyes; becoming too attached to any of these people would be a bad thing in the long run.

After one left caress in parting to the gentle giant and a soft belly rub to his squirrel companion, I made my way back to the firelight and nodded at Hak as he glanced up at my return. He gave a brief nod of thanks at the bundle of sticks I held for his inspection, and closed his eyes again. I squatted into the dirt and layered the twigs onto the flames, watching as the hungry fire licked and consumed the new fuel in a matter of seconds.

With the fire now burning stronger to keep the others warm until Hak woke to rekindle it, I huddled myself beneath Ki-ja's robe and looked at the celestial sky above us. I thought about the stars, my mother, the heavens, and fate for a few moments, before looking down at the hand I had touched Shin-ah's cheek with. Tendrils of electricity were pulsating down my fingers, and I curled them into my palm with a fleeting smile. How odd; I had never felt anything like that before. It excited and frightened me all at once. I hardly knew any of these people, but yet, I felt like I had known them far longer than one mere life cycle could offer. Was it because of Chao-Xing's soul living inside of me? Were these people once apart of that first lifetime she remembered?

I shook my head before closing my eyes. Impossible. Such an easy entanglement of fate did not happen in this day and age. My mother's story would be just that: a story. I had to accept it, as much as heart screamed not to. Thousands of years were enough time for this supposedly pure priestess to have made some large enough mistake to nullify her wish from coming true. Come now; surely even the gods could not allow her one mistake if she wished for something so grand.

The warm feeling of remembrance did not pass, even when I tried to shoot it down with my own pessimism. It lingered, gliding gently with my deepening breaths, and did not ebb away when I closed my eyes to slumber. Hope did not die easily; even after seventeen years of heartache, it anchored itself in the loamy soil and waited patiently for the arrival of its beloved sunlight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you each of you who has read this far into the story. I hope from the bottom of my heart that you are enjoying it. A special thank you to all who have also left kudos; it warms me to see them.


	3. Chapter 3

We approached the sea in the next week of our travels, and it seemed the port city nearby was our undeniable destination. The others spoke of a green someone or other, and I simply took their murmured conversations as a nickname for the person they all were so desperately looking for. Their spirits seemed to soar at the prospect of finally reuniting with whomever this strange person was, and I was glad to see everyone rejuvenated despite the toilsome climb we had ahead through the seaside cliffs.

While I knew the others were energized at the prospect of good news, I couldn't help but think that it was just another signal for me to go my own way soon. The larger this band of travelers grew, the more it meant I would be imposing. With more mouths to feed and more bodies to protect or arm, the group didn't need someone like me burdening them. Once the green whomever he was made his appearance and rejoined his group, I would say my goodbyes to the people whom I now so dearly loved.

“Ming-hua?”

I jerked my head up, only to see that the group had stopped on the roadside a few yards ahead. Yona was jogging back towards me and offered a chipper grin of success. “Shin-ah senses that there's a decent stream near by. We're going to stop and spend most of the day there. Would you like to take a bath and have Yoon wash your robes out?”

I looked down at my clothing with a frown. They were dingy, ripped, and looked like they had seen better days. It was obvious I came from impoverished conditions. Still, I knew I should attempt to look my best as we approached our final destination together and nodded my agreement.

She clapped her hands together in delight. “Wonderful! We can go together then, if you'd like. People have always told me bathing with others is an exciting experience.”

I offered a lopsided grin in return. The only person I'd bathed with was my mother when I was a small girl, and I doubted what we did could be remotely considered a bath. Still, it was hard to say no when the girl was so animated at the thought of a bath we had all been overdue.

Like she had thought, the stream was a good three hundred steps away from where we had once been on the road. Hak went about filling everyone's water supplies while having the other two warriors help him set up camp. With the other three dutifully preoccupied, Yoon escorted Yona and myself to the bank with a small wooden tub tucked under one of his arm.

“Okay ladies.” He joked as we stopped. “I'll be waiting over here behind this bush for your clothing. Toss them over once you head in and give a quick whistle so I know its safe to grab them.”

Yona made a face. “Promise me that you won't look, Yoon.”

“Trust me,” He shuddered. “I wouldn't dare. That damn thunder beast would be all over me in a minute if he even thought I cared about peeping. You two should be glad you have a beautiful, talented boy like me at your disposal.”

“We are.” Yona laughed before winking at me. “Shall we?”

I was a little sheepish about undressing in front of Yona. Being vulnerable, whether it be emotionally or physically, was not a situation I liked being put in. I could barely avoid seeing my reflection in the water and frowned when it registered; a dirty, exhausted girl with lightly tanned skin and odd gray eyes was looking back at me with a sour expression. The resource of having at least two good meals a day had helped fill me out, but I was still the awkward, lanky girl who had left her village in the dead of night with a steely resolve to live.

Yona seemed to have some hesitation as well but quickly disrobed herself to cut whatever beginning embarrassment she had before plunging into the stream with our soapstone. She gave a yelp of shock as the water's cooler temperature pushed her skin, but soon floated contently. The girl grinned happily at the prospect of being clean, but it didn't take her long to realize that I had not followed her in.

The girl turned to see me still fully clothed on the bank and waved me in with an enthusiastic sweep of her hand. Knowing it was better not to prolong the inevitable, I begrudgingly left my tunic, robe, and undergarments in a flimsy pile before whistling for Yoon as I briskly made my way into the stream. And I jumped as the cool water lapped at my skin, but dove beneath its surface with an almost ungodly level of self-restraint. It was going to be hard to keep my scar out of Yona's line of vision, but if I maneuvered myself in time, I could avoid any hazardous situations and see myself safely with a bath and no unnecessary questions.

We floated with the slow moving current in the stream and relished in the warm midday sunlight shimmering over the water. Yona passed the broken soap stone between us, and soon the water floated downstream carrying small bubbles of white. The feeling of having scrubbed all the grime and dirt of the last few months off my skin and out of my hair left me relishing in the comfort only cleanliness could offer, and I lifted my arms to the sky in exultation.

“You seem happy.” Yona was quick to observe the change in my disposition. I offered an energetic nod. Her face was transformed by a look of mirth as she lifted a hand to flip her dripping bangs out of the way. “I'm glad. It's nice to do something fun every once in a while with another woman.” She laughed. “Honestly, I can't even remember the last time I did anything with a girl my age.”

I smiled at her honesty, and looked to the sky as a small flock of birds passed above us. It was nice to unwind and forget the world for a little bit. Everyone needed happiness, and laughter, though in this world, I understood they were becoming more and more of a rarity.

The two of us lingered in the water until our fingers grew pruny. Yona called for Yoon, and I heard a faint rustling in the bush we had been at before. He gave the okay for us to exit, and hurried us to get on our undergarments so that he could hand us a dry robe. I pushed my way out of the water before Yona with a little more anxious energy than would have been allowed, and dutifully wrapped my chest binding across my scared torso before slipping on my bottom wrap. The girl only chuckled at my hasty actions as she dressed herself and didn't seem fazed in the slightest by my obviously odd actions.

Hak and Ki-ja's robes were left hanging from the other side of the dense bush. Yona handed me the white-haired man's so she could use the tall warrior's for her own usage, and I put on the white robe without much ado. A smirk of amusement pulled at my lips as she put on Hak's; it seemed she was the only one oblivious to the man's feelings on her behalf. His hawk-like azure irises followed her everywhere, and if she so much as stumbled, he looked as if the world had stopped moving in the moments before she righted herself. It was a type of love I did not quite understand; one that went beyond what I had known that the scarce variety of men in my life could feel.

We followed the barely discernible path in the dirt back to where the men had now set up camp. My wet hair was still dripping from being in the water, and I lifted a hand to twist it over my shoulder and wring it out as I followed along beside Yona. I expected the men to give a joking whistle or comment as we approached the small fire they were standing around, but none did. Hak's eyes seem to drift across Yona's body tucked demurely beneath his robe, and there was a brief flicker of desire in his eyes that quickly dissipated when she met his now guarded look. The feeling of someone watching me left me at a loss, and I looked to see Shin-ah standing as if in a trance just behind Ki-ja- who had also turned to look at Yona with a look that was embarrassed and oddly amused- with his attention on me.

My lips curled in a confused smile. Did I look as much like a wet dog as I felt? But when he registered my searching gaze, he turned tail and jogged off into the forest beyond.

“That's odd.” Yona was quick to pick up on the man's sudden flight. “Did something happen with Shin-ah while we were away?”

Hak shrugged. “Beats me. He was acting kind of funny after you two went off to bathe, but that guy is always acting kind of strange so I didn't think much of it.”

Yoon lifted his eyes from his work on my tunic to stare at the fire in front of him. A bemused smile curved on his lips, before his eyes grew wide and he let out a laugh of disbelief. He shook his head with a larger smile than earlier and went back to his work.

“What's so funny, Yoon?” Ki-ja prodded him in confusion. “Did Hak make a joke we failed to understand?”

The younger boy shook his head slowly. “Just a thought I realized was too good to be true. Hak, Ki-ja, you guys can go bathe now. I'll come give you your robes when the girls' outfits are dry enough to wear.”

Hak shrugged. “Sounds good to me. Make sure that idiot doesn't wander off very far.”

“Don't worry about him.” Yoon disregarded the other man's concern with a snort. “He's always close enough to help if we need him.”

Yoon invited Yona and me to the fire after the two men had left and told us to help ourselves to some tea while he finished mending a small tear in Yona's robe. We sat in amiable silence as the boy worked, sipping the fragrant tea in our worn bamboo cups as we had almost every day this week. I felt warmed: by the tea, by the fire just beyond where I sat, and by the good energy of these people. No one had ever spoken an ill word against me, despite times when I knew I would have had I been in their place. They thanked me for every small kill I brought at dawn- if I had been successful enough to find a large enough prey to feed us all- and did not grumble when I stumbled dejectedly back into camp with empty hands. They did not mock me for being silent and always seemed to formulate a way of asking me something that could be answered with a movement of my head or a point of my finger. There was understanding here amongst these people that I told myself only exited in legends. It was a type of companionship my mother would have wished for me to find on my journey.

I told myself not to think of her as day turned to afternoon, and afternoon expired into evening, but as the rest of the group no longer offered any distractions to my thinking when they fell asleep, I found myself unable to resist any longer. Her smiling face despite the bruises had etched itself like a memory onto my mind, but as time went on since her death, I found myself questioning how true to memory it really was anymore. Did she really have that deep raven hair that shone so brightly? Was her face always beaming  with light despite the beatings and lack of food we both suffered?

But there was one thing I knew I could never forget- not for either of us. I could still see the soldiers' cruel beatings, their assaults on her, and finally, their assaults on me when my mother no longer took a breath on this earth. I could remember the sword slashing across my chest when I tried to stand up to one of them, and how after cauterizing my wound and stitching it up on my own, I vowed I would not live like that any longer.

My head swam as I tried to push away the torrent of noises, smells, and feelings that welled up at the thought of that incident. I frantically tried to force them back where they would not upset me, but they returned with vigor as I huddled my legs closer to my body. I screwed my eyes shut to no avail. The tunneling feeling of fear permeated my head, and the eerie sense of losing my sight was rapidly approaching.

Any sane person would have stayed beside the fire and allowed the terror to work its course before it would render me useless, but it was not quite so simple. My legs itched with a need to run that I could only heed as it overwhelmed my senses. I wove my way around the slumbering group and did not begin to run until the fire's warm light no longer guided the steps before me. I bobbed and weaved, dodging tree roots, mossy plains, and jutting rocks to the best of my ability as the night air throbbed in strange waves around me.

There was a patch of moonlight somewhere to my right, and my feet took off after it. The breath escaping my lips was becoming labored. My muscles throbbed with pain, screaming for me to stop. I held tight, allowing the maddening terror to run its course as it always had before I had met this group. It was better this way. It was safer for us all as we approached our last leg of traveling together. Maybe Hak would be angry with my constant fleeing and tell the others to forget about me when they awoke. I doubted he cared enough to come after me; I doubted any of them would care now that they were quickly approaching their compatriot.

The trees gave way to a meadow that seemed cradled in the moon's embrace this evening. I fell to my knees as my lungs burned for air, choking on my own saliva as my heart drummed. The once peaceful scene was ripped apart by my sobbing pleas to have the maddening visions leave me be, but by then, it was too late to do anything but be rendered helpless by the imposing fog. I lay silently in the grass as the familiar feeling of helplessness washed over me, gritting my teeth as another set of tears threatened to emerge. No; I would not weep for myself anymore. I had done this to myself. This fate was of my own accord. No happy ending awaited me. In a few days, my lonely travels would continue and everything would return to what it had been: a weary sort of meandering with no set cause other than a foolish wish to come to fruition.

So I lay amongst the cool earth and allowed the grass to tickle my skin as I fought all the weakening feelings away. With the last of my strength, I forced myself to sit, and sat in my blindness drinking in the steady continuation of the night. The moonlight pulsed over my body, and the sound of crickets that had come to a screeching halt at my intrusion slowly started to weave their melodies into the air again. I told myself to smile, and be glad for what little I had.  The heavens above me granted me some small joys in the company of these people, and I would never forget the blessing I had been given. These nights did not have to be plagued by weeping anymore; they could be filled with laughter or song.

And it was after some time, once the horrible burden of being alone seemed more bearable with my humbleness. I hummed to the cricket's chirping, lifting and tilting until a melody from my childhood emerged at the similar notes. I could not remember how old I had been when I first recognized the tune, but by then, I had already known it by heart. The words were pushing at my throat, and despite my resolve to remain silent while I was in this traveling band, the song spilled from my lips as if it could not be contained:

_This green island is like a boat_

_Meandering through the moonlight_

_Darling, you are floating in the ocean of my heart._

 

_Let the melody of my song follow the breeze_

_Blowing through your curtains_

_Let my love go with the flowing water, serenading you_

 

_The coconut's tree long shadow_

_Cannot hide my gentle love_

_The clear moonlight brightens my heart._

 

_This green island night appears so peaceful._

_My darling, why are you so silent?_

 

As I was readying myself for the repetition of the last part of the song, my ears subtly detected the sound of approaching footsteps somewhere just beyond where I sat in the meadow. It was one person, slowly weaving their way from tree to tree from the direction I had come. My mind was quickly narrowing down the heaviness of the footsteps as I continued to sing, knowing that by now my cover had already been too far blown to feign any mute, helpless reaction to the man I had not expected would be trailing me.

I sat in silence for a moment when my song came to an end and held my head high when I found the strength to break it. “I know you're there, Shin-ah.” I spoke just loud enough for my voice to carry to where he remained covert. “There's no point in hiding.”

His footsteps came slowly from my left until trailing over to my right as he came to sit a few inches beside me. It was hard not to frown, but I found myself doing just that as every possible lie I could give him was shot down in the understanding that he knew I had been feigning my muteness. For a moment, I was glad for my recent blindness. The myriad of faces I could see him making flickered across my my mind in a dizzying array of disappointment.

“Your voice...” His words trailed softly into the tense silence as if he wasn't quite sure of what he had heard.

I barked back a bitter laugh of resentment. “Yes, yes. I can speak just fine.”

“Why?”

I knew he was questioning my motives now, not the reason I had suddenly found my voice again. Did he think I had some horrible plan in mind that compromised his comrades? Did he question my integrity, and wonder what else it was I had lied about? Was he hurt, unamused, or angered? My mind spun with the uncertainty that came from having no visual cues to provide support.

I sighed and clenched my hands into the grass in front of me, steadying myself with the feeling of something real and tangible underneath my fingertips. “Words.. hurt.” I screwed my eyes shut as the echoing taunts, curses, and screams of injustice rang in my ears. Even now, they destroyed me from the inside out. “My words especially. I don't want them to bring you grief. I don't want you to ask me why, or how, or pity me. I feel like a burden enough as it is.”

The tears stung as they pricked my eyes. Shin-ah had not moved to speak, nor did I expect him to. What could he possibly say that would hold any merit? He could not apologize. He could not tell me that I had been right or wrong for withholding something as basic as verbal communication from the others. His silence was judgment enough on my behalf; it reaped burning coals of shame on my head with a single wordless cue.

“I'm... so sorry.” My voice was strangled with guilt when it exited from my lips. “For remaining silent. For taking all your kindness for myself. I.. I ..”

The guilt was welling up, and I was spilling everything to the unsuspecting man beside me. Everything about my past- about my parents, about the soldiers, about the pain they brought to the whole village- spewing it all in long, almost incoherent babbles that came from all the pain I had pushed down to the very core of my being over the years. I broke only once or twice to choke on the wave of pain that ripped at my chest, hating that I could not stop speaking on all of the horrible monstrosities that had accumulated in this lifetime.

Oh gods. I thought the pain would swallow me whole. But as the words came to a sudden halt when I spoke of departing on my journey, it felt like a boulder had been lifted from my chest. The suffering of having to carry the burden all alone inside of myself no longer existed, and for a moment, I felt light and almost carefree.

Until I remembered I had almost unwillingly spewed almost every dark, twisted memory onto a man who up until this point, had not spoken a word. My heart sank. The air caught in my lungs began to burn. The frightening anxiety of not being able to read his expression after the whole ordeal rendered me almost paralyzed.

I hated myself at that moment. Gods, did I have to be such an idiot? Who in their right mind would take all of that and process it in one sitting? I was a fool; there was no way such an innocent soul could understand the horrors of the world in the manner I did.

But just as I was going to deprecate myself with a bevy of horrible insults for being so moronic, I felt a hand come to gingerly rest on the top of my head. The gesture reminded me so much of my mother that all I could do was hiccup as the tender significance flooded wordlessly into my mind. He gently moved it across my scalp in a soothing arch, slowly and almost unsure as I sniffled on. It was clear as moonlight what he meant by it: a comforting, reassuring answer to the dubiousness I had just felt.

And under his soft touch, the worries melted. I smiled like a fool. How could such a simple thing mean so much? This withdrawn, sensitive swordsman worked wonders I doubted he realized. If it had been anyone else who had come here to spy on me, I doubted I would have spilled my heart. No, I would have run and held my tongue in fear. Gods, my mother would have laughed to see the day I actually found a man I didn't resent in some form or fashion. I laughed too; the sudden oddity of the whole exchange left me borderline giddy.

“You're a kind soul, Shin-ah.” I confessed with a hint of embarrassment once the humor of our interaction died away. “I'm sorry that you had to hear all of that.”

He made a sound of disagreement but offered nothing more. My grin grew at his silent understanding; if anyone else had offered such a short, wordless response, it would have irked me to high heaven. It was odd how synchronized our interactions seemed to be; nothing seemed out of place with us, even if did come with its own sense of awkwardness at times.

The man made a sound of amazement now and drifted his hand down over my hair to touch something just behind my ear. “Fireflies.” He offered almost breathlessly. “In your hair.”

“They must know that I'm clean from my bath earlier.” I joked, hoping the blush unfurling on my cheeks wasn't as evident to him as it was to me. My ears had always been a sensitive spot, and having someone so gently caress them sent a strange sense of energy tingling down my spine. “How many are there, Shin-ah? Are they filling the sky all around us?”

He gave a coo of agreement as he moved to gently cup my hands in his own. I smiled as he guided my hands into the space between us by slowing then lifting them in some strange pattern I assumed to be the trail of a firefly's flight. One suddenly landed on the tip of my left ring finger, and I grinned with unbridled amusement at the feather-like tickle moving there.

“I wish I could see them.” I confessed in a hushed tone. Not a fiber in my body desired to disturb the fragile environment we were cloaked in. “I wish I could see your face. Are you smiling in humor at me? What sort of expression are you making behind that mask of yours?”

A firefly landed on my nose before he could answer, and the man gave a short laugh of wonder that sent the poor insect flying away upon hearing it. They were starting to settle everywhere on me now: my hair, my face, my hands cupped in both of his. I could the warmth pulsating from their tiny bodies and relished in the feeling of their heat pooling with our own. I could clearly hear Shin-ah's breathing, slow and steady, cutting into the air between us. I felt his heart pulsing from his palms onto the back of my hands. The rhythm he offered soothed me, and it felt tenderly blissful to just sit in silence like this.

The tender moment seemed to stretch on for eternity between us. I lost count of how long we had sat like that until Shin-ah gave a sharp intake of breath that shattered that time of never-ending peace into nonexistence. His hands tensed against mine, and I felt my body coil in anxiety when the energy passed through his arms to me. Something had happened. We were in some kind of danger.

“What's wrong?” I could barely speak as the fear constricted in my veins. “Shin-ah?”

“Hak is out searching. For us.” He spoke with hushed panic. “We must go.”

“What?!” I tried to tug my hands away as his grip tightened. My ears perked up to catch more closely to the noises around us, but there were no footsteps to be heard How had he caught the man's approach and I had not? “No! I-I can't go back. He'll know, Shin-ah..” I gritted my teeth as the panic hit me like a punch to the stomach. The horrible sound of Hak's condescending anger echoing in my ears left me shaking, and he had not even found us yet. “Go alone. Tell him I ran off. Tell him anything. Just don't take me with you. _Please_.”

“I can't.” He was standing to his feet now, dragging my arms quickly up as he went. My body slackened; I wasn't going without a fight. Gods, I could already envision Hak's scowl burning into my mind as I sat here comfortably in the meadow. He did not like to interfere when someone went out; none of us did. If someone awoke to the noise of whirring arrows, we knew to leave Yona and her training alone. If someone left from the fireside, they were going to return. All except me. I liked to keep at bay more than the rest, and Hak had already warned me once: leaving again without permission outside the camp's safety would spell serious consequences.

“Why?” I pushed while trying to tug my arms out of his hold. Shin-ah held tight. “Why not leave me be? Shin-ah, please! I'm better off on my own.”

“No.” He muttered softly. “We need friends.”

_Friends?_

Gods, I had to stop and think twice. Was that what he thought we were? Friends? I had had friends once, when I was much, much younger- when I was a different person. Sure, I had spilled my heart out to this man, but I did not consider that to be a sign of friendship. But what else was it? What else could possibly stir someone to want to share their soul with another outside of companionship?

And I realized then what a fool I was. He was trying to protect me and do his part as my ally. Shin-ah was not the type to force or coerce someone out of fear of repercussion; he was not afraid of Hak, but afraid that he would not be able to protect me from the warrior's unquestionable wrath. It shocked and intrigued me immensely; it was the first time someone willingly did their best to shield me from inevitable harm outside of my mother.

I gripped Shin-ah's hands and found the strength to stand to my feet. I squared my shoulders, took a deep breath, and nodded my head solemnly. “Lead the way.”

And so the two of us traveled hand in hand, slowly weaving our way through the forest back to the campsite. Shin-ah guided me carefully, slowing around a bend or stepping louder when there was a sudden descent or certain place he wanted me to put my feet. I followed along obediently, only turning my head once or twice to catch a sound in the darkness. I could hear the faint crackle of the campfire as our walk drew on, and when I tasted the smoky tinge in the air, I knew with a growing sense of anxiety that we had approached our destination.

Shin-ah came to a sudden halt and positioned himself just before me when I came to a stop a few seconds behind him. My muscles constricted; it seems he had found Hak, just as he had said minutes ago in the meadow. There was a sudden energy in the air- like fire and ice battling for the same space. It was only natural, considering the conflicting natures of both men gathered here.

“Well, well.” Hak's voice was teeming with unspoken rage beneath its joking banter. “Look what we have here.” His voice suddenly dropped. “I want answers. _Now_. What were the two of you doing in the forest all alone? And so far from camp?”

Shin-ah remained silent, and for a moment, I feared that he wanted me to answer Hak's question with my own voice. My lungs constricted; the words would not come, even if I willed them to. His hand did not tense in mine, and when I offered a feeble squeeze of terror, he held it even closer to his own.

The man's silent protection must have only irked Hak further. The warrior snarled before smacking the butt of his weapon into the dirt between where he and Shin-ah stood. “Let me see her, Shin-ah.” The man did not budge, and held tight on his position. Hak lunged in the space between them, his footsteps harsh and sliding as he moved himself forward to shove Shin-ah out of the way. “I said move!”

Shin-ah had no choice but to move or draw his own attack against the warrior. I did not want them to fight, and yanked my hand from his hold so that I could step into the space he had just occupied. Hak's breath caught in his throat as I lifted my face in the direction I assumed he was standing, and he quickly moved to jerk me by the arm away from the other man.

I yelped in pain as he tugged me behind his body, but soon stood in muted horror as a hum of metal came to split the air between us. He had extended his weapon in Shin-ah's direction, but this time, with an intent to harm. “ _You_.” Hak's voice was a dangerous hiss. “What did you do to her?”

“Nothing.”

While I knew Shin-ah was telling the truth, Hak seemed less than inclined to believe his reply. “Are you telling me,” Hak started quietly, but I could tell that by the way he was seething with rage that the soft tone of voice would soon magnify as he lost control of his rage. “That out of nowhere, a person can just lose their sight! Bullshit!” He was roaring now. “I know what those eyes of yours can do. We let you wear that mask thinking it's your symbol of peace to not use your powers inadvertently! And I fall asleep- for what? A few minutes?- and the two of you disappear for the better part of an hour and come back with her eyesight gone! I should kick you both out of camp for what I know you've done!”

“Hak!”

I turned in the direction of Yona's stern yell and felt the bile rise in my throat. Hak had gone and woken the whole camp. He was going to hurt Shin-ah. He was going to punish him for doing nothing more than coming to my aid when I needed him most. He was going to soil whatever hard earned reputation the other man had built since joining their group all for a silly misunderstanding I couldn't even fathom.

“What's going on here?” Yona was closer now- perhaps only a foot or so to my left. She was still approaching, but her footsteps were lost as more muffled noises lingered in the air. The sound of two other people yawning in the distance signaled that Yoon and Ki-ja were also about to join us. “Why are you holding your weapon at Shin-ah? And why are you protecting Ming-hua so fervently?”

Hak grabbed me by the wrist and tugged me out in Yona's direction. I did not close my eyes fast enough; I heard the audible gasp of disbelief fall from her mouth before Hak spoke. “The two of them went off into the forest to rendezvous. He must have given into the heat of things and let her see his eyes. She's blind now. The girl can't see a lick.”

Yona was silent in shock for the better part of a minute. _No!_ The words were lodged in my throat; my silence would be Shin-ah's undoing. _Blame me- blame me_ please _! He did nothing wrong. Leave him be!_

“Shin-ah,” Her voice was soft with sadness. “Is this true?”

He grunted in disagreement. “She had another attack in the meadow. I went to help.”

“Yoon,” Yona's voice was now facing in the direction of  where the approaching footsteps had now stopped. “Can those kind of attacks cause sudden blindness?”

My heart lurched as we all fell into a charged silence; if Yoon had no clue as to the details of my malady, it could and would spell disaster for us all.

He hummed for a moment but answered not long after. “It can. It has something to do with the mind's conversion of trauma into physiological reactions. Paralysis of the limbs, loss of feeling throughout the body, even blackouts are possible alongside temporary or even permanent blindness.” His voice softened as I felt Hak realize his blunder; the energy of a man ready to angrily lunge himself in a moment's notice was now standing with a growing sense of doubt. “It usually only occurs after very severe episodes go unprocessed over time; since they're unresolved in the person's consciousness, they can be triggered fairly easily.”

“Like with the incident the other day.” Yona was quick to pick up on my trigger for soldiers though she did not mention the word straight out. Her feet swiveled in the dirt; she had turned to look at me again. “Is this true, Ming-hua? These attacks can render you blind?”

I nodded my agreement with heavy bobs of my head. The relief that the blame had been lifted from Shin-ah left me ready to confess anything they wished. Oh gods, I thought I would cry at how odd it felt to come almost completely clean with these people. Even if it meant having them leave me where I stood in this forest right now, I would do it again if it meant Shin-ah would escape any blame he did not need to incur.

“I see.” Yona said softly. It seemed the group was slowly starting to unwind; the static energy from before had eased into almost nothingness. “Hak, let her go. Let's all head back to camp and give ourselves until tomorrow morning to sort our feelings out. Making decisions now while we're all half-asleep isn't wise.”

“She's right.” Ki-ja was the first to agree. His adamant approval seemed to seal the group's consensus. “Let's no put a greater burden on the poor woman behind you, Hak. She looks as if she could fall over in weariness at any moment.”

It was true. My body was beginning to slump as the adrenaline from the conflict began to dissipate. I did not wish to sleep, but gods, doing anything but standing at this point in time seemed blissful.

Yona was moving from her spot closest to me, and wrapped her hand around my wrist. “Let's go. I'll help walk you back, Ming-hua.”

I nodded my agreement and followed obediently behind her as she patiently made her way around a few trees to the campsite. She did not move her feet the same way that Shin-ah did to alert me of a tree stump or slight change in terrain, and I often caught my toes under the edge of a rock or on the back of a root. The girl apologized profusely as I hissed in pain, and I could feel her timidness fill the air around us as we continued on a few more steps to the edge of the fire.

“Sit right here.” I did as she asked, and I felt her slip her cloak over my shoulders. “There. Now, just lay down and try to get some rest. Don't let what Hak said bother you too much. He hasn't had much sleep these days, so I don't think he's thinking as clearly as he should.”

I dipped my head in shame and curled my legs close to my body. It would be almost impossible to forget what he had said- how harshly he had chastised Shin-ah before the other man could even get a word out. The way he accused us of doing the unthinkable. Hak seemed to know little about any of us, nor did I sense that he cared. His loyalties laid with the girl now telling the others to return to sleep.

I felt a hand lightly touch my shoulder in passing and I glanced blindly up to my left in reaction to the sudden contact. “Good night.” Ki-ja offered quietly before venturing away when I nodded dejectedly at the sound of his voice. “I'm glad you've returned to us safely.”

“Hak's an idiot.” Yoon seemed to be a few steps behind the other man and patted my head with a brotherly sort of affection. “Yona's right. He's too tired to think straight when he worries.”

I nodded again, though not with as much enthusiasm. The man was not worried for our well being; he worried that we were breaking his trust. With a group this large, I understood that he had to be weary to protect the girl we all knew he loved. Someone like me, a peasant girl they knew almost nothing about, was the greatest liability in terms of the group's well-being.

Hak and Shin-ah were the last to return, and from the sounds of their slow, approaching steps, the tension from before still had not completely dissipated. Hak was moving to his spot somewhere across the fire from where I sat, and Shin-ah in the opposite direction to some spot behind me. I felt myself want to turn and catch every sound he made but sat unbearably still as he too inevitably stopped for a few moments in the space around me. I could feel his gaze- so powerful, so deep- on me without even having to the ability to see, but so was Hak's. The power of his shrewd eyes was nothing like Shin-ah's; it was pulsating with anger until the other man silently trekked away to his spot in the back of the group.

I slid myself to the ground and turned my body in the direction Shin-ah had ventured off to. The fire warmed my back through Yona's cloak and soothed me as I found myself unsure of whether I should cry, smile, or scream at the odd mix of events that had just happened in the last hour. Such warmth, understanding, accusation, and sympathy all at once; if one thing was clear, it was that I would not go to sleep anytime soon.

While I could not fall asleep, it seemed the others who had been awoken by the conflict had no troubles returning to a state of peaceful slumber. A soft set of snores filled the air- I smiled as I imagined Yoon slumped over in exhaustion with his mouth open- and not another sound was made save for the slight tumble someone unknowingly gave to readjust themselves or the continuing pop and crackle from the fire. The group was a strong bunch who were not bothered by much once night set in.

But as a soft set of footsteps moved towards Hak's area a short time later, I knew Yona had not been as easy to sway back into slumber as the other two men. Hak obliged her by scooting slowly in the dirt, and I heard a soft thump as she settled down beside him.

“You're angry with me.” His quiet words carried effortlessly in the sleepy silence. “That frown of yours is only going to make you wrinkle prematurely.”

“Shut up.” She grumbled back just as softly. I hated to eavesdrop on such a private conversation; their words for not meant for my ears, but I could do nothing but listen on in silence. “You know what you did is wrong, Hak. Be sure to properly apologize to Shin-ah and Ming-Hua in the morning.”

“It's not my fault.” Hak held onto his judgment tight. “Those two should know better than to sneak off into the night and so far away from camp besides that. You can't blame me for putting two and two together with what little I knew at the time.”

Yona snorted. “Come on, Hak. These are two of the most reserved people we know that you're talking about. Shin-ah was practically living in a cage barred from the world less than two turnings of the moon ago. And we all know Ming-hua has had more than her own terrible share of misery to keep her wary of any contact we give her.”

My breath caught. What? Shin-ah had been trapped and isolated? The blood in my veins chilled. That had to be wrong. I mean.. the man was so kind and gentle with everyone. A caged animal does not merely come out into the open world with such joy.

Or perhaps it did.

Hadn't I felt a sense of exuberance when I was out in the open world without a soldier to hold me down and tell me what I was worth? My respect for the man grew. He was a much stronger and attentive person that even I could fathom.

“Desire is desire.” Hak seemed unfazed by her deep understanding of us both. “Even the most reclusive of people still feel it, though maybe not as strong or often as more social people. Companionship, a place to belong, honest understanding.. it's programmed into our beings regardless of circumstance.”

“Amazing, Hak.” Yona breathed in wonder. “Who would have guessed someone as brawny as you would be such a deep thinker?”

He offered a dry chuckle of unamused humor. “I do have a brain, you know.”

“Use it more often then.” She laughed softly. There was a moment of silence before she spoke again. “Our group is all we have. I don't want to lose any of them. Everyone here is special and needed in their own way.”

“I didn't sign up for all this extra baggage.” He complained softly. “When I swore my fealty, I swore it to you alone.”

She laughed again, but this laugh reminded me of the fleeting chuckle my mother gave when she was lost in her own thoughts. “You knew this journey would be much grander than the two of us. Be glad that we've found such precious people to protect on our way. If they can look at me with such tender affection, perhaps I will earn the favor of those I have hurt by being weak.”

“Idiot.” Hak's voice was lined with such tenderness despite the insult. I almost blushed at how sentimental the man could be when he thought no one but Yona was listening. “You've earned more than that.”

She sighed. “Sometimes I find it hard to believe it, but the closer I get to the others, the more I want to believe you.”

They were silent for a few moments, and I felt myself anticipating what they could have doing. Perhaps a silent kiss; no, Yona still seemed too oblivious to Hak's feelings to realize her own yet. Maybe a tender embrace that spoke more than words could, then. My face flushed as I imagined Hak cradling her close to his body as she grew tired. It was a sentiment that that left me embarrassed and envious at the same time.

He had been right all along; even someone as broken as me still longed to belong with someone. I wondered if I would ever be strong enough to bring Chao-Xing back to her lover in the ways she most desired and connect with him in such a manner. The story had said that she longed to bear the children of the blue dragon warrior again in their next life together; could I find that urge within myself as Ming-Hua to do that? My stomach clenched in terror. I was not so sure I would allow anyone the permission to touch my body, regardless to if they were the reincarnated warrior or not. Those soldiers had sullied me; that virtuous virginity the priestess would have prided herself with when meeting her beloved was no longer present.

I pondered what kind of man the warrior would be and if his feelings would change when he realized a soiled peasant girl like me was the reincarnation of his once beloved wife. Would he laugh and give up on the promise he made with Chao-Xing all those thousands of years ago? Would he be angry or hurt to see the struggles I'd gone through and find himself conflicted on what he should do to best help me? Or would he walk away, not ready for a lifetime of give and take with a squeamish woman whose fear ebbed and flowed more frantically than the sea itself?

With what little I knew of men, I doubted it would be some easy feat for either of us if the tale was indeed true. Men did not love like Hak did on first glance, nor several weeks after. Love did not strike like an arrow; sometimes, one went without ever feeling the need for romantic love. I wanted to weep and apologize to the priestess who slumbered inside of me that I had botched her happy dreams after so many lifetimes of waiting. She would not have the grand happiness she dreamed of; she may never have happiness at all once we parted ways with this group.

But still the hope fluttered inside my chest as I thought of the gentle actions of Shin-ah. Surely... surely if such a man existed, then there was still some optimistic light to be shed on my situation. If someone like him..

I shook my head as my mind began to intermingle the vision of the dragon warrior with the gentle swordsman. No. Such an idea was foolish.

The vision lingered as my mind allowed me sleep, and I dreamt of a woman dressed in white and red embracing a man much like Shin-ah in a time long gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you yet again for the comments and kudos this work is receiving. I truly am happy to see you all enjoying it. I do have a tumblr (starrypuddle.tumblr.com) that I will occasionally write drabbles or prompts on, so feel free to follow me on there if you would like to chat about Akatsuki No Yona, this work, or anything in general!
> 
> Also, the song that Ming-Hua sings in the middle of this chapter is called "Green Island Serenade." One of my favorite singers, Vienna Teng, did a rendition as a hidden track on one of her cds and I fell in love with it.


	4. Chapter 4

When morning broke, the group went about their work as if the tension from a few hours before had never existed. Yoon prepared our breakfast with little difficulty and made no comment that I had not woken early enough to snare a hunt for one of our final meals in the forest. Yona smiled at me as I went away into the forest to do my ablutions, as did Ki-ja. Both were attentively following my alert gaze with looks of grateful relief. The only ones who did not seem to say anything were the two men who had deeply contended against each other; both Hak and Shin-ah were nowhere to be seen.

Eavesdropping on Yona and Hak's conversation last night, while wrong, did give me the comfort of knowing that today would go without a hitch. We would begin our climb up across the slopes of the seaside cliffs, and hopefully find ourselves in the port city without any animosity to bear amongst ourselves. The group would still be weary to let me out of eyesight now that they somewhat understood the extent of my illness, but I told myself to be glad that I had people constantly trying to support me when I could no longer support myself.

Still, I knew I had to apologize for the mess that been made on my behalf. Shin-ah had almost been kicked out of the group, and poor Hak, who had been weary enough with the burdens placed on his shoulders, had to break from what little time he had to sleep to come chastise us for something that had been entirely my fault. I did not want to be the weak one who took everything from these people with nothing in return. The thought of groveling did not upset me; if getting down on bent limbs showed the group my humbleness to their calling, I would do it for an eternity.

I paused on the outskirts of the camp, watching as everyone inevitably turned to catch me standing almost supernaturally still. Hak and Shin-ah were now there, and both watched me with as much interest as the others. I bit down at my lip as the bevy of angry words Hak had spewed last night echoed in my head and threw myself to the ground in the lowest bow I could humanly give. My nose was touching the dirt and I told myself to be still as the group began dispersing in anxious confusion at my sudden action.

“Ming-hua, lift you head.” Yona offered kindly from somewhere near me. “There's no reason to prostrate yourself.”

I shook my head and remained as I was. There was no other way to truly show the group how deeply guilty I felt about withholding the truth from them for so long. Even if I would never win back their full favor, it was a gesture I could not forgive myself for not doing earlier.

“I think she just wants us to accept her apology.” Yoon observed with that undeniable knowledge he had. “Hak, you specifically, from what happened last night.”

There was a disgruntled snort, followed by an answer. “I should be the one to apologize. I overstepped my boundaries and let the situation get out of hand.” He gave a long sigh before grumbling again. “There. Now will you get up off the dirt? It's getting embarrassing to have a girl bowing like that to all of us.”

I lifted my head, and slowly lifted myself until I was sitting. Everyone seemed a little uncomfortable, and I realized that perhaps I had gone to far in showing how badly the guilt had weighed upon my chest when I had opened my eyes this morning. Still, my plea for forgiveness had gone through. Slowly but surely, the day would even out as it always had.

We ate breakfast in quiet thoughtfulness then broke to wash our faces in the stream while the men filled our water-skins one last time. Yoon was busily discussing some kind of plants he had found around the stream bed that could be eaten as side dishes when we could get some fresh seafood from the port town, as well as some medicinal herbs he was hoping to find that grew along the riverbed. Yona turned to ask me a question once or twice- had I ever had fish before or been to the ocean- and the answer to both was no. I had dreamt of such a place when I was a smaller child but had not made myself too hopeful in recent years that my journeys would ever bring me there.

The group began to disperse down the road in the usual manner that they did: Hak and Ki-ja up front with Yoon and Yona, who almost always had Ao on her shoulders during the day, near the middle, while Shin-ah and I brought up the rear. The man still had not seemed quite comfortable around me yet, but I told myself not to worry. He was sure to be over-thinking what Hak had said yesterday about the two of us having given him reason to suspect some sort of underlying passion.

It was all I could think about as I followed obediently behind him. My eyes lingered on his muscular shoulders that still spoke of power beneath his dark tunic and fur-lined robe. I couldn't help but ponder about the way his body was not too lean nor muscular- the perfect balance of power and speed that would help him in a battle. I did not like to swoon, though I often found myself frowning as that was all I inevitably did. The desire that I had chided myself about seemed to be appearing without reason now; its appearance left me angry with myself for having such curious thoughts on a man who did not seem me as anything but a struggling person who was worthy of his compassion.

I turned my eyes toward sky to distract myself and watched a few birds float across the now cloudy sky with a cry I understood to mean that they were traveling to a new destination. The air was becoming more humid and made my freshly laundered clothing stick to my body in ways I did not like. Rain was moving in; not quickly enough to catch us off-guard, but there would be a downpour before the day was over.

Hak seemed well aware of this fact and silently picked up his pace at the front of the group. We all followed obediently along beside him, not once grumbling about the aching feeling that spreading in our legs from the hard trek upward or the tangible heat that covered our skin in sweat. My heart was pounding; if we did not take a break soon, I would pass out from overexertion.

It seemed the exhaustion got to me as the midday sun was still well above us. My eyes had wandered to see the source of a small set of rustlings in the forest to our left and in that distracted daze, I inadvertently caught my foot on a rock that jutted out on the path. I felt myself stumble forward, well on my way to fall face first into the ground like the clumsy fool that I was, but an arm stopped my fall from and braced me so that I was hanging, half-slumped over with my feet digging into the dirt for added support.

I jerked my head up to see Shin-ah lunged in what seemed to be an uncomfortable position with his arm just beneath my breasts. The rest of the group was now turning at the loud noise I had inevitably made, and I could feel my face flush in mortification as the man quickly removed his hold on me to let me stand on my own. It wasn't so much the fact that he had been the one to stop and help me- in the end, he almost always was- but the look most of the group was giving us as be both settled into an awkward state was enough to make the seemingly harmless gesture more than it seemed.

“Okay, everyone.” Yoon clapped his hands together to bring the group to order. “I think it's time for us to stop and take a break.”

We were led to the roadside a few feet inside the forest and sat amongst the bushes and stumps to rest out tense muscles and rehydrate. I hid myself in a far corner of the group as Ki-ja passed our water-skins around to the others, winding my hair in anxious loops around my fingers in hopes of ridding some of the heat that seemed trapped there. No one in the group had as much hair as me, nor did I think they understood how unbearable it became the more humidity the air held.

“Scoot over.” Yoon was nudging me with the edge of his sandal, and I looked up to see him standing above where I sat. He gestured again for me to move when he extended the water-skin he had in his hands, only to reveal a small swatch of material still clutched in his fingers. I did as he said, but pointed in question to the cloth as he settled beside me. “It's for your hair, dummy.” He clarified with a roll of his eyes.“You don't want to have a heat stroke and pass out in the middle of the road when Hak is walking like hell itself is on our heels.”

I smiled at the boy's intuition before sipping some water from the skin. He must have seen me fiddling with my sweat-soaked scalp and realized how much it was bothering me. His hands moved to weave through my hair, splitting it into three sections that he plaited into a braid off the back of my neck and onto the back of my shoulder. The heaviness seemed manageable now that it was not pooling against my skin, and I turned to squeeze a smile in thanks when he flipped the braid over my shoulder.

His cheeks flushed at my silent thanks, but attempted to play off his embarrassment with a look of cool indifference. “Whatever. I'm glad I had a piece of cloth lying around in my satchel.” His voice lowered to a soft thread that only I could hear. “We have to look out for each other, you know? We both came from dingy little villages before this, so I feel that I understand you a little better than the others.”

I blinked slowly before looking at the boy in shock. He too had survived the horrid hell that clamped down on that part of the country? It was hard to believe, but as I met his emotional gaze, I knew it had to be true. My heart ached; gods, I thought no one in this group truly understood the maddening terror that came with no food, heavy taxation, and ruthless soldiers who acted of their own accord. I grabbed his hands and gave a tight squeeze; he was strong. He was so much more than the horrid past that threatened to suffocate us both.

“Come on.” He mumbled while tugging his hands out of my hold so he could shield his face from me. “Don't get all sappy on me out of nowhere. I know I'm a handsome, intelligent boy, but you can't fall for me.” He moved to stand and dusted his hands off on his trousers. “You are like a big sister to me, after all.”

I smiled at the sentiment. I had never had siblings- well, ones that lived to see more than their first breath. Mother said that I should be glad that I had no younger siblings; when she inevitably died, they would all be my responsibility. But as I watched Yoon as he wove his way back into the group with a bark for Hak to shut up as he attempted to make a joking comment about how gently the boy had braided my hair, I couldn't help but feel that it wouldn't have been such a bad thing to have a younger brother.

A hand came to rest on my shoulder while another came from behind my body to hold a small loquat fruit out for my observation. I lifted my face to see Shin-ah leaning over behind me; he must have taken the time when I was distracted with my observations on Yoon to make his way over without me realizing he was there. He lowered the fruit, and I slowly moved my hand to take it with a small smile of gratitude.

His lips parted as if he was going to say something, but thought the better of it at the last moment and said nothing. He pointed to the fruit again before moving to sit in spot that Yoon had occupied a moment ago. I lifted the fruit to my mouth and bit through the thin skin with ease. The sweet juice flooded down my lips as I chewed, and I relished in the cool liquid filling my mouth as the fruit's ripe flesh disintegrated. I devoured the loquat without care, trying to hone my attention on my chewing as not to let it linger on the man sitting a mere inch or two away from me. My heart was so moved by his continued kindness to me after the awkwardness not long ago had occurred that I couldn't help but smile in between bites.

I felt his fingers come to press against the skin between my bottom lip and chin, and he held it there as he felt the drying loquat juices lingering in my pores. My cheeks flushed at the sudden, almost intimate contact I had not been expecting him to touch me with, but a smile that found its way on my lips as his fingers began to gently scrub the rivulets of juice off my face with such unwavering attention. My chest began to flutter in a strange sense of awe and admiration; this man spoke volumes without ever having to say a single word.

We sat side by side without any interruption from the group, and I wondered if they had been watching us all along and decided not to interfere. Still, it seemed to be a sign of favor after all that had happened last night; it gave me heart to know that my interactions with the reclusive swordsman were nothing out of line in their eyes. Even more than that, I was glad that Shin-ah, in his own way, was showing me that he was fine with me even after all I had spilled about my past last night. A warmth of loving thankfulness echoed in my veins, and I lifted his fingers to my lips to press a gentle kiss there.

The man seemed a little shocked by my actions, but he did not have a chance to respond before Hak began calling for the group to get back in order. Still, when he paused to let me by a stump before him, I noticed the slight tinge of flushed cheeks not completely hidden behind his ivory mask. My face lifted; he was slowly letting me in, wasn't he?

Rain fell in heavy sheets just as the men hastened to get camp set up early a few hours later. Yoon, Yona, and I were forced into the makeshift tent as the other three warriors moved to find shelter in a slightly hollow tree whose boughs fell low enough to provide a large enough protection from the torrent that flowed down the hill we had positioned ourselves on. It was the first time today that walking up hill had been advantageous; the deluge of water would not pool around us as we slept.

Yoon had a few dry provisions that could be eaten as is but moved to brace the rain when it softened to a decent downpour to start a fire in a dry spot between the tent and where the three warriors sat damp but quiet in the continuing storm. He warmed the kettle, sitting calmly even as the rain fell in fat droplets over his fair hair and onto his frayed shawl. He returned to get the tea from his satchel, but I moved to take his hand, gesturing that I would go out into the rain and finish the task for him. His azure irises looked at me for a long moment, but he gave a brief nod of thanks before handing me a small satchel of dried tea.

I sauntered off into the rain to the fireside and told myself not to linger on the feeling of the cool rain dropping all over my clothes and scalp. My hands quickly moved to measure out a strong enough amount of the dried herbs, and tossed them into the boiling pot. I stood, hands crossed over my shins with my legs drawn tight, counting and waiting so that the others would have a perfect cup of tea to round out what I assumed to be our second-to-last evening together.

I pulled the tea pot from the flames with a fistful of my damp tunic and did my best not to flinch as the heat licked at my palm when I turned to hurry the tea off the fire so it could steep and not turn bitter. Yoon and Yona were quietly placing out all six of our mugs out as I hurried to siphon out the loose leaves from the aromatic brew. I took three cups for the men just beyond in my arms and stepped quickly through the drizzle to give them their drinks. I started with Hak and worked my way down to the other two, bobbing my head or smiling as he and Kija offered a curt thanks.

Shin-ah was quickly moving to take his mug from my hands when I stopped before him. He watched closely as I flushed at the contact of his fingers brushing against mine, but he did not offer much as we yet again lingered in an awkward sort of encounter. All I could think of was the tender way he had touched my face earlier to scrub it clean, and the sudden way I had kissed his fingertips with such loving gratefulness. That feeling echoed so deeply inside my veins I was afraid of the changes it was laying on my unsuspecting body.

I tucked myself behind a flap of the tent, glad that I could bar myself from the men's views outside. Yoon and Yona had noticed my sudden introversion but decided to only give a chuckle of amusement before continuing on with their conversation from before. I felt odd; light and heavy at the same time from such a simple thing. Why now? Why this? I didn't understand any of it as much as my mind screamed for answers.

We were going to split ways soon. He was my friend and should not bound to me in any shape or form. And I.. I had to do what was right for Chao-Xing's soul, not what was convenient to me. The man probably pitied me for all he now knew. He probably felt, in that large compassionate heart of his, that he needed to be more tender with me because it was the only way he knew how to deal with what I had told him. It was nothing serious. It wasn't anything that would remain when the darkness came and devoured this brief window of happiness in my life.

I was the first to retire that night in the tent and calmly refused Yoon's late night snack of some roasted nuts when he came to nudge my reclining form. He and Yona were quiet as I huddled beneath my blanket and closed my eyes. While their silence was welcoming, I knew I had to keep back the emotions so that they wouldn't show on my calm face. It was better this way- pushing away everything I knew wouldn't last. I had to be realistic if I wanted to survive- if I wanted to complete my quest.

But all I could see was Shin-ah's actions throughout the weeks, merciful and steadfast from the very first moment I had opened my eyes and thought him a danger. The thought made me laugh now; I was the dangerous one. All I wanted was to take and take from this man who seemed almost unfathomable, when I knew I had nothing to offer him that he did not already have. This was his family, his happiness, his joy. He was merely doing what he could to make my transition with them as easy as possible. I was nothing special to him.

_No_.

The sound of his voice from last night in the meadow cut through my thoughts, and I found myself on the verge of tears. Oh gods, I was such a liar. I longed for companionship so badly I thought I would break. I needed tender kindness and wanted to give it in kind. Something made me want to give that man every kindness, to see him smile, and to see him open to me in ways I knew he could not in the next few days before I told the group I would not continue on with them.

But it was far too much to ask for. I knew that. So I told myself to be glad for every small miracle he worked on my once wary heart; if someone like him could work magic in such a short span of time, how fast could the warrior's reincarnated soul work once he met his beloved wife's soul in this battered body?

When that happened- _if_ it happened- maybe I could finally be whole. Maybe I could finally be a functioning human being again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you yet again to everyone who has left kudos or comments on this story! I hope you are enjoying it. Please be sure to tell me what you think. I really am having a great time updating and seeing all the kind remarks this fic is receiving.


	5. Chapter 5

I awoke to the feeling of someone pressed against my body. The odd feeling of warmth that only another person could offer left me groggily confused for a second, until I realized that for the first time since joining the others, I had actually slept with someone else and not isolated in my own spot around the fireside. A small smile pulled at my lips; it was a foreign feeling I had forgotten in recent years since losing my mother. The two of us had always slept tucked in the small, rickety bed our sparse little cottage had even when I was a teenager; it was the only real source of heat we could have to keep the chill of night from killing us both as we slept.

My eyes opened to see Yoon slumbering peacefully against me, so close that his scalp was only a few inches away from where I slept. His head was pressed into my chest, and he had curled his hands into the material of my tunic to anchor him as he leaned his weight into me. I smiled and closed my eyes, so glad that the night of strange visions and sounds became soothed under the subtle warmth he offered. Over the weeks this boy truly had become like a brother to me.

We were off after a quick breakfast of porridge and tea, mindful that if we did not reach the port city today, we would not have enough supplies to provide us all dinner. The trek was just as hard as it had been yesterday, and although our muscles were tender from one day of uphill climbing, we were all in bright spirits.

Yoon and Ki-ja were discussing something over the map again as we took off on our journey. The boy was circling the port city as Ki-ja nodded his agreement to his question I hadn't heard from my spot in the back of the group. Hak and Yona soon joined in, and I found myself swinging my hands against my sides as I thought about my first sight of the sea. Would it be just like all those stories had said and glimmer in the sun light as it stretched out beyond the horizon? Would it smell of salt? Or fish? Or something I did not yet know? The mystery brightened my spirit and kept a constant smile on my face.

Shin-ah seemed to note the enthusiasm I walked beside him with and turned to cock his head in curiosity towards my change in disposition. I made a wave like symbol with my hand and mimed a scope looking out into the distance. He seemed to understand that my excitement stemmed from the sea and offered a more energetic nod that signaled that he too was as curious about his first sight of the sea up close.

And by the gods, we rounded the top of the forested cliffs and stood looking out at the sea as the midday sun began its descent. My breath caught as the sprawling port city sat tucked beneath the cliff-side we stood on, but even that was dwarfed by the ocean that spanned all across the horizon beyond us. It was everything I had dreamed it would be and more. The hint of salt tinted the air, and while the aroma of fish was not far behind it, it was pleasant. I stood with my feet planted into the dirt and took the largest inhale I could muster, hoping that by overriding my senses right now, I would never forget this momentous occasion in my lifetime.

Hak was the only one of the group who had actually seen the sea and been to this city before and offered to go out and scout the town to see how safe it was for our group to venture into. Yona offered her agreement with some reluctance as she inevitably pouted about not being able to go with him, and the warrior handed his weapon over to Ki-ja so he wouldn't stand out as he scouted. Yoon called out after the man, reminding him to bring back some supplies for the night and anything else interesting he might find.

Yona offered for us to go and find somewhere to spend the day until Hak returned, and we ventured off down the westward winding trail away from the city. A short walk away was an abandoned shrine of some sorts, and Yoon decided to let us set up camp here. He sent Ki-ja off to fetch some kindle for the entirety of the the day and had Shin-ah accompany us while we went to go forage in the forest just beyond for some mushrooms and roots to supplement what little we had left. I was quietly taking inventory of all the animals that jutted away as we approached, knowing that one last hunt was something I owed to the group after days of sleeping in.

The five of us had a lively day, listening as one person or another told a story. Shin-ah and I were the only ones who did not tell a tale of our own, but we were both included into the woven mysteries Yoon or Ki-ja offered to help move the tale in a different direction when the plot could traverse a different path. Yona offered a calmer tale or two about the escapades of a general's war horse that found its way through different kingdoms on its quest to return to its home to pay homage to its valiant owner, and I listened, transfixed by the beautiful scenery her words painted.

The group quieted as we had a small break for tea. I had found myself still stuck in the majesty of the castle she ended the tale with. I had never been anywhere near a castle, nor any sort of real city, and the sheer beauty of such a solitary place left me wondering if Yona had ever passed by a castle on her travels with these men.

“Ming-hua?” Her voice carefully broke into my thoughts, and I looked up to see her looking at me with a curious smile. “Would you mind if I asked you something? Hak had said you have some kind of special skill that makes hunting easier. Is that true?”

I nodded. My hands lifted to symbolize a bird flying, and then cupped my ears before opening my mouth and miming the bird again. It was a little hard to explain to the girl that I had the ability to mimic animal sounds to lure them in for a quick kill, but it seemed she understood well enough when she offered another question.

“That's amazing!” She turned to grin at Yoon. “I would love to see it. Wouldn't you, Yoon?”

Yoon rolled his eyes. “She's not a side-show act, Yona. Leave her be.”

I waved my hands in front of my body and offered a reassuring grin that signaled that her question hadn't bothered me. A flock of birds had settle to the northeast of us when we were returning back from our foraging trip and were still nearby from the subtle calls that echoed in the glen around us. I gesture for Yoon to give me a few kernels of rice from our dwindling supplies, and stood to my feet a good distance away from the group.

My eyes closed as I thought of the calls of the bird, and let out a lifting set of chirps that echoed in my throat to signal food to the flock. There was a call back, hesitant and unsure, and I replied in kind to reassure it that they had heard the call for food correctly.

There was a faint fluttering to my right, and a light pressure on my head as I stood stock still. The bird were weary, shifting anxiously on my arms and head as I gave silent, shallow breaths to not disturb them. The others had come to a sudden hush by this point, but I could not see their expressions as I closed my eyes to keep myself steady.

One by one, the birds began to flutter to sit on my cupped fingers. After a few hesitant shifting movements there, they touched their beaks to pluck the grains of rice from my palms. Each tiny touch to the sensitive skin left a ticklish flutter traveling up my arms, but I suppressed the giggles with a level of self-restraint I had learned over the years. I did, however, smile like a fool at the feeling I couldn't push past.

The birds were soon done eating, and I lifted my hands to send them fluttering into the air and in a fast flight away. A few feathers from the gray warblers floated down in the air around me as I opened my eyes, and I caught a few in my outstretched hands before they could plummet to the ground. My eyes lowered to the group, only to blink in confusion at the sight. They were all watching in a mesmerized reverie until Ki-ja's face lit up like a child's and he began to clap in amusement. Yoon and Yona soon followed suit with their own quiet sounds of amazement as their applause joined his.

Only Shin-ah remained transfixed in silent awe as I wound around Yona to sit in the spot beside him that I had occupied before. I gave a sheepish smile as I turned to hand Yoon the downy feathers when he reached to see them. It wasn't that I wasn't use to the man's lingering gaze by now, but this one felt somehow different from any of the ones I had previously been subjected to. This one included more than just an unwavering observation that held back any emotion- something strong and laced with desire.

“Amazing.” Yona breathed as Yoon turned to hand her the feathers for her inspection. “She was like.. like a-”

“An angel.” Shin-ah put in quietly when the girl failed to place her finger on the right word. I could feel my cheeks burn at his observation; surely he had seen wrong. How could a sickly girl like me, in my tattered robe and worn sandals, look heavenly or divine with a bunch of birds perched on her? Strange or odd, yes, but not ethereal.

Yona gave a soft giggle. “Exactly. Thank you, Shin-ah.”

“It is pretty other worldly.” Yoon observed with a smirk. “You don't see people who can sound like a bird with such perfection. If it had been any one other than Ming-hua, I'd be tempted to say it was borderline creepy.”

“A master huntress in all the greatest of ways.” Ki-ja added with reverence when he met my sheepish gaze. “I admire the hard work she must have put in to learn such a craft.”

I cupped my cheeks with my hands, dipping my head as the bevy of compliments shifted Ki-ja into a story about one of the first days Shin-ah had been with their group and had caught a fish in a stream with his bare hands. I was listening intently, awed by the man's sharpened reflexes, but still so perplexed by his magnanimous compliment that I could not stop fidgeting like a flustered handmaiden. Everything that reserved man said was precious, and when it was addressed specifically at me, it seemed even more tender- as if it were meant only for my ears to hear.

His hand lifted to my hair, and I turned to see him cautiously plucking a sole feather that had gotten tangled there. He extended the feather out towards me, but I pushed his hand back with a small smile; I had no need for it. He nodded his thanks and slowly curled his hands around it as if he were afraid to crush the precious treasure I offered him.

Yoon gave a wily smile when I met his eyes, but did not say anything in response as he offered a small comment to Yona's observation about the solemn swordsman the first time she had met him. I smiled at the compliments that seemed to spill from their lips about each person in our group. Everyone here was so loved; it felt as if we were all one family for far longer than the scant few weeks we had been traveling together.

Hak returned when the afternoon sun was sinking across the sea in a masterful show that morphed the once turquoise ocean into a floating mass of warm orange light. The man's face was weary and slightly unhappy as he came to stop at the foot of our camp. From the looks of it, he had returned empty-handed.

Which worried us all immensely.

“Hak, what's the matter?” Yona was standing to her feet, wiping at the hem of her robe as she moved to stand beside the warrior. “Did something happen in Awa?”

He looked at me for a good minute, then offered a nod. “You could say that.”

“Why are you looking at Ming-hua that way?” Yoon's voice was flat as he caught on to the perplexing look. “You're scaring her.”

He was right. The blood seemed to have left my face from the heavy look the warrior had placed on me. It was not an angry or vengeful look, but one that spoke of something foreboding.

“She might want to walk off or cover her ears when I tell the story.” He retorted plainly. “I think these things might hit a little too close to home for her.”

I understood the unspoken implication. He had seen something that would trigger one of my attacks, and had thought it best not to spill the news outright upon his return. For a moment, I was glad that the usual heartless warrior was having some sympathy towards me.

I stood to my feet before gesturing that I would go around to the other side of the shrine. He nodded as he took my place amongst the group, and did not start speaking until I had rounded the corner out of sight. I could not hear what they were speaking about, save for the subtle rise of their voices as Hak paused.

My stomach churned. It must have had something to do with soldiers doing indecent things; it was the only real trigger these people knew I had. Was Hak worried that I would be unable to enter the town without causing unwanted attention to the group? If he was, it was a good call. Even now my blood chilled at the mere thought of women being manhandled all at the expense of some sleazy miscreant who dared call himself a protector of the people.

I started to panic. This was the point in time when I had told myself I would have to part ways with the group. Now, I wasn't so sure. How could I go on on my own if there were soldiers teeming these parts who were no different than the ones who had ravaged my hometown? I would not be able to go into the town and barter for some food; one step in that place could very easily mean my ruin.

The taunts were beginning to linger on my skin as I remembered the vile nature of those days at someone else's expense. I could taste the agony, the hopelessness, and shame all as if they were happening all over again. The dark figures that loomed in my nightmares were closing in now. I cupped my hands over my ears to block out the haunting echoes they brought along with them.

A pair of hands came to rest against my wrists, and my eyes flew open to see Shin-ah kneeling in the dirt before me. His lips were pressed together, and for a moment, it looked as if he would frown. I was frowning myself; he could clearly see how easily Hak's cautious confession had already affected me. Did he think me weak for cowering at every small terror I felt? Did he feel something a kin to sympathy? Or weariness that I seemed to be someone with only two settings: blissful ignorance or debilitating panic?

He gingerly removed his hold stood to his feet. He did not reach for me, or guide me as he had the last time he had seen me in such trepidation, but merely pointed in the direction of the others. It seemed they had finished talking; the whisperings about the town and its overlapping problems with mine own had ended.

I stood as well and followed dejectedly along behind him, knowing where the group's conversation was going to inevitably go. They would tell me that it was far too complicated to travel with me any longer; that after tonight, we would no longer be traversing in the same direction. The group would head down into the port city, finish tracking down their companion, and be on their merry way to wherever it was they were going next.

And that would be that. I knew I had no right to rebuttal their choice.

My chest ached with grief; there would be no more laughter during meals, no more odd stories as we traveled in the heat of the day in a strange cluster, no more looking forward to waking up at dawn to joyfully bring back a kill to feed this band of merry travelers. There would be no more of Hak's sullen jokes or taunts, no more of Ki-ja's flustered replies that made me giggle at his innocence, no more of Yoon's wonderful attentive medicine or food, and most importantly, no more interactions with Shin-ah.

I looked at his back with an air of despondency. He, overall, had been the one who influenced me the most on this short trip we had all taken together. He was the one who watched me as I walked, who searched for me when I gave into the despair, and offered no criticism, anger, nor derision. He had said we were friends. He had held my hand, guided me through the darkness, and stopped anything that tried to bring me harm. Shin-ah was the angel, not me. The fluttering light that enveloped him made my heart ache; severing my tie to him would be unbearable.

We were welcomed back to the group as Yoon began cooking a small dinner of what little we had left, and judging by the even look on everyone's faces, the consensus had been one they all agreed upon. Yona's face seemed to note the weary fatigue I could no longer hide, but it lifted in kind reassurance as I looked on in expectation of her confession.

“Everything's been settled for tomorrow then.” Yona clapped her hands together in delight. I felt my stomach drop. Had she really been that eager to get rid of me? “Shin-ah,” She looked at the man in question with a growing smile. “Be sure to take very good care of Ming-hua tomorrow while we're away.”

My breath caught when he nodded his agreement. What in the world was she implying?

“The two of you would cause to much of a distraction in the town.” Hak informed me with a snort. “Seriously, do you two not realize how much of an oddity you are?”

“Hak!” Ki-ja shot the man a horrified look. “That's not a polite way to put it.”

“What he meant to say,” Yoon put in with that informative tone he used when the others got out of hand. “Is that a mask-wearing swordsman is going to attract too much attention on his own, let alone in a group, so keeping Shin-ah back was going to have had to happen regardless. Coupled with the fact that you'd obviously become a target to whomever it is causing trouble in town, you'd also draw too much attention so you'll stay back with him.”

I blinked; did I really stand out that much?

“They seem to be targeting beautiful, lower-income girls.” Yona's seriousness was tinted with a little humor. “I don't think any of us have any hard time seeing that you fit both of those requirements.”

I caught myself before I could laugh. Me, beautiful? Had the girl not seen the brazen looks all these men gave her? She was the beautiful one, with her rippling hair of rose and feminine sway.

“She is an angel, after all.” Yoon concurred with a sly grin. “Isn't that right, Shin-ah?”

“Huh?” Hak's blank visage drifted across the others as they giggled at Shin-ah's nonverbal agreement. “Did I miss something?”

“Nope!” Yona cut in with a beaming smile everyone but the warrior would understand. “Nothing at all.”

Hak scoffed and rubbed at the back of his head as she gave him a look of accomplishment. “You all are weird. Is this what I get for scouting on my own today?”

“No,” Yoon said as he stood with a bowl half-full of food and offered it to Hak with a level look. “This is.”

We all shared another laugh at Yoon's silent chastisement of the burly guard, and enjoyed the meager meal in genuine affability. No one spoke of the turmoil going on in the city, their worries about finding the man they were searching so adamantly for, or the problem we would have with food arising tomorrow. All five were teeming with optimism, it seemed. No matter what came their way, they overcame it with unwavering strength.

I wonder if that kind of strength was inside me. Did the Ming-hua before all of this have such resilience? Or was I bound to live the way I was now for the rest of eternity?

A vision of a younger me flitted across my mind, and I offered a melancholy grin to the ground. There was a flicker of strength there- a distant memory that faded as I helplessly watched the soldiers steal away every small ounce of happiness from my life. I tried to fight, but I ended up fleeing when I realized it was a losing endeavor. I chose life and freedom, and while it did not come with any assurance other than perhaps a minute or two difference between the time of my death, it was better than no future at all.

Hak was told of the story of how I had called the birds into the glen while he was away as we lay among our blankets in the abandoned shrine. The walls were illuminated by the flickering fire Yoon had lit in the hearth in the center of the sanctuary, dancing like birds in flight as everyone but Shin-ah pieced together the tale to the barely amused warrior. I smiled at how the small, simple act had moved them all with such wonder. Even the man, who I mused would scoff and say it showed how detached I was from anything resembling normality, gave a dry chuckle and hoped that I finally taught these good-for-nothings something useful for once.

My heart was filled with such thankfulness. They had not sent me off but protected me with the one thing that soothed my soul in this crazed world. A day alone with Shin-ah was better than I had imagined any outcome earlier. It sent dizzying waves of excitement down my spine and left me flushing from my cheeks to the hollow of my neck as I wiggled under my blanket.

Even if this merely foreshadowed the end of our time together, I told myself to cherish it all the more. A blessing- surely this had to be a blessing. It would be one brief glimmer of gentle kindness to mark an end of one of the best times I had yet known.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you yet again for the continued attention this fic has been getting. A very special thank you for all those who have left kudos and comments- your feedback means a lot to me!


	6. Chapter 6

I woke to the sound of birdsong echoing outside the shrine and begrudgingly made my way out into the woods beyond to hunt for the first time in three days. The sun was slowly beginning its climb up above the ocean's horizon and did not offer much light as I stumbled through the woods in a groggy haze. My dreams had been calm these past few days; they only offered swirls of colors, murmured voices, or the sound of wind chimes moments before I realized that my body was awakening. The lack of nightmares left me with stable spirits for the day to come and I almost smiled at the good luck being bestowed upon me.

The realization that this day in particular would be spent with the introverted man who shone like the moonlight jump-started my heartbeat and energized my mind in an instant. I pondered on what we could do while the others were away. A giddy laugh emerged at the innocent plights I saw the two of us doing in the group's absence. A quiet stroll through the sun-dappled forest beyond the shrine, a gentle talk of everything and nothing all seemed infinitely possible in the span of time we were going to be allotted. A peaceful time to savor when it was all I would have left of him.

The realization of our inevitable parting stung, but it did not linger long enough to dampen my mood. This was no time to wallow or fester in sadness. A day of thankfulness, reflection, and incandescently happy moments awaited me. Even if there was some seriousness, I would take it as it came. My spirit was strong; it had learned patience in the thousands of years it yearned to be reborn as a human.

My hunt was successful, and I skipped back to camp with a plump rabbit and a few snakes I had hacked at when they slithered out of nowhere. I usually did not care for reptiles in terms of food- there muscles were very lean and so close to the multitude of bones that allowed their slithering bodies to coil and uncoil against the ground- but when they looked ready to strike at my scarcely covered feet and ankles, I knew I had no choice.

The bountiful outing was met with exuberance from the group, and I dipped into a joking bow while holding onto the carcasses as the others clapped in delight. Yoon showed some alarm at the snakes when I dutifully handed them over to him, and even Hak, who seemed in better spirits than he did yesterday afternoon, made a scathing joke to Ki-ja about what his feelings were about eating some of his own family. The white haired man adamantly berated the now chuckling warrior on how he was not some meager, slithering snake but of something much nobler and refined. The rest of us laughed on at their comedic interaction as it panned out, and soon the two were laughing alongside us.

We ate the snake stew and roasted rabbit Yoon had cooked in leaves he gathered from the trees around us, and the seriousness of the task the others were about to embark on seemed far beyond the extent of the sea meters away from where we sat. I was smiling almost uncontrollably into my bowl at the sign of good fortune; it was already starting to be the perfect start to a day I anticipated would hold much warmth.

“Another fine meal thanks to our tactical cook and master huntress.” Ki-ja extended his polite thanks as he moved to gather everyone's empty bowls. “I am glad that we can start this day with full stomachs.”

Yona patted hers in agreement before scratching Ao as the well-fed squirrel lounged on her lap. “We wouldn't have had to worry if Hak had done as he promised.”

“Geez.” Hak groaned. His neutral features were now twisted into a look of discomfort. “How many times do I have to apologize to you idiots?”

“Until you realize that you're the one who's the biggest idiot here.” Yoon countered coolly. The boy had left the dishes and a wooden vat beside the fire and was now calmly packing his satchel. He glanced over to where I was sitting to give me a small smile. “Since you and Shin-ah are staying behind, I thought it'd only be fair for you to do the dishes. There's a well not far back from here- you remember it from our walk yesterday, right?- so draw some water from there and you should be good to go.”

I nodded and gave him a thumbs up in reassurance. Having to do things would help ease the two of us into a comfortable sort of environment. Up until now, Shin-ah had positioned himself on the far corner of the group beside Ki-ja and did not offered me much attention.

“We'll be leaving most of our stuff with you as well.” Hak was gesturing to his pack, as well as the two other bags that carried the crucial items the group needed to survive out in the open. “Our larger weapons will attract too much attention the way that city is right now, so it'll all be here under your supervision.” His serious look morphed to a smirk as he split a glance between the two of us. “That means no funny business that'll distract you two for too long, alright?”

“Hak!” Yona was flushing at the man's continued attempt to poke fun at whatever wildly conjured idea he still held about Shin-ah relationship with me. “Don't be so lewd this early in the morning!”

“Our princess is right!” I always cracked a grin at the reverent nickname Ki-ja used when talking about Yona. His look of reprimand morphed to an amiable smile as it landed on me. “Shin-ah and Ming-hua have spirits that meld well together. Do not harp them for such genuine rapport.”

Yoon laughed in disbelief. “Rapport? I have never heard anyone use that word outside of an old manuscript I read once.”

The others laughed as the white-haired man inevitably flushed at Yoon's witticism. I had to smile; he seemed to understand there was nothing short of platonic companionship that joined Shin-ah's soul to my own. Even if I could not deny that there was some odd sense of desire on my end, I knew it was not reciprocal from the aloof man. His was a kind of love that denied physical boundaries; it was a love of souls that bestowed unwavering mercy in times of failure and joy in times of strength.

After a round of goodbyes from the group and a promise on their behalf to be back with supplies in the afternoon, Shin-ah and I were left at the shrine with little much to do but wait for their return. The man still had not budged from his spot, nor made much of a comment to anyone during our morning meal. I couldn't help but wonder if the agreement he had given yesterday to be left with me was not as genuine as it had appeared. He seemed pale and more introverted than usual when I allowed myself a searching look- both were signs that perhaps the night had plagued him with something that did not sit well on his consciousness.

I told myself to sit still and see if he would break the awkward atmosphere by moving or perhaps even saying something, but the man remained almost supernaturally still minutes after the others had departed. While I knew I had did nothing wrong, it was still hard to say that the guilt did not lie with me. We were the only two left, after all. If his attitude did not change with only me around, it was in response to something I had unwillingly did.

I sauntered from my spot against the fire to where Yoon had left the dishes and moved to scoop the wooden vat into my arms. Shin-ah's watchful look been following me the entire time, and the unwavering attention he offered with it worried me. He had never watched me with such anxiousness before; my intuition that something had happened while I was away continued to be proven right.

Knowing it was better not to coerce the man into doing anything that might send him tumbling into a more volatile mood, I decided it was best to go off and let him have some space. I tucked the vat under one of my arms and gave him a small smile. “I'll go down to the well and be right back.” He moved to open his mouth to probably tell me that it was unsafe for me to venture out alone, but I silenced him with a sweep of my free hand before he could say anything. “I'll be fine. You always seem to know if there's trouble before I do,” I offered a lopsided smile. “So I know you'll be watching out for me from here.”

He was silent for a moment but gave a nod of agreement not long afterward. I gave a respectful nod of my head to his nonverbal agreement and sauntered off down the trail. My smile slowly faded with each step I took down the small path that jutted off the main path. I was questioning myself, retracing every action I had done since finding out we would be alone together to make sure nothing had been out of line. From my remembrance, none of it seemed to merit any concern. I wondered what kind of situations could make the usually kind man suddenly put up a barrier that blocked me from feeling his warmth. My stomach dropped; none of the options swarming my mind were easy to swallow.

This was not the Shin-ah I had known in the weeks of our travels, and it worried me terribly. He had always been the one supporting me, observing every small change in my demeanor before any of the others could. He saw my weakness and did not criticize me for it. My chest ached at the thought of him suffering in my stead; surely there must be something I could do to show him I was there for him if he needed my solace.

Approaching someone who did not want to be approached was not a simple thing to find an answer for. I frowned into the well as I slowly dropped the worn wooden bucket within its hold, and placed all my frustrations into the taut line as I hauled it back up to fill our wooden vat. I would not give up so easily, but I would also not provoke him. With my aura and actions I would show him that I would be there for him. But if he did not want my intrusion, I would not press beyond what he wished of me.

My walk back to the shrine proved to be a little longer as I attempted to balance the heavy vat in my arms without sloshing the precious cargo of water back a few hundred paces. The weight was far more than I was used to, and my arms trembled in weariness half-way back. I knew that stopping could just as easily mean that I would not be able to retake the load, so I pressed forward with stubborn reluctance to give in so easily.

Shin-ah was waiting at the farthest patch of the glen just past the shrine, watching me nervously as he stood with his fists clenched at his sides. It was clear he had come this far in an attempt to catch me as I walked back, and the slight return to his familiar actions put a tender smile on my face. I picked up my pace to reassure him that I was alright; seeing him return to a fraction of his old self made me almost forget the painful weight my arms were bearing.

He did not find my brisk walk appeasing enough and hurried down the path to take the vat of water in my arms before I could tell him that I was alright. My arms fell to my sides as he safely secured the heavy vat in his own. “Thank you.” I sighed as the exhaustion hit me. “I would have managed on my own. You didn't have to leave the others' things unguarded to help me.”

He shook his head, but offered nothing more as he started back down the path at a steady pace. I sauntered along a few steps behind him still cautiously wary about how much room I should give him. He had not seemed himself yet; something was still pressing on his conscious that demanded some respectful distance on my behalf.

He dutifully placed the vat on the fire he had kept burning low in my absence, and moved away to let me go about cleaning the dishes without crowding my space. I knelt beside the vat, rolling the sleeves of my robe up to my elbows so I could scrub the dishes in peace. A soft hum pulled out of my lips as I worked with the warming water, and a song emerged into the air between us as I tried to keep the awkward silence from eating at us both:

_Oh, little lotus flower_

_Blooming in the shadow of a palace wall_

_Far, far away_

_How strong and beautiful you are_

_Blooming in that place_

 

_Oh, little lotus flower_

_Shining like moonlight on the water_

_Far, far away_

_You brighten my heart each night_

_Blooming in that place_

 

_Oh, little lotus flower_

_Please remain forever in my spirit_

_Far, far away_

_Keep the haunting thoughts at bay_

_Blooming in that place_

 

With my song done, so was my work. I wrung my hands into my tunic and sat the clean dishes against my robe so I could move to walk them back to our pack. He was watching me again- oh how sure and strong his vision seemed to linger on my back- but I told myself not to think much of it. We had time to figure whatever this was out. There was no need to rush and provoke someone who clearly did not wish to move at anything but his own pace today.

“Your song..” His voice trailed off as I closed the pack and moved to stand to my feet. I turned to see him sitting not as rigid now; some of the anxiety seemed to have melted away as he readied himself to speak. “was pretty.”

“Thank you.” I replied with a soft laugh while sauntering over to his side. I gestured to the spot to his left, and waited until he gave a brief nod of agreement to sit. A small smile pulled at my lips; every small step forward was a victory in of itself. “It's a song my mother used to sing.”

“She sang to you? Often?”

My smile fell a little, though the melancholy pang of remembrance in my chest made it remain. “Often enough. Much more when I was younger, but she did it when I was older as well. On nights when it was hard to sleep, she would quietly tell tales or sing songs to ease our minds.”

He nodded but decided not to press for more. I watched him nudge a twig with his foot into the embers of the fire; the man was still much too subdued for my liking. So instead, I attempted to engage him in something other than his own brooding and offered a gentle suggestion. “Is there anything you'd like to do today together? The weather really is lovely, and I think we can manage the packs between the two of us.”

He shook his head violently in disagreement but did not say a word.

“Is it something I did, Shin-ah?” My voice was warbling with worry. His strong displeasure to the suggestion made me fear that I had done something out of line that irked him.“If I did, please, tell me. I meant you no harm. Truly.”

He shook his head with just as much vehemence before he finally spoke. “It's not you. It's me. I-I don't want to harm you. This is my first time.. alone.. without the others.” He curled his legs close to his body. “I am a monster.”

I sat quietly, so grieved by his darkened words that I thought I would break out into a torrent of tears. The poor man saw himself as a monster? Did Shin-ah think if he did not engage me much while we were alone without the safety of the others nearby, he would bring me some kind of harm? Did he not see how wrong those deprecating thoughts were? Could he not see how tender and gentle he was- how every action he carried out screamed saintliness?

“You're wrong.” I paused as he shook his head again. A descending sigh left my lips when he huddled himself into an even tighter ball than before. “I said you're wrong, Shin-ah. We've been alone together before, remember? In the meadow that one night? And if you were so much of a monster as you claim to be, wouldn't the group have shown some wariness to leave us alone? Wouldn't something horrible have happened to someone- to me?”

He shook his head. “I do not want to hurt you. I-I am cursed.”

Cursed?

Was that the reason he wore that mask with such fervor? To protect us all from whatever horrible power he must restrain in his eyes? Surely not. Even if I understood wholeheartedly that he had some uncanny strength that made his visage remained barred from us, I knew he was not a man who would use it to maim or harm another person without justification. The poison ran deep in his blood, as it did in mine. Someone had tainted this beautiful soul into believing himself capable of nothing but destruction.

The thought sickened me to my core.

“Liar.” I was teeming with anger, but calmed myself as Shin-ah jolted at that tone of voice. “True monsters and curses make people self-centered menaces to the world around them. You,” I broke to smile as I thought of every ray of light he had cast into my life these past few weeks. “You brighten everyone's life by existing in this group. Would a monster run half-way through a forest to save a woman he knew nothing about? Or travel with other people if he found himself so much of a danger? You are kind, patient, and merciful, Shin-ah. Your heart is more pure than a palace full of gold. You are afraid for whatever reasons your past has given you to justify the darkness, but if you saw yourself from our eyes, the only darkness you would see is the shadow that trails behind you as you march fearlessly into the light.”

He was quiet for a few moments after my heartfelt speech. I couldn't help but wonder if my words had broken through to him. Surely the others had showered him with trust, understanding, and love in the time that they had been together. Even Ao, whose love seemed unbridled with anyone the squirrel met, knew her master well and did not waver once from his side when they were together. How could any of those qualities make him a monster?

“I can still hurt you.” His voice was somber now. It seemed as though he was too weary to fight the darkness anymore.

“You can, but you won't.” I was not afraid of him. He was not the same breed of men those soldiers were. He was not the type to use his power or strength over anyone unless it meant protecting one of his own. Even if he did as he feared, my spirit felt unwavering commitment to him. This man was more than his power and more than his past. “We aren't judged by the actions we can do, Shin-ah, but what we did do. Those people who made you fear what you can do are wrong and cruel. You are more than their fearful deprecation; I think you have proven them wrong again and again. Your actions are of selflessness and protection because at your core, that is what you are made of. You already have proven everything they said to be false when you chose not to give into your power. Besides, they have no right to judge you. Everyone on this earth is tainted with darkness, though some more than others.” I squeezed a painful smile. “Like me. I'm the one who's truly cursed.”

Every word I spoke held verity. I was cursed with a soul that should not exist inside this battered body. Chao-Xing's unwavering wish that would go unfulfilled as I inevitably succumbed to the darkness of reality. It was an unshakable feeling that would fester like an unhealed wound as time continued to stretch on without the arrival of the blue dragon-warrior ever occurring.

“I'm sorry.” His words overflowed with painful understanding.

“Don't be.” I laughed softly, though the humor did not quite reach my words. “It means that I can understand you better.”

“You... You want to know me?”

I had to smile at his almost childish disbelief. “Of course I do. That's what friends desire, Shin-ah. They carry each others burdens and long to know each other better than anyone else in the world. Didn't you say we were friends that night we sat in the meadow?”

He offered a bob of his head that did not hold any hesitation. I beamed a smile to see him finally coming out of whatever shell he had forced himself to hide behind. This was the Shin-ah I adored: a little reserved, but kind and observant unlike any I had ever known before.

We spent the few hours or so talking about nothing of great importance, save for the fact that it made us each more unique. I asked him questions I wanted to know about him that would not touch on anything grave: what time of day he enjoyed most, what his favorite food was, did he have a favorite animal, and so on and so forth. He thought hard about each question- probably more so than anyone else in our group would have done- and sometimes offered a curious question of his own to me.

Somehow or another, our conversation prompted the man to show me some of his sword-wielding techniques, and I watched in awe as he went through the various exercises he did to keep his trade sharp and ready for use if the group ever needed it. He did not strike with fury or dominance the way the soldiers did in my village; he seemed to be dancing, gliding from one movement to the next as his sword cut through the air and glimmered in the sunlight.

I clapped with enthusiasm as he paused to catch his breath. He lifted his lips but did not form anything resembling a smile as his sword returned to its sheath on his back. I squeezed his arm in excitement when he returned to sit next to me but moved soon afterward to grab a water-skin and a swatch of cloth from our pack.

He took the skin with a grateful nod before taking a long sip. I watched on, still stuck in star-struck bliss from his almost dance-like performance. “Amazing.” My praise was adamant. “Really, you were. The time you've put into it shows. Its a true skill.” I gestured to his face with a sweep of my hand. “Here, let me wipe the sweat from your brow. Would you feel comfortable removing your mask for a moment?”

He sat tensely from the sudden inquiry. My heart dropped as I realized my untimely blunder. Perhaps I had pushed my luck. That mask was a much greater boundary than he let on, and while we had made such progress today, with it lingering against his visage I knew we were no where close to being completely trusting in each other. Trust came with time; it was a luxury I did not have at my disposable now that we had reached the port.

Shin-ah surprised me when he began lifting his mask over his forehead. I blinked in confusion, thinking I was still stuck in a trance, but his face remained open for viewing as it had been before. His eyes were screwed tightly shut, as if he worried that they would somehow open if he did not keep them closed so tightly. A lopsided grin pulled at my lips as he tested his faith in me; perhaps it was not so foolish to believe Shin-ah wished to place some trust in me like I did with him.

I moved to gently dab the pooling sweat that accumulated where the mask had once been. His eyes slowly began to lose the pinched tightness he had exuded at the beginning, relaxing as I tenderly went about my work. My heart fluttered; he was so handsome. Even if he kept his eyes shut for the rest of our time together, just the ability to gaze into that innocent face unmarked by time would suffice. I found myself wanting to touch his face with my fingertips and memorize every inch of skin there so it could be etched into my mind for the incoming days when he would no longer be here. The lightness of joy was pushed aside by the sudden barrage of grief; this was all going to end far too soon.

“You can put your mask back on.” I offered softly, hoping that the sadness was not imminent in my voice. He slowly slid the mask on and gave a light yawn as it settled back over his pale face. The sadness seemed to melt away under the innocent noise, and I smiled at is sudden arrival. “Did my rambling tire you out?”

“No.” He said, but it was followed by another yawn. This one was far longer than the first and sent me giggling. “I did not sleep well.”

I cocked my head to see him fiddling with his fingers. “Were you worrying about today?”

“Yes and no.” He said quietly. “The nightmares seemed to overlap.”

I knew better than to ask what they were about and opted for a better solution. “You could take a nap. There's not much else to do before the others come back; you deserve every chance to relax until then.”

He shook his head. “Yona said I shouldn't leave you on your own. It is my job to protect you.”

“I'll be just fine.” I reassured him with a confident smirk. “If there's any problem at all, I'll scream at the top of my lungs and jump-start you out of your nap.”

“But-”

“Look at me, Shin-ah.” My smile grew when he looked into my face. “There's nothing to worry about. Just rest your head for a little while so you can feel more energized for when the others return. They are supposed to be returning with your friend today, am I right?”

“Not today.” He informed me levelly. “He will not be an easy person to catch up with.”

“A trouble maker, huh?” I mused with some humor. “Well, all the more reason to rest.”

He fidgeted again. “If the others don't return by sun down... will you wake me then?”

I smiled in triumph. It seemed that hard-earned trust was starting to manifest between us. “As you wish.”

He pulled the pelt from his head as he reclined in the dirt and looked at me with a wary expression that signaled that he was still quite hesitant to fall asleep with no one to defend me. I rolled my eyes at his unnecessary concern and patted at my lap, hoping that the gesture would ease his mind. There was no need to worry; my instincts were honed enough to keep anything from happening to us while he slumbered.

Shin-ah was only skeptical for a moment longer before his weariness outweighed his worries and he gave in to the need for sleep. His head came to rest on my thigh as he looked up at the sky with a slow exhale. I could feel my body tensing at the feeling of someone being pressed against me, but the rigid panic melted as his breathing deepened and he was silently taking in the scenery of the forest's canopy above us.

My hands drifted to his scalp as a breeze swept over us, smelling so much like the sea beyond that it made me smile at how blissful my life had turned out to be. I ran my fingers slowly through the tendrils of his short azure hair, cautious as not to wake him if he was indeed asleep. A string of a melody drifted from my heart, and I hummed it softly into the silence as we sat in gentle reverie. My eyes filled with tears as the song lured at something hidden within my soul. I could not understand why; such aching spoke not of bliss, but of sadness.

Perhaps it was the momentous occasion that embodied so much more than the naked eye could see. My life had almost been void of tender connections, and out of nowhere, the heavens shower me with blessing upon blessing in that regard. I was all too well aware of what awaited me in the world- what loomed just beyond the cliffs of Awa and most of the villages that plagued this planet. I did not think that the gods were watching me any longer. To receive such generosity from a man who so desperately needed it for himself was far sweeter and more valuable than any other act of kindness this world could offer me.

I wished, in those brief hours of Shin-ah's napping, that time would sit still. That the scent of the sea would always linger on the air between us, and the forest, hushed in a trance, would remain dappled with the sunlight that wrapped us both in auras of gold. Even that the feeling of a man sleeping beside me as he rested his head on my lap would forever comfort me the way it did now, so steady and sure it eased my soul with its irreplaceable tranquility.

It was a chunk of perfect completion that filled parts of my being I had not known had been hollow before. My heart ached. Would I ever feel this peaceful again?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, as always, for all the kind remarks and feedback this story has received. I look forward to writing more for you soon!


	7. Chapter 7

But that blissful moment, like all the carefree times in my life, was severed short.

Shin-ah did not move once as he slept, and his undisturbed slumber reassured me that his body was taking the much needed chance to rest. I understood from the sounds of the quiet forest around us that our group would not return until well past when the sun began its descent. A smile flitted across my face; the longer this beautiful moment could stretch out, the better it would be for my selfish heart.

The once crisp scenery draped in warm patches of green earth and leafy boughs lost some of its brilliance as the light began to soften with the orange glow of afternoon, and the birds soon took up their last songs of the day. I sat quietly soaking everything in, resting in a way that seemed to mend my broken soul in a manner that sleep could not. The man laying beside me seemed oblivious to it all until he awoke with a start.

“Shin-ah?” I moved to run a hand against his hair to calm him. It seemed as though he had jumped headlong out of another nightmare. “I'm here. Don't worry.”

He gave a small sound of acknowledgment and remained as he was. “The others are on their way back.”

“They are?” I mused; I had not heard any noise that would signal a group as large as ours approaching. No one could deny that there was something powerful in Shin-ah's eyes. I often found myself questioning if they had some kind of otherworldly tie that connected him to the world around us in ways I could not fathom. There seemed to be something uncanny about almost everyone in this group- a little touch of the divine that seemed to be a fable in and of itself. I knew it wasn't a cause for concern; these odd powers were what ensured that they all would survive in this dangerous and destructive world. “Well, we should get a fire going to greet them with. I'll go gather some tinder and be back while you stretch your limbs.”

I waited until he slumped upright to stretch my own limbs, sighing with blissful thankfulness that the two of us had worked our way out of whatever slump the morning held and gotten closer. My soul danced with joy in the dwindling light of day; how could something as simple as talking, laughing, and sitting in silence with someone feel so momentous?

No, I knew why. In this ravenous world that threatened to consume every good fiber of your being, any flickering spark of kindness resounded in the darkness like a firework. It illuminated the parts of my soul I had put behind very fortified walls and danced with the hopes that took flight like freed birds from the caged hell that once held me captive. This day created a small token of strength to combat the overwhelming times of debilitating weakness that threatened to consume me.

I turned to hide my quiet smile as I went to walk out of the glen, but a hand gently caught my wrist before I could take a step. My head swiveled back slowly to see Shin-ah looking up at me, and the lingering look was one of silent searching so intent it left me flustered. This man did not understand how easily he seemed to seep beneath my defenses.

“T-thank you.” He stumbled, flushing himself as I watched him in bewilderment. “For letting me rest.”

My lips parted, but only a small coo would exit. The words had shriveled up under his tender thanks. And for a moment, I was in another world entirely, but when I blinked, the vision of another forest and another hand holding me as he did dissipated into the air like it had been a fleeting illusion. A small smile pulled at my lips, and the words seemed to have returned from the strange vision.

“You have no need to thank me.” I murmured softly. “I'm forever in your debt.”

His grip on my wrist slackened, and I gingerly removed myself from it so I could flee into the forest. My heart was racing. Idiot! Why did I say something like that to him? Men did not respond well to words like that. My cheeks flushed in mortification. He would think me a fool. Forever in his debt? I knew that I was, but did it merit being spoken so brazenly?

I prayed that Shin-ah would not think much of it. The steady prancing of my heart made me jittery, almost to the point that I thought I would faint at the anxiety I was now being controlled by. He was the only thing of comfort I had, and if he decided that perhaps I was far too inclined to his kindness for his liking, I might lose all the trust I had gained with him today. I knew what I was thinking was selfish and lucrative; he would not sully his kind aura towards me just because I had shown him a little more of my bleeding heart than was necessary.

The feelings settled as I preoccupied myself with gathering some timber for the fire. The repetitive movement pushed back any anxiety to where it had come from and allowed me to think clearly. I was so lucky- too lucky even. My body was becoming far too greedy; I had to nip this growing feeling at its source before it could unravel what little peace I found.

My timing returning with the small bundle of branches seemed to coincide perfectly with the return of the group, and I smiled widely at my well-timed arrival. I placed the sticks down in a neat pile on the grass and quickly found my way amongst the others to give them a bob of my head in greeting or squeeze their hands in my own if I felt more comfortable with that. The four were smiling, but like Shin-ah had said before, had not returned with an unfamiliar face amongst them.

“Ming-hua.” Yona squeezed my hands in greeting when I stopped in front of her. The warm, comforting expression exuding from her face reassured me that their day had been fruitful even if it had not gone as planned. “Did you have a nice day with Shin-ah?”

I gave a nod of my head after smiling a little wider. It was a day I doubted I would ever forget.

“Good.” Her face brightened. “I'm very glad to hear it.”

“Aren't you going to ask them what they did?” Hak gave me a smirk as he stood behind her. "I'm surprised.”

Yona's cheeks rouged with embarrassed anger. “Hak! Will you please cut it out?! It's indecent to ask. Ming-hua said they had a nice day. That's all I need to know.”

“Exactly.” Yoon moved to smack the man on the neck as he passed with a sack of fresh ingredients. “At least they do what I ask them to,” His eyes lifted to me and his lips soon lifted into a pleased smile. “Unlike _some_ people.”

“Look, I'm sorry about last night.” Hak was beyond exasperated as he turned to look at the smirking teen. “I helped you find plenty of supplies today. Problem solved.”

I was peering curiously into Yoon's sack now as they teased the warrior and gasped sharply as the eyes of a colorful fish met my own. The creature was dead, thankfully, but shimmered like the rainbow after a rainstorm when the light hit it. It was covered in something that look like small gem platelets- scales, was it? Mama had told a tale about a magic fish and its powerful scales before- and I smiled as the familiar tale drifted over my thoughts.

“Is this your first time seeing a tropical fish?” Yoon moved his arm into the sack and pulled the hefty fish out so I could see it in its entirety. “They're a lot more colorful than the ones you'd find in a stream. This one eats other fish, so it'll taste a lot meatier than one that just eats plant life.”

I nodded intently as I moved to press a finger against its firm body. The slimy texture had me wriggling in dislike, and that was more than enough to prod Yoon into giving me a hard time. The boy lifted the fish in one of his hands and smacked it against my palm, laughing as I squealed in horror at the intensely grotesque feeling that seeped in my veins. I was pushing away from him as he hoisted the fish in his hand in an attempt to get me again, and the two of us were running like a bunch of carefree children as we wove in and out of the group in some strange game of tag.

I worked my way behind Shin-ah, who had been watching the odd game of ours with quiet confusion, and pinned myself against his back so he could shield me from Yoon's incoming attack. The man merely lifted his arm to hoist the slippery fish out of the boy's outstretched hand with a small tug when Yoon tried to lunge towards me, and like that, the game was over. I lifted my hands above my head in victory as Shin-ah studied the fish, then Yoon, and lastly me as we both attempted to catch our breath with childish grins of enjoyment tugging at our lips.

He walked away with the fish and stopped in front of Ki-ja, who was now watching him with a dubious look of confusion. There was a moment of tense silence as the two men stared at each other, before Shin-ah slid the fish over the man's exposed left hand the way Yoon had done with me. It did not elicit the same reaction; Ki-ja merely looked at the expectantly waiting man with an air of dawning bewilderment.

Yona could not contain her humor at Shin-ah's innocent invitation for Ki-ja to play our strange fish-inspired game and was soon bent over laughing as if she had not laughed in many moons. Hak's lips twisted into a smirk of enjoyment at her infectious merriment but was soon chuckling as well. We all joined in not longer after him and laughed until we were dizzy with giddiness.

Yoon went to retrieve the fish from the now very confused swordsman who jerked his head from one person to the next as we quieted to wipe our eyes or catch our breath. I had to smile as his childlike innocence; all he had wanted to do was play like we had. It reminded me so much of a boy of perhaps five or six, teeming with eagerness to join into what after rambling scenario prompted the other children around him to take up a game.

We all ate our dinner in high spirits, listening as Yona or one of the three men who had traveled down to Awa gave a small tale for Shin-ah and myself to enjoy. I laughed in between bites of rice and Yoon's stew teeming with sweet seafood and chunky seaside vegetables, glad that while they were still missing the man they so fervently searched for, they had found much to occupy their time. Yona spoke about some of the unique trinkets she had seen, and even Yoon, who had not seemed very happy with how the city had turned out, expressed his own amusement with the herbal capacity a few vendors had exhibited.

“There was one thing I did find intriguing.” He broke off to dig in his satchel as Ki-ja took our dirty dishes and went off to the well to get some water with Hak. The teen extended a small vial out to me, swinging it lightly in-between his thumb and index finger before I reluctantly took it. “It's the oil of a nut that's grown exclusively around here; it's called a kaku. The vendor said it helps strengthen hair when it grows extensively and starts becoming brittle.” He flushed at I looked at him with quiet awe. “I-it wasn't expensive, and since you keep your hair so long, I thought you should at least have it stay healthy.”

“Is that what you were haggling with that one old man for?” Yona peeked her head over his shoulder with a affectionate grin. “You really wouldn't budge on having it.”

“Shut up!” Yoon's face was almost entirely red now. He hastily dug in his bag to pull out a different vial and dropped it onto her lap. “I got some oils for your skin, too, so don't think I favor her over you or something stupid like that.”

Yona made a small sound of surprise as she held onto her precious gift. “You didn't have to, Yoon.”

“I know that.” He grumbled while scratching at his head. “But someone has to watch our for you two ladies. These other three numbskulls probably have no idea how to help you other than to use brute strength, so it was up to the smart and handsome one to take over in that regards.”

Yona moved to wrap her arms around the boy and squeezed him gently. “Thank you, Yoon. You have a very generous heart.”

He mumbled something under his breath while hurrying to distract himself with making a fresh pot of tea for us. I watched with a growing smile as he furrowed his brows and tried to retain a serious expression; the boy was far too kindhearted to remain sullen for long. He was the doting benefactor of the group who ensured our mental and physical well-being. Without him, gods know where this group, or me for that matter, might have wound up on our journey.

Hak and Ki-ja returned with a bevy of water, and the suggestion for a hot bath was offered by Yona as she looked at the buckets filled to the brim. Yoon agreed to the sentiment, saying that the humid air around the sea would make us sweat more profusely than when we had just been in the forest. The water was rationed for the nightly duties, and the rest was promptly warmed over the fire for bathing.

Hak and Shin-ah were sent away to make a partition of some sort for privacy when we bathed, and Ki-ja went about helping Yoon with the dishes from our evening meal. I kept Yona company as she settled quietly and watched the others, and I did my best to keep the fire going at a large enough momentum to warm the vats of water we had hung above them. The steam came after several minutes, and by then, the two men who had went off to make a safe bathing area had returned.

“Alright.” Hak pointed to the back of the shrine with a jerk of his thumb. “We put the canvas and some blankets up. Someone can guard the area while the women bathe, and we'll figure it out from there.”

“I have a better suggestion.” Yoon put in with a look to the group as Shin-ah settled back amongst us. “We could all just go together.”

Hak's mouth flew open, but he shut it to give the boy a weary look. “Huh?”

“The water's already hot, and there's no point in anyone stripping down butt-naked with the amount of water we have to split between six of us. A quick scrub at your scalps and limbs, and that will be that. Why?” The teen turned to raise an eyebrow at the clearly perturbed man. “Is that too indecent for you?”

“Of course it is.” Hak seemed to think the boy had gone mad. “The women should do their own-”

“I think that's a wonderful idea!” Yona clapped her hands together. Hak gaped at her untimely interruption but quickly shut his mouth to scowl at her enthusiasm. “What a smart idea, Yoon. It'll give us something nice to end our evening off with after the crazy mess today turned out to be.”

“I-” Ki-ja was flushing all the way up to his ears as he stumbled to get his own opinion out. “I have to agree with Hak. It's too indecent.”

Yoon shrugged. “Oh well. Shin-ah, you're welcome to join us if you want to bathe with us. If not, be sure to keep these two away when they try to peek.”

The two warriors made an attempt to contest but were silenced as we all laughed at their predicable responses. Shin-ah merely looked at them, then at us, and scooted himself closer to Yona to show that he had sided with us. My chest fluttered with an excited nervousness that wasn't entirely pleasing; I did not like to show my body in front of the others, but I was curious to see what lingered beneath Shin-ah's heavy robes.

“Seems like he's with us.” Yoon smirked as the numbers worked in our favor. “See you later then, Hak and Ki-ja. Have fun fretting around the fire while we enjoy a nice hot bath together.”

Hak opened his mouth, then shut it with a growl. “I'm coming too. There is no way in hell I'm letting Yona go off with you three fools.” Ki-ja was mumbling something to himself now, and tried to walk away. Hak grabbed him by the collar of his white cloak and held tight. “You're coming too, White Snake. If I have to suffer through this, so do you.”

“Wh-” The other man was struggling to pull himself away, but Hak would not budge. “N-no. I- Yo-Yona..”

“What about me?” Yona dipped her head to look at the man with innocent concern. “Do you want me to wash your hair for you, Ki-ja?”

His face was as red as a plum blossom in bloom. The man's mouth was moving but not a single sound was being emitted. I wondered what flustered him so badly. He would not turn down the girl's invitation, would he? It was obvious he adored her in the same ways I think Hak did.

He ended up saying nothing, and the awkward reaction left Yona giggling. “Then it's settled. Let's go! Shin-ah and Hak, grab the water and let's be on our way.”

I sauntered in the back of the group, chuckling lightly as the two flustered men attempted to persuade Yoon that he was marching us all into a death trap. Yoon smirked at their antics and wryly told them to calm down. We were all practically adults and knew what each other's boundaries were. If they couldn't understand that, he teased, then maybe they should go take a nice long plunge in the ocean to calm themselves.

My skin began to ripple with goosebumps as my own thoughts got the better of me, and I began to feel anxious about exposing any skin to these people. I knew none of them were remotely interested in me- why would they when a beautiful girl like Yona merited all their attention?- but the thought of exposing myself, even just that little, made me more vulnerable than I liked. Revealing my body- even in the smallest ways- made me feel shameful and self-conscious about every small horror I had seen.

Like I had hesitated that day at the stream with Yona, I found myself almost frozen as the others began to laugh and undo their tunics or shrug their robes off their torsos without a care in the world. I told myself not to look as I hesitantly stood in a corner of the partition as the group went about laughing or calling to each other. It was easy to not let my gaze wander from the dirt before me; every giggle or teasing comment left me bashful and equally as anxious. My hands were picking fretfully at my robe as the others began to bathe; should I just walk out now and attempt to look as if I had gone to relieve myself?

I did not want anyone to look at me as anything other than the quiet girl who brought a kill in at dawn and brought more trouble than she was worth. I did not want to be seen as a woman the way Yona was; I wanted to be invisible- a mere flicker of light in the backdrop of this already effulgent group.

“What are you doing, dummy?” Yoon tapped me on the shoulder when he came up behind me. I instinctively clutched my hands into my robe and held tight. He gave a soft sigh when I stood frozen; the boy seemed to read me almost as well as Shin-ah could. “Come on, I'm not going to do anything to you. Just sit if you don't want to take anything off; no one's going to touch you if you don't want them to.”

My hands clenched even tighter. Gods, I wanted to believe him. I couldn't. Not when the sneering, lustful looks of the soldiers drifted just behind my eyes.

_Are you just going to let them dictate the rest of your life?_

The sudden question shot like an arrow through my mind. The answer was simple, and yet it wasn't. Of course I wouldn't allow anyone else control over my future; I was the one in control of my own life. But they had stolen the reigns away from me when I tried so horribly to keep control. I was afraid to let anyone else snatch the authority over me from my own hands again.

I wanted to laugh at how silly it all was. These people did not want to control me. Yoon was right: I was the one who chose what I wanted to do and made sure my boundaries were respected. If any of these men had been interested in me, I would have known by now. One simple act of bathing- if it could even be considered such- would not lead to my destruction.

My hands slowly unwound from my robe, and I steadied myself with a deep breath as I lowered the vial of kaku oil to the ground. My fingers then moved to the ribbon holding my hair in its braid and undid that until it hung around my shoulders in crimped ebony waves. I lowered my hands to my outer robe, released the two bone claps that held it pinned just beneath my collarbones, and shrugged the main robe just beneath it until it fell above my bellybutton. The cool night air seeped against my skin, but as badly as I wanted to shiver, I braced myself and knelt beside Yoon.

He moved to dunk a vat of warm water over my head, and the water sloshed down over my shoulders and down my back and chest bindings. The warmth was blissfully welcome against my skin, and I sighed under its comforting hold. Yoon moved to splash the water on my hair once more, and allowed the water to saturate my scalp.

“Yoon,” I felt him turn in the direction of Yon'a call. She had been bathing on the other side with Hak and Ki-ja attempting to keep themselves occupied nearby. “Is there a specific time you're supposed to leave this oil on your skin?”

“Wait,” Yoon had put the vat down on the ground beside me when he turned to respond. “I'm coming right now.” He gave me a pat on the head. “Shin-ah.” He called somewhere to my right. “Come here and wash Ming-hua's hair for me while I help Yona.”

I felt myself tense as the other man hummed his agreement and sauntered over. My face was flushing at the thought of him, half-naked, seeing me half-naked for the first time. Would he think that my shoulders were too broad in length or that my back was not pale enough? Would he look to Yona and compare her creamy skin-tone and lithe figure with my own?

His fingers came to weave under my hair onto my damp scalp but paused hesitantly as I jolted under the sudden contact. My blush had deepened; it felt like hot coals had deposited themselves against my cheekbones. I wondered if the heat reached all the way up to where Shin-ah's fingers were resting. What was he thinking? Did it even matter? Was I the only one overreacting about something so trivial?

Those same fingertips began to move against my scalp so slowly and gently that I only jolted once as the sudden movement flooded my senses. My eyes began to close as he scrubbed and lathered my long locks with a patient efficiency that spoke what words ever could. The fear that made my muscles rigid melted away while the sounds of the others drifted somewhere in the distance behind us. For a brief window of time, it felt as if it was only the two of us sharing this strangely intimate moment.

“I'm back.” Yoon's voice flooded over our wordless exchange, and like that, the tranquil time between Shin-ah and myself drifted off into the night air. “Shin-ah, I'll take over for you. Ming-hua, wash his hair while I put these oils in yours. I'm putting a vat of water down beside you.”

I found myself nodding mechanically as Shin-ah cut across my plane of vision. His back and shoulders were exposed as I quickly realized he had already discarded his outer robe and tunic, and I found myself unable to keep my eyes off of his pale skin. I knew he was muscular, but gods, this, _this_ was more body mass than I could have anticipated. He was powerful, broadened by a set of shoulders that were wide but not imposing like Hak's. His upper arms were sculpted by segments of biceps and triceps that looked as if they had been formed over many years of hard practiced swordsmanship.

My thoughts did not seem fazed by the overwhelming power he held as I worried they would. He was still the same kindhearted Shin-ah who would not harm a fly, let alone someone who did not deserve it. A gentle giant who did not use his strength of impose himself, but to protect what little he had. My heart fluttered; that little he had included me of all people.

I tenderly went about tending to his hair when he sat cross-legged in front of me, lightly messaging it the way he had done with mine after I doused it with some water. I took the dried soap and worked it to a foamy lather against his short locks, laughing as it formed strange white peaks all over his head. He did not budge once- not even at the sound of my childish laughter- and fiddled with the mask he had taken off recently to keep himself preoccupied. I could only smile in bliss as Yoon began to run his hands over my hair, filling the air between us with a faintly sweet smell that reminded me of a meadow of flowers in spring.

I gently lifted my arms to pour the water over Shin-ah's head, giggling as he jolted as the now lukewarm water cascaded over his shoulders and bare back. My body felt giddy with innocent glee, but I felt equally ashamed for letting myself become so animated over something as silly as washing his hair. My heart could barely contain the loving gratefulness it felt towards Shin-ah. I was far too blessed. These people had given me far too much. How could I ever repay them in the scant amount of time we had left together?

The group was quietly dispersing to tear away the partition of blankets and burlap to wrap themselves with before they sauntered back to the fire's warmth submersed in a lively conversation. I giggled as Ki-ja kept touching his head after Yona had washed his hair as she had promised, knowing that he must have known what I was feeling. My hands came to wind my dripping hair, and after one last squeeze to rid all the excess water I could pool, found myself searching for a blanket of my own.

A sudden warmth flooded my shoulders. I lift my hands to Shin-ah's fur pelt with a sheepish smile. He had been watching me again. I turned to give him a tender smile. He fidgeted with the blanket in his own hands as I huddled my face into the pelt's warmth. I knew he was far too kind to me; surely Yona could have used this furry mane more than I could have. But as he shivered, I had to suppress a giggle at the realization that he was actually the one who needed its warmth the most.

I shrugged the pelt from my shoulders and hold it back out to him. He shook his head in protest, but I held steadfast, knowing that it really wasn't right for me to keep it when he was visibly chilled. He gave up after a moment and traded the pelt for the slightly damp blanket he had been using a few moments ago. I took it with a flopping smile and tossed it over my shoulders when he returned the pelt to his head.

We all sat around the shrine's hearth after we had dried off to share some tea, laughing as one joke or another was passed from someone to another. Everyone seemed relaxed after our bath, and I was glad for the tranquil atmosphere. One day soon, perhaps even as soon as tomorrow night, we might very well be on our own paths again. I tried not to frown into my cup as the sadness rippled in aching waves over my chest. There was no way to truly prepare myself for that loss; I did not want to leave these people.

With full bellies and skin warmed by the fire, the group began to slip into blissful sleep. I smiled as they gave sleepy good nights to each other while yawning. The group found themselves deep asleep within only a few moments- even Hak, who I had always assumed would never get more than an hour of solid sleep at a time during his night watch, gave me an authoritative nod and closed his eyes. It seemed I was the one on watch for a short time. A smile formed at the thought of the group's safety being put into my hands.

I looked into the fire for a while, reminscing on the events of the day while running my hands through my fragrant hair. A smile tugged at my lips; it was strange how one short day could hold so many precious memories. I doubted I would forget the peace I had found today.

Everything was going to be alright. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not for many months, but it would get better. It already was. And while I feared that I would lose it all when I woke in the morning, I did not feel empty. This was more than enough. I did not dare ask for more.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for everyone who is currently reading this fic! I am thankful for each and every hit or comment it receives. Please enjoy the copious amount of fluff I have to offer. There is much, much more to come. Until later then!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special thank you as always to all of you reading this far in. I am very thankful for every hit this fic is receiving. As I mentioned vaguely in the first chapter's notes, I will be marking proper tags/warnings for the remainder of this fic from this point on. Please be sure to read the updated tags then, and I apologize to anyone who will not be able to read because of triggers.
> 
> Side note: Do not listen to "Jee Le Zaraa" by Talaash while reading this chapter. I was editing while listening to this beautiful song and remembered the fitting lyrics that killed my heart. I warned you. Don't do it.

The group left rested and in decent spirits upon their return to Awa in the morning, and I was glad to see them off in such good conditions. Shin-ah himself was in a much better mood from yesterday, and it seemed from his usual behavior that perhaps today would be everything I hoped it would be. This was more than likely our last day together, and while it twisted my heart with grief, I knew that I would not let the sadness get the best of me. The others would find their long-awaited comrade and be on their way again. It was what they had spent weeks of their energy and resources toiling towards; only a bitter fool would not feel grateful to see their journey be fruitful.

We sat and did the small string of chores Yoon had asked us to complete while they went back down to Awa with rekindled optimism. I felt light and carefree, so much so that when Shin-ah turned away to grab another dish to clean, I couldn't resist the childish urge to splash him with some soapy water from the vat between us. He watched me for a moment before returning the quip. Before long, the ground between us turned muddy from the impromptu water fight.

I laughed unrestrained at the time, so full of glee at the innocent interaction between us that I did not care to monitor my emotions. Shin-ah did not laugh, but the wobbling look of amusement that suddenly appeared then disappeared on his face signaled that my infectious joy was manifesting itself within him as well. He seemed so at peace here alone with me. I couldn't help but wonder if the connection I felt to him wasn't as one-sided as I originally thought it was.

With the dishes packed and the chores done neatly, I decided that it would be good for us to go out and do something away from the shrine for a little while. I tugged at Shin-ah's arm and jerked my head in the direction of the forest. “Let's go for a walk.”

Unlike like yesterday, he did not seem averse to leaving camp for a little while. He held onto Hak's heavy weapon and the larger of the packs while I took the other. We traversed through the forest in tranquil happiness and walked languidly in any direction we saw fit. The birds were loud in the branches above us, chirping and tilting in their wordless chorus as the sunlight seemed to amplify while we wove our way quietly in between bush and tree. I hummed a shorty ditty under my breath as I walked beside Shin-ah, who seemed to be drinking in everything around us with quiet reverie.

An unexpected meadow opened to the northwest as we walked on. Shin-ah took me by the hand and led me there. I was flushing as the man gently nudged me in between trees and over a low bush or two when he cleared the path for me, so moved by his attentive kindness that I felt like crying. The realization of our separation weighed like a burden on my chest, and I fell quietly behind him for a few moments as I attempted to rid myself of this aching feeling of sadness.

The feeling lifted when we stood in the meadow. My breath caught as I saw the multitude of flowers swaying gently in the open air. Who would have guessed that such a beautiful little patch would be growing here in the thick of the forest? The natural beauty rejuvenated my spirits, and I gently bent to sniff at the fragrant spring meadow at my feet.

We sat amongst the flowers, basking in the sunlight that filled the clearing with quiet joy. I was sitting in incandescent bliss while weaving meadow flowers in long braids like my mother had done with me when I was still very young. I remembered the way she would join the braided bands with an almost magical speed- up and over, then over and up again- and within moments, she would have a flower crown to place on my tiny head as I cooed in delight.

My own crown was not as beautiful as hers used to be, but as I stared at the finished product, I was happy that some part of her had been passed onto me as well. Losing her had been such a terrible blow, but I knew, deep down, that it was an answered prayer. If she was not there, the soldiers would not target and sully her any longer. She could return to her place in the heavens and be at peace that she did everything she could to love and sustain someone as unworthy as me.

Shin-ah moved his fingers against the woven flower crown, and I placed it in his hands so he could inspect my clumsy work as closely as he liked. He turned it gently, looking at where one flower was placed, then another, before looking at me. I cocked my head with a confused smile. Did he find it odd that I knew how to make a flower crown?

His hands lifted to place the crown gingerly on my head. If I had been blushing before, my whole face was burning now. He gave a small nod of agreement and moved to adjust the crown so it sat levelly against my scalp.

“It fits.” He offered softly. “The flowers go well with your eyes.”

The heat seeped into my ears. “R-really?” I carefully looked down at the soft blue and white flowers between us. My gray eyes were so ugly; a bland colorless mix that did not look much like anything beautiful. “Thank you. But,” I lifted the crown and placed it on top of his head. “I think it'd look much better on you.”

He lifted a hand to touch at the crown as it sat crooked against his mask and pelt. The man flushed gently when I gave him a beaming look. It sat better when he fidgeted with it, and his nervousness melted as we sat in an awkward silence. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure.” I giggled as he kept reaching up to touch the crown. “I think I'll make one for Yona. Do you think she'd like that?”

He nodded cautiously as not to unbalance the floral crown on his head, and I couldn't help but giggle at him again. I went around the meadow to grab a larger variety of flowers- small white asters, bluebeards, and light pink clover blossoms- and settled back beside him. We talked a little while I worked, having a quiet back and forth about what the others might bring back with them, and anything else that caught our fancy. I told him the story of the tropical fish that last night's dinner had reminded me of and ended up relaying how making flower crowns reminded me of my mother as well. Shin-ah never pressed about what had happened to her, and I was glad that he respected my silence as I respected his when I realized he had not once spoken of his life before this group.

I was almost done with Yona's flower crown when Shin-ah's demeanor abruptly changed. He had been sitting quietly right by my side so close that if I budged so much as an inch, our thighs would have touched. A thread of song had prompted me to hum again, but when I felt him suddenly shift beside me, the tune came to a sudden halt that magnified the silence of the now hushed forest around us.

“Shin-ah?” My voice was a frail whisper as I watched him half-crouch beside me. It was the stance of a wolf on the prowl, who was ready to slink off and strike at whatever crossed its path. The gentleness of his aura was gone; he was a full-on aggressor now. “What's wrong?”

He lifted his finger to his lips, and I shut mine with a small nod. His head was looking to the east of where we sat, so supernaturally still I wonder if he was seeing somewhere much farther than where we sat. He removed my flower crown from his head, and placed it on my own as he stood to his feet. He jerked his head off in the direction he had been watching just before, and I nodded my agreement. If someone was approaching us, the best thing to do was him to veer them off before they could bring harm to either of us.

I sat silently for a moment as he furtively worked his way out of the meadow. I tried to still my frantically beating heart with a few deep breaths, but nothing seemed to calm the frantic throbs that echoed like a drum in my ears. Who knew what Shin-ah had heard or seen that I had not. Whatever it was, he would deal with the crisis. He had promised Yona and the others he would keep me safe. I did not doubt that he would do just that.

It took several minutes, but I felt myself unwind as the anxiety of the situation faded. The forest still sat trapped in an uneasy hush, and I forced myself to fill the void with a soft song again. My hands began their work again on Yona's flower crown. With each weave and twist I gave to the multitude of flowers, I felt myself ease a little more. Shin-ah would be back soon. We would go back to the shrine in a short while and welcome the group back reassured that nothing had happened to them or to us in the span of time we had been separated.

A sudden whiz passed just by my ear, and I watched, frozen, as an arrow darted into the tree a few feet in front of me. I blinked, thinking I had seen wrong. But the arrow remained implanted in the heavy bark of the tree as a frightening reminder that something was now horribly out of place.

_Wh-_

There was a deep and guttural laugh from somewhere behind me. I could barely breathe as the sound registered. The anxiety surging into my veins rendered me paralyzed as a bevy of footsteps approached from my back. The unfamiliar heaviness of their approach sent chill waves of fear rippling over my skin. Shin-ah had not returned. These people were not here to help me.

“Almost got her.” Someone put in gruffly behind me, and I felt a hand come and tug at my hair. My face was jerked back to look at two very scruffy, unhappy men who seemed to think I was something less than human. “Guess this'll do, though.”

“Where's your group, wench?” The other one demanded while jabbing his boot into my back. The pain did not faze me; I could not feel anything. I could not do anything. All my body seemed capable of was succumbing to the terror their frightening presences brought. “Thought it must have been safe enough to leave you here with your packs, huh? Idiots.”

“Heard girls are fetching a good price down in Awa.” The other said as he tugged on my hair even more harshly than before. “Looks young and decent enough. Maybe we should take her along with us and make a good profit.”

The other laughed. “Too much work.” His humored look morphed as he looked down my body; the expression of those lustful soldiers all those months ago matched his perfectly. “We could just have some fun with her now before meeting up with the others.” He smirked as he moved to grip at my shoulder. “How about it, girl? You up for a little fun with some real men?”

A scream was bubbling in my throat, but it would not emerge. I could only watch as they chuckled at their good luck. My mind was blank. I couldn't think. I could barely breathe. All I wanted was to be far, far away from this place.

A sudden hum of metal behind us jolted me from the paralysis threatening to consume me. A loud scream quickly as followed as one of the man fell behind me. The other one holding my hair turned, screaming as well as he caught whatever had struck down his friend. His face was suddenly ashen from what little I could see of it, and when I blinked, a sword came down again and struck the man in the head with its hilt.

The second intruder fell to the ground beside me with a loud thump as the blow rendered him unconscious. I sat frozen in shock as Shin-ah's heaving form came into view after the man lay incapacitated. The swordsman's teeth were gritted together to the point that it appeared as if he were snarling; he looked an entirely different person as he stood over the two men who lay at his feet. He had not killed them, but gods, if I was reading his aura right, he would have if the situation had escalated.

In one moment, the gentle Shin-ah my heart soared for could have become a murderer right before my eyes.

He pushed himself around the men's bodies to kneel before me. He placed a hand on my face as he struggled to catch his breath, only to watch somberly as I jolted under the physical contact. It did not matter anymore if it was him or someone else touching me. I was somewhere very dark and far away from where we now sat. Even Shin-ah's warmth could not reach me when I drowned in these horrid feelings.

I watched as he looked to the forest beyond and moved forward to lift me up and over his shoulder. When he turned, I saw the two men bleeding in the meadow just beside my trampled flower crown. Yona's unfinished one was still clutched in my balled fists; I doubted I would ever complete it now.

Shin-ah took off quickly through the forest, whizzing between trees with a speed a man his size should not have been able to run with. I watched the scenery blur past us with sickening speed. I felt sick, hollow, and tired- oh, so very tired. I wished to close my eyes and wake up somewhere where men like that did not exist. Where someone as pitiful as me could be left alone to live in the shadows and never be seen.

_Why can't I just be invisible?_

The tears dripped down my face when Shin-ah came to an abrupt stop. The words I had pushed down deep within me were emerging now, and I was screaming incoherently as the pain overwhelmed me. Shin-ah hurried to put me down and watched in muted horror as I cupped my hands around my mouth to mute the noise. The screams kept coming. There was no stop to them for some time; he did not leave my side as my strength waned and my voice grew hoarse.

I lowered my hands slowly when the panic finally dwindled to only a small trickle in my veins. Shin-ah had squatted in front of me, and had placed his arms across his shins. I didn't notice it at first, but he was shaking.

My heart dropped.

Oh gods.

What had I done?

Why did this poor man have to constantly be put through for someone like me to be safe?

When he met my gaze, the man could not hold it for more than a fleeting second. His masked face turned so I could not see his expression. I knew what emotion it held without having to see it; he was ashamed that I had been put into that kind of situation. How could he have known that those two were that close to us? I had not even heard them until they fired that arrow at me. None of this was his fault. Gods, if he had not come at that time.. I shuddered in realization to what those men would have done.

Shin-ah stood to his feet and wiped at his robe with a few deft strokes of his hands. I could tell from the tautness of his arms that he was still quite upset; I doubted either of us would forget this whole ordeal anytime soon. My heart sank; like that, all of the wonderful memories the two of us had made seemed faded as this vibrant nightmare now ate at our minds.

“I have to get the packs.” His voice was strangely calm when the words finally came. “Stay.”

I knew better than to tell him not to go, even if my heart was screaming for him to. My hands lifted feebly into the air as the feeling of helplessness overrode my conscious, but I returned them back to my lap with a frown. This was not how a woman of seventeen should be acting. Nothing had happened to me; I shouldn't be coddled.

Shin-ah watched me closely for a minute before jogging off into the forest back towards the meadow. I pressed myself against the trunk of the tree he had settled me down beside and told myself to sit quietly until he returned. No one was coming to hurt me here; Shin-ah had scared off anyone who threatened to harm me with that power he capped within him.

But the whiz of that arrow- Oh gods. Had it really been so close to hitting me in the head?- cut through the silence, I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I retched all over the forest floor beside me, heaving and heaving until nothing but air was forced from my throat. This was madness; it felt like I was drowning in horrors that no longer existed.

I hated myself. Oh gods, I wished I could rid myself off the face of the planet in those moments. If I didn't live, no one would look at me that way again. I could be free. I could finally be free.

_And Chao-Xing? You'd let her wishes just die out like that?_

I gritted my teeth together as the guilt swarmed over my defeat. The answer was obviously no, but it was times like this when I really doubted my ability to see it through. What good was forcing myself to follow a stupid tale when I was in shambles? Nothing good could come from being this broken. Love could not mend me, as much as I prayed it would. I did not even know if this warrior even existed- if he would even care about the promise his predecessor had made all those many lifetimes ago.

The signs were telling me to just give in. It was over. Joining this group had just reassured me that I made more problems than I was worth. My stomach dropped as I realized how jarringly true that fact had been proven today. Poor Shin-ah. My chest twisted in pain as the vision of his shaking, huddle form lingered. He would never forgive himself for leaving me alone. It was all he had worried about yesterday; my reassuring words I once adamantly tried to reach him with were now hallow. He must think himself to really be that monster those horrible people conjured in his mind. He was not the monster. Those men who had tried to attack me were. But I doubted he would care to hear someone as weak as me say it. I doubted he would ever want anything to do with me now that I only reflected the darkness within him.

There was a sudden crunch of footsteps from where Shin-ah had retreated, and I braced myself for an incoming intrusion. He came to a halt nearby, heaving heavily as he barely balanced Hak's weapon and the two packs in his arms. The tension from before was replaced by anxious worry; he must have rushed back as fast as his legs could carry him to ensure that I would not be alone for too long.

He gazed at the unseemly mess I had made just beside me but did not make a face of disgust in response to the vomitous sight. The look on his face became suddenly withdrawn; his walls from the day before had returned with fervor. My eyes filled with tears; the man seemed to only know heartache in my presence. My presence did not soothe him the way his did mine; I was someone who harbored unpleasant feelings and forced them to display their power over the people who came into my life.

I thought he would ask me if I was alright, but he did not utter a single word. It must have been obvious that I was anything but fine. I doubted I would ever feel comfortable enough in my skin to feel that way, and it showed.

“Can..” He stopped to take a breath. “Can you stand?”

I nodded, but I doubted it. My limbs felt paralyzed. It would be a miracle to get myself up and keep myself standing for much more than a breath.

There wasn't much I could do, seeing as he was carrying all of our things and Hak's heavy weapon. I couldn't keep relying on him to support me every step of the way. I was a grown woman, even if my weary heart wished to return to a more innocent time. There was no way to reverse time; it marched forward, as would I.

I pushed myself to my feet, crunching on Yona's abandoned flower crown without so much as a second glance at it. My legs were shaking, wobbling with the loss of adrenaline the whole terrifying situation had brought along with it, but I held tight and follow behind Shin-ah as he slowly wove through the trees back to the shrine.

The happy atmosphere from this morning was now gone. After three weeks of traveling with him and the others, it suddenly felt like the two of us were strangers. No- that had to be wrong. We understood each other too much to allow ourselves to separate from one another. This situation only reminded us both with sickening clarity that we could do nothing to rid ourselves of the demons that plagued our lives.  
When we sauntered back into camp I no longer found the willpower to keep myself on my feet. I slowly stumbled and descended to my knees as the weakness hit me full-force. The shaking was back, though this time coupled with a sweeping tingling sensation I knew meant I was having another attack. I wanted to scream at my body to stop- to not give Shin-ah one more horrible memory to remember me by- but by then, it was too late.

The man dropped his hold on our group's items and hastened to my side as I slumped to the ground with a cry of pain. He was cautious not to touch me- probably in effect of my extreme unease with any physical contact he had attempted earlier- but gestured for me to try to keep myself slumped up while he ran for a pack. He laid the smaller pack filled with our blankets and tent materials beside me and helped me lean my head onto it as I reclined in the dirt.

The debilitating feeling was spreading rampantly up my torso and into my lungs. I began heaving shallow breaths, panting and wheezing as the terror laid hold of me once again. Shin-ah was doing all Yoon had told him to when my first attack with them happened, and I couldn't help but weep softly as he began snapping his fingers or clapping his hands together to keep me from heeding the terror's beckoning call. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was for making him live this hell with me- that would be leaving soon, and he could go back to the happy, introverted person he was.

But the words would not come as I laid helplessly on the ground, broken and beaten as I always was. There was nothing left to be salvaged as much as I wish there was. Because there was nothing there to begin with. This world had broken me and left me to die the moment I took my first breath.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still very much in awe to how many hits this work. Thank you to each and every one of you that is reading this story. I hope that you're still enjoying it this far in. A special thanks to everyone who has left a kudos or kind comment. My smile grows each time I see them. Please enjoy!
> 
> WARNING: Ming-Hua does have a flashback to an unpleasant memory towards the middle of this chapter. I have blocked it off and italicized it so that you can skip over it if you need to for any reason.

Sleep came for a brief amount of time after the attack knocked me out, and I sat in a dreamless daze as the silence of the woods left me groggily conscious of the physical world around me. I did not know if my eyesight had gone, nor did I care. My chest was heavy with such horrible guilt that I did not want to do anything but lay and pretend to sleep. I wondered if Shin-ah was close by- No. My chest constricted as the terrible visions passed over my mind. He probably wanted to put as much distance between us as possible. He must despise me now. He should hate me for bringing out every horrible thing inside of him he tried to keep under lock and key.

A gentle breeze passed over my body, but I did not feel it pass over my skin. The familiar warmth of the pelt shifted against my limbs, and its sudden presence made me want to frown. Any small reminder of the masked swordsman made me remember that horribly conflicted look on his face when he carried me away from the meadow. The anger I felt towards myself burned like a raging inferno beneath my skin. Shin-ah must be disgusted by the sight of me now. He must be glad to rid himself of having to babysit me when the others finally return with their beloved compatriot and their duties lead them onward without me to weigh them down.

A hand came to rest against my scalp and gently smoothed away a few tendrils of hair the breeze had sent tumbling across my cheek. I knew it had to be Shin-ah; none of the others dared touch me with such gentle affection. His hand continued to pull the hairs back, slowly and lightly, so cautious I understood he worried about waking me with his touch. I wanted to weep again. How could he continue to be so tender with me when he knew I did not deserve it? Why did he continue to treat me with nothing less than compassion at every turn and not hate the spineless coward I was?

I loved him. In these moments of quiet when he thought I could not feel his touch, I loved him even more. Chao-Xing's wishes did not matter in the slightest when I was with this man. Something about him, even when he remained so broken and haunted by whatever horrible hell that imprisoned his beautiful spirit before we met, stirred me to feel like I could be who I was and more. It would be alright with him beside me- that somehow, just existing here was enough. I had never felt this way before I had met him, and I doubted anyone else on the face of the earth could empower me when I wavered or support me when I crumbled the way that he did.

As he continued to run his fingers through my hair, I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking about. Did he worry about explaining the whole ordeal to the others? Was he afraid that when I awoke, I might never be the same? I hated making him live through any of those situations. None of this had been his fault. Every bad thing that happened to me was in accordance to my own actions. It was like I had told him before: I was going to be judged for doing nothing when the scenario unfolded. He had done his part and more to protect me. His actions deserved no punishment; Shin-ah was blameless in every action he bestowed upon me.

A soft melody drifted into the air between us, and I laid in stunned silence as his deep hums slowly pieced together the melody I had sung to him yesterday. Surely I was hearing this wrong. The man had been asleep when I had sung and stroked his head... hadn't he? My heart fluttered like a bird trying to frantically escape from its cage. He had heard me singing to him and had remained as he was, savoring it all. I wanted to bawl miserably at his tender serenade; never in this lifetime did I think this man would pay attention to such small details of our time together.

There was a thud of approaching footsteps as Shin-ah was nearing the end of the melody, and like that, the tranquil time was cast away. His lullaby dissipated into the air as the familiar sound of our group's voices filled the air. His hand lifted from my hair as he moved to walk to them, and I lay dejectedly as the comforting warmth of his presence quickly dwindled away.

The others must have returned with their ally. I felt my stomach fall like it had been dropped from the cliffs we resided on. There was no way he could possibly avoid telling them what had happened while I lay helplessly on the ground as I had during my previous attack. And what would this newcomer say? What possible sympathy could they harbor in telling the group they had done well in helping a pathetic woman like me for so long?

“Shin-ah.” Yona's voice was frail and tired. It seemed their day, like ours, had not been easy. “What's the matter? Why is..”

Her voice trailed off as she must have noticed me sprawled out of the ground looking like the dead. I wondered if they were all looking at Shin-ah with horror and anger; it was like that night in the forest all over again. I found myself praying that they would not blame him; surely they understood that he had no control over what my body did!

“Did she have another attack?” Yoon cut in with that no-nonsense tone of voice he used when Hak's teasing got out of hand. Shin-ah offered a hum of agreement but nothing more. He too seemed weary of how taxing the day had been. Yoon let out a long exhale. “Tell us everything while I get started on dinner.”

The group was settling around us now, though at a respectful distance from where I had been laid out. I wondered if I should wake and reassure the others nothing horrendous had happened to me. No; my stomach was churning. If I moved so much as an inch, I would be sick for the second time today or worse.

Someone was asked to gather wood- Hak's heavy footsteps registered in my ears as they receded to my right- and the clambering of someone digging through a sack- Yoon was most likely getting his things ready for dinner- cut into the heavily charged silence with an echo. I felt myself tensing. This was not a conversation I found myself wanting to overhear.

“Sit down, Shin-ah.” Yona's voice was coming from somewhere closer to where I was sprawled than before. She attempted to sound reassuring, but the girl's usual gentleness seemed forced. I could only sit and panic as her unusual behavior settled uncomfortably over me. What horrible event had happened down in the town? Had meeting up with their ally not gone as planned? “Start from the beginning. Don't feel afraid; we're here to help you, not judge you.”

He gave a gruff noise of acknowledgment. The guttural noise made it seem as though he wanted their judgment. “We were in a meadow northeast of here. There were flowers. She was weaving..” His voice suddenly hushed. He seemed to be reliving the moments all over again as he recounted them. “A flower crown for Yona.”

“Did someone find you?” The girl pressed gently when he paused.

“I saw them to our south.” He confessed slowly. “Two men with weapons talking loudly about making camp nearby. It was too close for us. I...” He stopped again. I wondered if he was making that same ashamed expression to the others now. “I left her alone. I went to scare them away. But..”

“But there were others, weren't there?” Yoon's voice was filled with soft anger. He seemed to pick up things far too quickly for a fifteen year old.

“Two other hunters.” Shin-ah's voice was ghastly soft. He sounded so pained. Gods, I hated myself. This was not his fault. It was mine, always and forever. Couldn't the group see that? Why have him continue to relive this horrible memory? “They were so quiet, I didn't sense them. Until..”

He stopped abruptly. It was like we were both hearing that arrow whiz by my head like it was happening all over again. My stomach lurched. Was that the noise that had shattered him as he suddenly realized I was no longer safe?

“Until what?” Ki-ja was gentle, much like Yona, though I could hear the unspoken terror in his own voice. He seemed to read Shin-ah's aura just as well as any of the others. Perhaps the reserved, polite man was far more intuitive than I gave him credit for.

“They fired an arrow at Ming-hua.” His voice broke when he spoke my name. My heart ached for him; I wished he would understand how badly I wanted to comfort him. “I ran. all the way back. They..” He made a strangled sound I never thought the reclusive man would make. It was a sound of angry disgust and resentment mixed together. “They were touching her. I took my sword and struck them down.”

The group was gravely silent as Hak's footsteps came to a sudden halt a few feet away. He must have heard this part of the tale as he returned. His crushing silence spoke of rage. Was he angry at me? Or Shin-ah?

“Did you kill them?” His voice was a tense hush that raised goosebumps on my skin; the fur pelt's warmth seemed a distant memory now.

“No.” The group seemed to sigh collectively at Shin-ah's confession. They must hate senseless killing as much as I did. “The others found them and went back south. We're safe. For now.”

“And Ming-hua?” Yoon pressed as the roar of a fire cut into the background. “Did they..”

“They didn't.” Shin-ah's voice was hollow. It was just as if they had in his mind I supposed. “Her eyes..” His voice was so soft, I could barely hear him as he continued. I wish I hadn't when he began to speak again. “Were so lifeless. Empty. She was just sitting there so pale and frozen. She didn't move until I carried her away.”

“Did she start seizing then?” Yoon seemed the only one able to speak at this time. The others were hushed in muted horror. “Was it like before? Or different?”

“She..” Shin-ah stopped to let out a heavy stream of air. He must not be used to talking for so long and about something sensitive on top of that. I willed him to stop; he had said more than enough. They knew he had done the right thing. Oh gods, why did no one hold this man close and tell him he had done well? “Started screaming and couldn't stop. She wouldn't let me get close. I went back to grab the packs. When I returned she had been sick. She looked worse than before. We walked back here. Her legs gave in and the attack began. I tried to help, but she passed out.”

No one spoke for several minutes. There was a soft set of sobbing followed quickly by a rush of hurried footsteps leaving away from the group. I heard Hak call after Yona, only to sigh and say he'd go after her. I wanted to cry myself as his footsteps also retreated; why did everyone have to feel so atrocious at something that had nothing to do with them? My intuition was right. It would have been better to never travel with this group.

“Don't worry about Yona.” Yoon put in after a sizzle broke through the tense silence. “She's a little..” He broke to give a harsh exhale. “Overwhelmed today. It was a wreck down in Awa. A little kid got killed right before our eyes when he tried to stand up against some soldiers in his parents' shop.”

“It was horrible.” Ki-ja agreed with the same solemnness. My heart lurched; these poor people saw so much darkness on their journey. Was no corner of this earth spared from the venomous fangs of violence and corruption?  “But it is not all bad news we've come with, I suppose. We did find Jae-ha.”

Yoon snorted. “Finding him and bringing him with us are two completely separate things. It's not going to be easy to persuade him, but we haven't given up. Seems like he wants us to come down and speak to whoever he's working for. They want us to help fight the merchant lord who's in charge of human trafficking in Awa.”

“But..” Shin-ah's voice trailed off softly. It was clear he wondered where I would fit in and perhaps himself as well. What did these people expect from our group? Was it the only way to retrieve their ally and get him to travel with them again? Or was this more of a blood-hungry manhunt to vent some steam after all they saw today?

“We'll worry about that when Hak and Yona return.” Yoon's motherly tone left no room for discussion. “I think a nice long chat is in order after all that's happened today.”

I felt my mind shutting down, and I was glad that sleep had finally come to snatch me away. I did not want to hear these people talk about what a nuisance I was, or what they had to do for the betterment of the group. I knew. I had always known they would have to leave me. By the morning, they would be off to do whatever it took to persuade their ally to rejoin them and battle this area's injustice. They would do me proud, and I would my best to swallow my pride and continue on in this disheartening world without them.

 

_The soldier was grunting above me. I told myself to close my eyes and wait in silence until he was done. My body was tightly-laced with pain, bruises, and the aftereffects of malnutrition. Every thrust he gave to my battered system was like another ripping lash against me. These soldiers thought it was a game- perhaps even a fair trade in some sense. They played, and we payed. Food had to come from somewhere. That somewhere unfortunately happened to be them._

_He was panting all sorts of lewd lies about me as his pounding movements quickened- saying that I craved him, that my body urged to be filled by someone powerful like him. The words fell like rain, washed away as my mother's voice filled the span of this horrible act within my mind. She was telling me a tale about a sea-creature who protected a maiden who had been sacrificed to the sea to save her village, and the beauty of his diligent watch that saved her from harm._

_I drifted on the waves she painted all those years ago and did not succumb to the pain the soldier inflicted as he gripped my wrists tighter above my head. I swam in another world, another time, until he shuddered in pleasure and the loathsome act was finally over._

_But as the darkness fell over our neglected cottage, and the soldier dropped a meager sack of rice and roots at my feet as he donned his uniform again, I knew that tale, like every other story she ever uttered, was a lie. No one protected someone else without expecting something in return. Everything came with a steep price nowadays; I wept as I looked down at a frail body that no longer belonged to me._

 

My heart was hammering when I awoke still trapped in my nightmares. The bile was quickly rising up my throat, and I dashed out of the shrine with a speed I had not known my weary legs could achieve. I did not make it far. The stinging vomit projected out of my mouth as I clutched at my twisting intestines just outside the abandoned structure. The screams were coming again as I felt my body relive that violation, but I bit down on my lips and did not allow them to shatter the sleepy atmosphere our camp was blanketed in.

I hated myself for being so weak and letting those soldiers do whatever they wanted to me. I hated Chao-Xing- hated her legacy from the bottom of my battered heart- and wished that her soul had never reincarnated into my broken body. I hated the golden eyed warrior and her love for him. I hated that he had never appeared before me, and I hated that I still believed he would ever come for someone like me.

The angry tears stung my eyes as I shook in absolute despair. I didn't know what I should do. I didn't know where I needed to go. All I knew was that I did not want to leave these people- that I could not envision a day where I did not see Shin-ah and grow closer to him. My heart bled as I realized he would never be bonded to me, nor I to him. There was nothing I could do but weep and be the weak-willed, pathetic coward that I always was when things got too difficult to deal with.

A pair of hands came to rest gently on my shoulders, and I jolted at the sudden contact. The hands quickly removed themselves and I heard Shin-ah give a small sound of apology while he shuffled back in the dirt behind me. I turned around quickly, only to see him kneeling in the dirt with his hands clenched into his robes. He must have not been asleep deep enough- maybe not asleep at all- when I had bounded out of the shrine.

I knew this was my chance to speak- no, my only chance to speak. When morning came and the others awoke, there would be no time for apologies. There would only be time for goodbyes.

Sadly, he beat me to it.

“Are you...” His voice was soft; I doubted he knew where to start. “Are you alright?”

I shrugged. “Does it look like it?”

He shook his head quickly but did not say anything for a moment. I watched as he curled his fists even tighter into his robe. The tightness with which he held them left his knuckles white from bloodlessness. “I'm sorry.”

The tears sprung to my eyes at his broken apology. “Don't apologize.” My voice was harsh with guilt. “Please, Shin-ah. I-”

“You could have gotten killed.” His voice was painfully quiet. His grief was as heavy as mine, it seemed. “I broke my promise to protect you. It's my fault.”

I sprung forward and threw myself into his chest. The man jumped at the contact but did not attempt to pull away as I started to sob. “No.. No it isn't. Stop blaming yourself. Just tell me I'm a coward and that I'm too weak to be anything but a burden to you all. It's my fault.. “ My voice cracked as the grief hit me. “It's always been my fault.”

He gave a soft sound of surprise. “Why?”

“I told you.” I wept. “I'm cursed! I didn't want to be born to carry this weight. I don't people to look at me! I never wanted to be treated like this! Why?” I pressed my streaming nose into his robe and sniffled loudly. “What did I ever do to deserve any of this? Is it because I was born poor? Because I'm a woman? I..” I screwed my eyes shut as the pained anger worked its course. “I was destined for so much more than this!”

Shin-ah let me weep bitterly without any interruption. I told myself to stop being weak around him, but gods, he seemed to be the only person who could seep beneath my walls and see the terrible mess inside without judgment. He did not know how to judge anyone other than himself; his heart was far too kind and simple to wish any person he cared for to suffer.

I pulled myself away to wipe at my swollen eyelids. The tears had not quelled yet, but I told myself I would most likely cry the rest of the night and most of the day tomorrow when I started on my own again. The emptiness was starting to carve out the happiness being with this group had brought; soon, I would be hollow and blown in any direction the wind wished to take me. Maybe later- in many, many moons- I would take up Chao-Xing's blasted wish again and resume my search.

“You'll have to forgive me.” I attempted to smile, but it did not wish to form. It was so hard; pretending like this didn't hurt made the pain worse than it already was. “For constantly being in everyone's way. For hurting you. I shouldn't have traveled with you all. I'll go my own way in the morning. It'll save everyone so much hardship in the days to come.”

He shook his head adamantly. “Too dangerous.”

“I'd rather be put into danger than any of you.” I dipped my head. “I've already put you in danger, and I hate myself for it. It's better this way for everyone.”

“Everyone wants you to stay.”

“Only because they feel obligated to say that.” I shrugged nonchalantly. “You all are too compassionate. It's wrong to squander your kindness when someone else deserves it.”

“You..” He broke to sigh. “You don't understand.”

I laughed lightly. “I think that I do. I've been traveling with you all for over three weeks.”

“We want you to be with us.” He was running his fingers through the dirt now and did not seem like he would speak soon.. I wondered if it was hard for him to talk on behalf of everyone. Was this what they had decided while I slept- that it was better to grit their teeth and take responsibility for me instead of turning me loose? “Yona will tell you more in the morning.”

I scoffed. “I might be gone by then, Shin-ah. You can't force me to stay if it isn't what I desire."

“You don't want to be with us?”

“Of course I want to be with everyone.” I hated myself for being so honest. It would have been so much easier to say I didn't; the gentle swordsman didn't seem the type of person to impose himself up if he knew he wasn't welcome. “But I shouldn't. There's nothing more I can do for you.” I dipped my head in shame. “There wasn't anything I could for you as it was.”

He did not contest what I said but gave a soft sigh before continuing. “Wait until morning.”

My lips twitched; for such a silent person, he really was stubborn. “You're really not going to let me leave without a fight, are you?”

“I don't want you to leave.” He was standing to his feet now and gave a descending yawn as he stretched in the dirt. “But.. if you do.. you should eat something first.”

“Fine.” I attempted to stand as well, but my legs were shaking so bad, I had to sink back into the dirt with a embarrassed blush. It would be hard to leave if I couldn't walk. My body still had not recuperated from the ordeal, and I began to dread that it would not by dawn.

He leaned over to offer me his hands, and I took them with some reluctance. Shin-ah did not gloat that I couldn't go through with my plan. He did not seem to be thinking about anything at all. I wondered why it even mattered to him if I stayed or left. Was it something akin to pity? Kindness, because we were friends? Or something else that I did not understand?

We sat beside the small hearth in the shrine, silent as the others slept contently all around us. Yoon had kindly left me a share of the evening meal in the worn clay pot he used to reserve ingredients needed for a later part of the meal, and Shin-ah warmed it by laying it on top of the fire's dwindling remains. He handed me a spoon and lifted the lid to allow the aromatic smell of the porridge full of sea-whelks and greens to waft into the air between us. My stomach gurgled when I suddenly remembered that I had gone almost a full day without eating.

The spoon was shaking violently in my hands as I attempted to lift a bite to my lips, and I had to rest my weary arm down in my lap as the food returned to the bowl. Tears sprang to my eyes; why did I always have to be left so weak after those attacks plagued me?

Shin-ah took the spoon from the bowl and lifted a small portion of the porridge to my lips. I sat in mortified shock; a grown woman should not have to be fed like an infant. No- I had to blush as the strangely intimate gesture left me sheepish. It was odd to have Shin-ah devote so much attention to me without feeling embarrassed. Still, I was famished and swallowed my pride to take a bite. He lifted spoonful after spoonful to my lips without so much as a noise of derision, so patient that I thought I might weep at the gentle concern he doted on me with.

We sat beside the hearth after he rekindled the fire with new logs, watching the glowing roar of heat light most of the abandoned shrine. Everyone seemed peacefully unaware that we were awake- even the usually on-guard Hak was resting comfortably in a corner near where Yoon and Yona were tucked in together- and their deep, blissful slumber created a comfortable silence that blanketed both Shin-ah and myself as night continued to fall all around us.

I told myself that Shin-ah would give into his weariness soon. The overly stressful and emotional day must be playing a toll on his body as it did mine. His mind needed to rest and ready itself for the next tasks the group must take on to reunite with their ally. But with a full belly, the warmth of a fresh fire, and the aching weariness of my limbs weighing me down, I soon realized I would be the one to give in first. I frowned. It seemed he had won for tonight. There was no way my body would find any reserve of strength to leave before the other's awoke.

The fire's warmth was surging over my skin in welcoming waves, and its soft crackles and pops created a white noise that lulled my mind to rest. I felt myself too weary to lay down and slumped over onto Shin-ah's shoulder as the exhaustion lacing every fiber of my being overrode my anxiety to leave. He did not make a sound of victory to know that he had been right and allowed me to fall into a blissful sleep as his warmth pooled with my own.

 


	10. Chapter 10

The dreamless sleep that held me captive disappeared with the sound of a deep, steady heartbeat thumping rhythmically in my ears. At first, I thought it was my own, but as I paused, the quickening beat of my own heart was not the one that echoed against my face as I lay smothered in a blissful heat I immediately realized was created by another human being. My eyes flew open as the gut-wrenching surprise set in, and I found myself staring into the material of a deep blue robe I knew all too well.

My face began to heat as I realized what had happened. Poor Shin-ah must have been worried to move me when I fell asleep on him and decided to stay as he was when the urge to sleep took hold of him as well. This man was far too kind- perhaps not. I almost laughed when I realized how stubborn I had been last night. He could have merely been trying to prevent me one last time from leaving before the group had a chance to speak to me in the morning.

“Ming-hua.” Yona sing-songed from behind me. She moved to smooth my hair beneath her hands as she knelt just beside where I lay in Shin-ah's embrace. Oh gods. My whole body was burning in humiliation. They would never let the two of us live this down. “Shin-ah. It's time to wake up now.”

I felt the man give a small groan before he pulled me closer to his body. A yelp of surprise left my mouth before I could hold it back, and that sharp sound was all it took to awaken him. His arms released their protective hold as he gave a drowsy inhale of air, and I took that small window of space to jump to my feet and dash out of the shrine.

I don't know why falling asleep wrapped in Shin-ah's arms bothered me so much. Yoon had fallen asleep on me before, and I had found his warmth comforting and gentle- like a sibling's. Shin-ah was not a sibling to me in my mind. He was a man, but yet, not the kind like Hak or Ki-ja that still frightened me if I thought about them for too long. His warmth was filling but in ways I did not know laying with someone else could produce.

I took a brisk walk around the shrine as I caught sight of the other three loitering around in front readying our morning needs, glad that no one made to stop me as I took off with haste. This desire I held for him needed to disappear now. I gritted my teeth as my heart screamed for it to remain. This was foolishness. We were going go on our own way soon and that would be that.

Shin-ah did not love me. The rippling disappointment flooding my veins reminded me of how true this notion was. I did not even think the man understood what desire was or if he was even capable of feeling it. Not everyone did, and I wished very fervently at this moment in time that I had been born one of those people.

The tumult of feelings took some time to quell, but when they did, I locked them deep within me and told them never to return. Only sadness and isolation awaited me. The time for love and desire had been scrapped when the soldiers used my body for their own well-being.

The group was already eating breakfast when I arrived. Each gave a withdrawn set of hellos as I settled nervously beside Yoon. I did not look at Shin-ah- even when I felt his gaze lingering on me as I took my share of the meal- and tried not to look directly at anyone else as well. The tension from yesterday's tragedy still had not passed. I doubted any of us would forget the horrible things we had seen.

“Feeling any better?” Yoon asked as he placed his hand on my forehead to check my temperature. “You seem a little warm. But I guess it might just be the aftereffects of sleeping with someone else and not on your own, huh?”

I scrunched my face in displeasure at his teasing. He was far too perceptive to let anything slide. Did he find my relationship to Shin-ah something of humor? Or did he actually enjoy the innocent camaraderie we had?

“We're glad that you're alright, Ming-hua, all joking aside.” Yona said quietly, and the grave atmosphere seemed to thicken. My hands gripped the bowl tighter. They were far too compassionate. “Shin-ah was kind enough to tell us what had happened. I'm sorry that none of us were there to help you; you should have never been put into that dreadful situation.”

I shook my head; none of this was their fault. Shin-ah had kept his promise, and did what he thought was right. I was the one who had sat there frozen and let those men do as they pleased. I was the only one they should be chiding, not apologizing to.

“He also told us this morning that you planned on leaving as soon as you awoke.” Hak cut in with a less than pleased intonation. “What part of that sounds like a smart thing to do?”

“As much as I hate to admit it, I concur with Hak's sentiment.” Ki-ja confessed. “It is much too dangerous for you to go anywhere alone. Even if you are a master huntress, there are things you need a group- need us- to sustain yourself with.”

“They both speak the truth.” Yona added adamantly. “When we took you in, we knew what it would take. Don't worry on our behalf. You are our friend and our ally. You will travel with us until we all agree another situation is safer and more beneficial for you.”

Yoon sighed and crossed his arms. “We're not going to force you to travel with us if that's not what you want. No one here is going to stop you, regardless of whether it's safe or not. It's your choice, and we have to respect that.”

I dipped my head. What did I really want? I knew that answer as well as I knew my own name. Leaving was not something I desired, but what fool decided to stay and make more trouble? The uncertainty was swarming like group of buzzing insects inside of my mind. There was no easy answer for this. Did I do what was best for myself? Or what was best for the others?

I selfishly gave in to my own needs when I found myself too weak in spirit to travel on my own. Even if it meant gaining one more smile- one more laugh with these people- I knew, deep in my heart, it was all I craved. I never wanted to leave- gods, who would be a fool enough to squander kindness when it came to them in this world?

My hands lowered my half-eaten breakfast to the ground so that I could gesture at myself, then the whole group. I kept my eyes downcast, so ashamed that I had chosen to bring them all more hardship, but quickly lifted them when a cheer broke from Yona's lips. The group was all smiling- even the usually serious Hak- and I couldn't help but return the gesture, though not as largely. It seemed I had made the right decision.

“Good.” Yoon ruffled my hair as he got up to clear everyone's empty dishes. “That was the only real option.”

I smiled into my porridge but did not feel its warmth. No it wasn't. I was just a selfish, pathetic excuse for a woman who needed to be taught that nothing in this world was permanent. These people would see it soon enough; I had seen it all along.

We took our things and made our way down around the cliffs, winding on the outskirts of Awa towards the sea. No one spoke much during our travels, and it seemed everyone had enough on their minds from yesterday's incidents on top of hoping to convince their ally to once again join them. I was skeptical and quite worried myself. Yoon had said that their friend was now working for a group fighting merchants. From the scant amount I knew of these people, they might as well be pirates or gruff men hoping to fight their way to the top.

My assumption about the pirates was proven true when we skirted down a pathway between two cliffs. The walk was steep and treacherous; one wrong step could send you tumbling down into someone else and have the whole group severely injured in a mere moment. Hak did his best to clear the path and keep the pace slow, but all of us had a foot slip at one time or another. Thankfully no one was injured or fell; whenever someone stumbled, someone else was there to brace their fall.

A lone ship was anchored in the isolated cove the path led to and looked as if it had seen better days. There were no flags nor any decorations upon it, save for the sun-stained sails that hung limply against the two worn masts. People were moving to and fro on the deck in a never-ending set of tasks until one gave a whistle of alert through the still air around us when our arrival was noticed. I felt myself tense behind Shin-ah as the men aboard stopped to watch us approach, and the feeling only grew when one jumped off the side of the ship and met us halfway.

“Your timing is impeccable.” He was talking directly to Hak when we came to a stop. The man had long emerald hair that was pulled into a simple ponytail at the nape of his neck. His clothing was decently extravagant with gold embroidery on both the collar and cuffs of his navy robe, but the look on his face was uncouth and playful- a dangerous mix I wanted nothing to do with. His eyes drifted over me, then up at Shin-ah before smirking. I tried not to shiver at the bemused look he now offered us. “Seems as though the blue one and his little plaything are here to join us as well. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“That's Shin-ah and Ming-hua to you.” Hak put in as the man continued to smile at us with that devilish charm I immediately hated. “And yes, we're all here like we promised you yesterday. Have you kept your end of the deal?”

The man pouted dramatically. “Of course I did!” The look eased as he swept over the group with a growing smile. “Come on aboard, all of you. Captain Gi-gan is waiting on the main deck to meet you.”

We were all escorted aboard as he stood on the ground gesturing for us to take the gangway up to the ship's deck. He was smiling at everyone as they passed, but he went out of his way to offer Yona a hand when she got up. She gave him a pleased sound of gratitude that sent Hak and Ki-ja immediately sulking, but the girl seemed genuinely warmed by his thoughtfulness. I knew it was all a facade on his part; no one smiled this much, even if they were happy to see someone. This man had a look about him that made me weary of him; even if the others trusted him, I was not so sure that I could.

Hence the reason I skirted away from him when he attempted to take my hand and lead me as he did Yona. He laughed as I clutched one of my hands into Shin-ah's robe, and he attempted to dip his face around the gentle swordsman to give me a wink. Shin-ah was having none of his nonsense and placed a hand on his shoulder to cautiously warn him to back off. The other man offered an airy chuckle as he read into the unspoken message, and he slowly lifted his hands in truce as he allowed us both onto the gangway.

The deck was abuzz with noise, and I found myself trying not to pinch my face in displeasure as I found my way to the back of our group. An older woman was standing on the deck, watching us all standing a few feet away from her and what I assumed to be her crew. The men behind her were dressed plainly and were gazing at us with such awed admiration I would have giggled at them if I had been in a better mood. They seemed to know not to say anything, though, and only smiled wider as the woman I now deduced to be Captain Gi-gan gave us a disapproving scowl.

“When Jae-ha said he had found some assistance for my crew, I was not expecting a mixed-match group of children to be joining us.” She spoke with obvious condescension, and I felt my irritation grow. How dare she insult our group! Little did she know that she would be lucky enough to have any of us join her own rag-tag group of pirates. “Outside of the three warriors, I doubt to see how the other three of you can be any help to our cause.”

Yoon pushed Hak aside as he tried to fend for us again. The teen wasn't one to let someone step all over him, or any of us for that matter, and I knew he would set this rough sea woman straight. “I can cook, mend laundry, and doctor any ailment your crew might come across.” He turned to scan the group and smiled when he caught me attempting to hide in Shin-ah's shadow. He gestured for me to come forward, and I did so reluctantly when I felt everyone's eyes now on me. “Ming-hua is my assistant. She can suture wounds and has steady hands to do any job well.”

I felt my gaze narrow. Something about what he was saying was false, and yet oddly true. How did he know I could suture a wound? My stomach dropped. Yoon must have seen my scar and tried to use it to our advantage. I could not find the strength to really be angry with him; he was doing his best to make sure this tight-laced captain did not shuck me off-board because she thought me useless.

“Well, girl?” Her eyes had turned to look at me, and I found myself trying not to flinch at the way her eyes seemed to burn beneath my own. Those brown eyes held a level of scrutiny I doubted anyone could feel comfortable under. “I'd like to hear the words from your own mouth.”

“She can't.” Yona put in softly. The girl's face was ashen when I turned to look at her. Perhaps she knew that we were fighting a losing battle now. “She's mute.”

The captain's eyes narrowed on the group. “Truly?”

“We wouldn't make something like that up.” Hak said gravelly as he gestured to me. “She's been traveling with us for almost a month and hasn't said a word. If that isn't mute, I'd be damned to see you tell us what it is.”

She was still staring dubiously at me. “I see.” Her gaze returned to Yona. It seemed she found the answer appeasing for the time being. “And what of you girl? Surely you are not another assistant to this boy here.”

Yona did not seem fazed by the woman's unwavering scrutiny. “I'm not.”

“Then what skills do you possess?” She prodded with some force. “What can you possibly offer to my crew that will be of benefit to us?”  
Hak and Ki-ja attempted to answer for her, but she gestured for them to remain silent. “I don't have any special skills.”

“No?” Captain Gi-gan did not seemed moved by the girl's honesty. “You cannot cook? Fight? To what purpose do you serve your group then?”

“I..” Her voice was quiet, but she lifted her shoulders and held the woman's gaze tight. “I do not know at this moment. But I am willing to show you that I will do whatever it takes to help you win this fight against Lord Kum-Ji.”

The older woman gave a sound of amusement in response to Yona's courage before twisting her lips into a smile. “Is that so? Then, I have a simple task for you that will gain you passage onto my ship for the time being: fetch me some Senjuso.”

“Senjuso?” Yona turned to look at her in confusion.

“It is a medicinal herb that grows in the area.” Captain Gi-gan informed us all. “The flowers are extremely potent when used correctly and have been of great benefit to my severely injured crew. It grows only in a few areas on the cliffs around here, so it is not easy to come by. The person I usually have gather them,” She gestured dismissively to a chubbier pirate behind her who had part of his face bandaged. “Is too injured to make the journey safely.”

“I'll do it.” Yona did not need any time to think. “I'll gather the Senjuso for your crew.”

Captain Gi-gan lifted her finger. “On one condition: you must go alone.”

The group was threatening to lash out against the seasoned sailor with every reason in their repertoire to not let Yona out of their sight, but the girl did not allow them a single word as she lifted a hand to silence them all. I was appalled at the very thought of having Yona subjected to this captain's whims. We did not know these people. Doing anything for them was as unwise as it was unsafe. If this gruff sea-captain did not find someone else in her crew to go and harvest this herb, wasn't it an obvious sign that something extremely dangerous or difficult entailed getting it?

Yona did not seem fazed. Her eyes were glowing with this light I could not put my finger on. It was steady and powerful, like the brilliance of the sun when it broke across the horizon at dawn. My chest ached at the sight of it; it was a sight I felt like I had seen before. Where? Where had I seen such unwavering power of spirit before?

“I understand.” Yona nodded her agreement before smiling. “This is something I have to do in accordance of my own strength.”

“Smart girl.” The captain turned to look over her shoulder and gestured the man who had greeted us outside the ship to step forward. “Jae-ha will escort you there now and make sure you do this without assistance. Understood?”

Yona squeezed a smile to the man. “I look forward to being under your care.”

It seemed Gi-gan wished for them to go now, and the two of them were sent off the boat to hurry themselves with completing the task. Hak and Ki-ja attempted to go after her, looking ashen and frustrated that the girl had been tricked into such a foolish plight, but the captain barred their path with a smirk of amusement. “As heartwarming as it is to see you all so smitten with that girl, you three are not out in the clear just yet. I'd like you to show me the depth of your strength.”

“Huh?” Hak was still watching Yona's retreating figure be led away by Jae-ha. He turned to give the captain a disapproving frown once the girl was far enough away. “Is that so?”

“My boys may be a little battered,” She gestured to the ten or fifteen men I realized were now gathering behind her with a bevy of weapons. She lifted her chin and gave the three warriors around me a playful smirk. “But you'll find they can keep up a decent fight.” She looked beckoned for Yoon and me with a swipe of her hand. “Come here. You two will watch from a safe distance.”

I did not want to leave Shin-ah's side, but I also did not want to be caught up in the crossfires of the fight. I wound my way around the group and stood quietly beside Captain Gi-gan as she led us up to the upper deck. Shin-ah and Hak were both unsheathing their weapon as the crew began closing in on all sides, and even Ki-ja, whose fighting style I had always been curious about, was quickly sliding the bandage from his hand to reveal-

Wait, what? I had to squint and do a double take.

No, I had seen right.

There were white scales all over his hand.

_A dragon_.

My heart seemed to flip at the odd surprise as Gi-gan whistled to gain everyone's attention. “All right. I'll give the mark to begin in a second. The rules are simple: whoever overthrows the other group without any serious injuries or deaths first wins. Am I clear?” She waited until our three men as well as fifteen agreed to the conditions. “Very well.” She smiled. “Begin!”

I could only watch in a dazed sort of awareness as all three men began cutting the numbers against them into nothingness. My eyes were on Ki-ja's now prominent hand, and I could feel myself getting faint. Dragons... A white dragon. It had to be a farce. Those tales... Chao-Xing... I wanted to laugh and vomit at the same time. Was it really true?

_If he was the white dragon, was..._

I shook my head. Impossible. Shin-ah was not the blue dragon warrior. There had to be some other explanation to why Ki-ja had an arm that seemed to grow as his power unleashed and covered in reptilian scales that seem to deflect any damage a normal human arm would take.

None came to mind as the three men of my group stood victorious with the whole crew of Gi-gan's ship sprawled out on the deck all around them. All three had done their share to ensure Gi-gan's requirements were met and had not seriously harmed any of her crew with their attacks. I wanted to smile, but with the Captain just beside me, I thought better of it and remained withdrawn in my own thoughts as she clapped.

“Well done.” She was moving down to the main deck now. Yoon and I followed soon behind, smiling our own congratulations to the men as we returned to their side. “I'm impressed three brutes like you actually know how to restrain yourselves. It'll do us well if you join us.”

“After the crazy stunt you're pulling with Yona,” Hak's expression wasn't kind in the slightest. “We'll have to see.”

“Don't trust your girl to be alright?” She cocked her head to give him a knowing smirk. It seemed even the callous woman saw through Hak as easily as we did. “If she has what it takes, she'll be fine.”

“And if not?”

She shrugged indifferently. “We'll see. Come along then; I'll lead you to the cape where she and Jae-ha are.”

We took a short break before leaving to let the men have some water and relax themselves after the impromptu battle. Yoon and I passed the water-skins around to Hak, Ki-ja, and Shin-ah, and even offered it to a few of the pirates as they asked for it. I shied away from any solider that try to speak more than a word of thanks to me and took my spot beside Yoon as he joked with Hak. I did not like any attention these people offered me; I was here for the sake of my group, not these pirates' enjoyment.

Captain Gi-gan was standing in front of Shin-ah and watched him with quiet speculation. He did not seem fazed by her unwavering scrutiny, but the man did jump to action when she attempted to remove his ivory mask off his face. She held tight and told him to stop squirming, but he clapped his hands over his face when she finally had the mask in her possession.

My heart was in my throat as she continued to prod him, and I reached my hand up to stop her. Her eyes flitted to me with curious disapproval, and I lowered my arm back to my side as she held my gaze for much longer than I was comfortable with. Shin-ah was a very introverted person and needed his personal space respected regardless of his temperament. What gave her the right to trample all over us the way she did?

The older woman led us back up the cliffs then down around the seaside for the better part of an hour. I looked out at the rolling waves crashing violently into the cliffs with a shudder, and hoped Yona was nowhere near them. While I respected Gi-gan for having the authority and respect of these men to lead them in an obviously worthwhile cause, I did not like the way she casually threw our concerns to the wind. She was nothing like Mama. She was nothing like me.

The cliffs grew steeper and more dangerous the higher we climbed, and my anxiety only magnified for Yona's well-being. It was far too dangerous for a man of decent stature with the winds that whipped against the cliff-side, let alone a petite little thing like her. I wondered if that Jae-ha was doing more than his share to keep her safe. I did not like the way he carried himself around women, but if he was a long sought after friend of these people, I supposed there must have something wholesome about him that made him worthy of a little of my trust.

We rounded the top of a vast grass covered clifftop, and I gasped as I saw Jaw-ha and Yona standing there quietly. My heart was prancing in anxiety as Yoon dashed forward to throw his arms around her, glad that while she looked battered, she was safe. Jae-ha had a small smile on his face, but the look in his eyes was stormy. It was clear something had happened, and I found myself infuriated with him for not keeping a closer eye on the girl who had solely been entrusted to his care.

Yona laughed when Yoon held her tightly and blubbered something into her ear, but her look evened as it met the captain's own shrewd expression. She gently nudged the boy to let go of her and took a few steps forward to show us all the small bounty of white flowers I had never seen before she collected in a small sack. I wanted to laugh. These frail little buds were something Gi-gan had the girl risk her life for? Was she mad?

“Seems you've completed your task in good time.” She spoke plainly, but her praise was genuine. I wasn't sure if she doubted Yona would do it, or if she worried that something had happened to be so tender with her. “It seems you can rely on yourself to get things done without your group to support you.”

Yona shook her head with a sad smile. “I'd be lying to you if I said I did it on my own.” She turned to squeeze an apologetic smile to Jae-ha who was watching her with a look of shocked disapproval. “There was a sudden wave that crashed up against the cove when I was going to get the Senjuso. Jae-ha had to save me. Without his help, I wouldn't have been able to acquire these. I don't deserve to be on your ship.”

I could see Hak's body tense at the thought of Yona being put into that level of danger. Even I was chilled. If Jae-ha hadn't have been there... I tried not to shudder as the vision of a helpless Yona being dropped into the angry mouth of the sea below us hit me. She would have been dead in an instant. The man hadn't merely helped her. He had saved her life.

Knowing the captain in front of me, however, I knew that help was help regardless of why or how it happened. My anger spiked again; if she dared say Yona was unworthy to join her crew after being subjected to that level of life-threatening fear all for a stupid plant, I would break my vow of silence and give her a nasty spew of judgment on the group's behalf.

The captain moved forward and placed her hands over Yona's own. She gave them a small squeeze. “You've done well. There is room enough for you on my ship. Welcome aboard.”

The girl's eyes filled with tears, and I found myself also on the verge of crying. Perhaps this steely woman had more of a heart within her callous body than I first imagined. Thank the gods she had enough sense to let Yona aboard, regardless of what she felt or why she felt it; none of us would have dared stay if Yona had not been allowed. We were a group; if one was not allowed, we did not venture on without them.

My chest lifted with sudden clarity as we ventured back to the ship. Ah. So that was the notion that kept these people tethered to me. If I was not allowed- a poor, helpless woman who should be barred from the world- then they too would forfeit their own paths to walk alongside of me? It was not judgment or pity that rendered them to help me but true amiability. We all treasured those connections that bonded us together.

Yoon and I were whisked aboard with Captain Gi-gan when we returned and were promptly told to wait in her study while she went to get us some things to help us with the few severely injured men she had resting in the alcove beyond where the ship was anchored. I did not like the thought of being closed in- anything with four small walls made me think of our cottage back home- but did my best not to look completely uncomfortable as she walked through an inner doorway and returned shortly afterward.

“Here.” She was holding two glass jars out to Yoon, and he took them with a small noise of thanks. “Here is some slave as well as the dried senjuso we already had.”

Yoon's eyes narrowed. “I thought you said you were empty.”

“After today, we would have been.” She nodded to the dwindling supply to credit what she was saying. “Go on then. Those men are in dire need of your help. If you plan on getting started with dinner as well, you need to hurry.” I turned to follow after Yoon, but she stopped me by placing her hand on my shoulder. “Wait a moment. I'd like to speak with you in private. I'm sure the young man can handle a few patients on his own.”

Yoon turned to see me visibly blanching at the thought of being alone with this women, but he thought the better of saying anything when he glanced over his shoulder. “Don't be too long with Ming-hua. She's my pair of steady hands, and knowing your rough and tumble crew, I'll need them sooner than later.”

Gi-gan gave him an amused snort. “We won't be long.”

Yoon gave me one last look before heading out of the door. My hands instinctively clenched into fists against my sides. What in the world did this woman want to talk to me about? Did she not like me? Or worse, did she not trust Yoon's words and want to throw me off her ship while the others were preoccupied? What business could she possibly have with me that required having her isolate me in this tiny hold?

“Do you drink tea?” She asked calmly as she removed her hand from my shoulder. I did not turn but managed a small nod. “Good. Sit down and I'll get some brewed.”

I waited until she left again to hurry to the small bench that lined the right side of the room away from the large table. Being in this room was making me queasy, and coupled that I was alone with this woman I really knew nothing about, I felt even worse. I wanted to run outside, find Shin-ah, and hide behind his back until this whole ordeal was over with. Then we would be back on our way- back to travel the world in search of whatever led this group- and I could relax again.

_Coward_.

I wanted to hit myself for those helpless thoughts. Using Shin-ah, or any of the group for that matter, as a barrier wasn't going to help me get anywhere. Relying on them was only going to make the process of leaving when I did find the blue dragon warrior even harder. My mind flashed to Ki-ja for a moment, but I shook my head violently as the thought of asking him for help hit me. He probably did not know about the other dragon brethren, or if he did, he probably did not care. His duties lay with this group, not some silly tale a thousand years old.

His abilities should give me hope, not make me worry. If the white dragon warrior had been reincarnated in this lifetime, then so had the blue dragon's other half. Ki-ja had been put in this group to make me realize my plight was not as foolish as I originally thought it would be. Chao-Xing's wishes were not futile, and that maybe one day soon, I would find myself gazing into the face of a man with golden eyes that so beckoned my soul to keep fighting.

A small smile had tugged itself on my lips, but as Gi-gan re-entered the room with a tea set, I found that frail happiness vanish like the steam wafting up from her fine porcelain teapot. She did not make a comment if she had seen my fleeting smile, nor did I think she cared. Some other matter laid on her heart, and I worried what it had to do with me.

“Do you take sugar with your tea?” She had not turned to look at me, nor did I think she would. My stomach dropped; she intended for me to speak up. “Well?”

A whirlwind of thoughts had me captured. She knew I was not mute. How? Had something I had done given it away? Was it too late to pretend? Was she going to tell the others? Was she trying to glean information out of me about the others to use against them if they decided their reasons for fighting no longer matched hers?

I kept my lips pressed tightly together. She was not going to get the upper hand by prodding someone like me. While I may have been the true weak link of the group, it did not mean that I had to crumble at any slight opposition that came my way.

She gave a small sigh and poured the tea without any sugar for either of us. “Fine. If you want to drag this out longer than either of us want, it's your own doing. I can wait as long as you feel the need to.”

She handed me a cup of steaming tea and settled herself on the other end of the wooden bench. I looked into my tea cup and scrunched my nose as I caught sight of my reflection. The ordeal from yesterday had left me pale and almost sickly in appearance. There were dark smudges under my ugly gray eyes, and my hair was flying out in small tendrils from the basic plait it was supposed to remain under. It was clear that I looked like I had seen better days; we all had.

I did not know what she wanted me to say or if it even mattered. If she knew she was right in assuming I could speak, why not just use that as leverage against the group to cause tension if things did not go her way? My group valued my presence, but I knew, deep down, if they found out I had been lying to them, I would lose their good favor forever.

“What..” The word was airy when it left from my mouth. I took a sip of my tea and attempted to clear the lump that seized my throat. “What do you want from me?”

“Nothing that would harm you or your group, I promise.” I grimaced at her intuition. She must have known my reluctance came from hurting my allies. “I just wanted to know why a girl of, what, seventeen? Was traveling with a group in search of the dragon warriors?”

I blinked. Was that the reason she thought melded our group together? “I'm just a sickly woman they stumbled upon in the forest.” I tried not to smile as the warm memories of everyone's kindness that first day drifted over me. “They would not let me travel alone.” My heart dropped as I thought about what Yoon had told her. Would she think them all liars for protecting someone like me? “I-I can do everything Yoon said. He was not lying. I have steady hands and suturing i-”

“I'm fairly aware that he was speaking the truth.” She put in quietly. There was a soft chink of her cup returning to its saucer before she continued. “People do not lie of suturing wounds nowadays. It just made me wonder what horrors you had seen to gain such a skill.”

I shrugged. “We've all seen horrors enough. This world is full of them wherever you look.”

“True.” Gi-gan concurred with some reluctance. “But you are young. You should not have been put through all of those things. Those others you travel with do not understand what you have been put through, but I believe I do.”

I turned to look at the woman in shock. Did she too escape a village that tried to oppress her into believing she was worth nothing? Had she survived the beating of soldiers or unkind men that made her weary of life? Looking at the weathered woman, I wasn't sure what to believe. Her strength of spirit made it clear that whatever had plagued her past was not something that limited her but empowered her.

“My daughters were about the same age as you when they were taken from me.” She looked into her cup with a weary expression. I could see the pain in her eyes, but there were no tears. I wondered how long ago that had happened. She must have suffered for a long time. “I regret my actions to this very day. I could have been stronger. I could have fought for them and kept them safe. That is why I do not wish any young woman to suffer at the hands of a man the way that they did.”

“I'm sure your daughters don't scorn you for what you did.” I looked into my own cup. Those gray eyes of mine are watery, but like Gi-gan, I would not cry. “My mother always said she would rather the soldiers put their hands on her than on me. I always told myself it was better to suffer for her if they had given me the chance.”

She gave a bitter laugh. “I rather them curse me to the grave. It's a mother's job to protect her children, not the other way around.”

“We all need to protect each other.” I offered quietly. “There's no need for anyone to be subjected to senseless pain if it can be avoided.”

“Exactly.” She sighed. “That is the very reason why I wish to protect you. And Yona. And all of the girls who are being abducted from this port to protect their families' welfare. They were tricked into this trade with hopes for work and decent pay to help support themselves and their families.”

“Everything comes at a price.” I whispered. My stomach dropped as I realized how well I knew that notion.

She gave a small sound of agreement. “Sometimes that price is too high for anyone to pay.”

Neither of us said anything for quite some time after that. The tea in my cup grew lukewarm then cold; I found I no longer had the strength to stomach another mouthful. I wonder if she knew how true that rang with me. Had her daughters been subjected to the same type of bodily horrors I had? I didn't doubt it- not in these times. My heart ached for her; perhaps this woman had more in common with me than I originally presumed.

“I hope your daughters found their peace in whatever form it came.” I could barely speak the words I knew neither of us wanted to say. It was hard; conversing about something so painful left me vulnerable in ways I did not like being reminded of. “I know I did when my mother found her way back to the heavens.”

She chuckled. “A swift death is nothing any mother wishes on her children. But yes, I suppose I hope they found that if it would end the misery I could not save them from. I only hope to save you from your own suffering, if the heavens will allow me to save another girl who is being entrusted to my care.”

“What's happened has happened.” I shrugged. “I would have rather it be me, then Yona, or any girl. It's the price I paid to live. If I had nothing to live for, I would not have subjected myself to it.”

“And what is it that you live for?”

“A foolish wish.” I stood to my feet as a bitter scoff left my lips. It was true. I returned my cup to the table and gave Gi-gan a respectful nod of my head. “Thank you for wanting to speak with me. I really should go help Yoon now.”

She held my gaze and offered a small smile. “Do what you must. We are grateful for the help you and your group bring in any form it comes.”

I wanted to tell her that I was the least likely to do anything helpful for her group, but held back my self-deprecating words and only nodded. Letting her see the utter disgust that filled my veins would do nothing but hinder whatever it was that drove her. I was the one she should have barred from her group, after all. Nothing compelled me in this world save for a foolish wish. Without it, I was a hollow shell. Soon or later- I dreaded at the notion of how quickly things could unravel- this woman would see beneath my defenses and call me out for the useless liar I was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm truly overwhelmed at the amount of kind comments and feedback this fic is getting. You all are too kind. Thank you for your continued support. It lifts my spirit every time I see how many hits/comments/kudos this story receives. I know there were not many interactions with Shin-ah in this chapter, but I promise there will be many, many more to come. Stay tuned!


	11. Chapter 11

I wove my way down from the study to the main deck and over to the alcove at a brisk pace. The cove was alive with movement and noise, but the energetic upkeep did not settle well against my darkened thoughts. Hak and Shin-ah were talking to a few of the men from before that they had fought a practice match against, but I did not give either so much as a nod of acknowledgment as I sped off. Everyone seemed to be doing their own thing in their own strength. I was the only one holding back.

Yoon was busy tending to the injured pirates when I entered the sheltered alcove but waved me over when he noticed me standing idly by a few moments later. He had me hold an arm or cushion a head as he went about apply salves, compresses, and new bandages, and I did as he asked in a withdrawn sort of silence. He knew my talk with the captain didn't settle well on my conscious, but he did not venture once on the topic as we went about treating the six heavily wounded men.

A few of the more conscious ones praised me for my beauty or winked a joking thanks as I did my work, and I offered what I hoped was a reassuring smile for their good spirits. My hands did jolt when someone attempted to touch them in thanks, but I told myself any work I did merely kept my place with the others and under Gi-gan's watchful eye. I still did not find myself completely trusting her- who would after only a half a day in her presence?- but from our private talk a few hours before, I knew she meant well for me even more so than she did the rest of our group.

I was not someone who liked to be coddled by strangers, but I told myself it was simply the way the old woman viewed girl's my age after the tragic ordeal she had gone through as a young mother. I doubted my own mother would have done the same if their roles had been erased. She would have wept for my life and become a hollow shell when she could not cope with the loss- the exact same thing I had done when she had been taken from me.

Yoon was ushered away by two of the men from the ship to ready dinner with whatever supplies they had for the new group we had added ourselves into, and I was left to tend to the two remaining men on my own accord with the supplies we had. My mind was blank as I realized I would be left alone with so many unfamiliar men without the comfort and protection of anyone from my group. What if one tried to harm me? Would they even think of such a thing, with so much hanging in the balance between their group and ours?  The boy seemed to think it safe enough and kindly offered what each man would need before he hurried off to get started on his next task. While I was glad for some direction to complete the tasks before me, it also frightened me to be left to my own devices.

Other pirates were beginning to crowd the alcove as I worked in a nervous manner. They all sat quietly after they inquired about some aid to their own cuts or bruises when I was done with their more wounded comrades. I found my mind growing weary as I whisked myself from one bandaged man to the next but found my unfounded worries dwindling as the men gave me plenty of space and did not dare try to impose themselves on me in any manner that was uncouth or even vaguely playful. Most of the less injured men were just as kind, if not more so than their more wounded brethren, and flushed in embarrassed thanks as I gestured for them to show me what wounds ailed them. Some laughed at my quiet, to-do with nature, and I found myself smiling as well as they showed time and time again that they were as soft on the inside as their captain was.

Ki-ja appeared at the entry way of the alcove when I was gathering what little supplies I had left after caring to the bevy of injured pirates. His blue eyes were sparkling in pride as he watched me come to a steady halt in my work bandaging my last patient. “Ming-Hua, I've come to gather you for dinner.”

I squeezed a thankful smile out towards him. Ki-ja was a kind soul; not once had he been anything short of respectful and patient with me, even if he did lose his patience when Hak was involved in any sort of manner. Many of the more injured pirates were resting from the compresses and medicinal drafts Yoon had given them, and I felt comfortable leaving them to rest on their own in search of some sustenance. 

The white-haired man kept his pace slow and steady as I walked beside him. He did not offer much else but a gentle smile as I darted my gaze to him back to the ground before me when he noticed my curious looks. My mind was spinning. Was it rude to inquire about his hand? Or would he feel comfortable admitting what I thought was too good to be true?

I must have been staring at his appendage for much longer than I thought I had been, because he lifted it with a knowing smile. “Ah, yes. You must be wondering about my arm after you saw us in battle. I am the most recent carrier of the White Dragon's blood.” His smile grew as he saw my incandescent reaction. So I had been right!“You know the tale of King Hiriyuu and the four dragon-warriors?”

I nodded exuberantly and mimed myself listening before going to sleep.

“I see.” He seemed warmed by the sentiment. “Did your family pass the tale to you?”

My smile faded just a fraction. The tale had been continued in bits and pieces from my mother over the years when I was older, but I could remember the hazy figure of the golden-haired traveler who allowed me to call him my brother softly sharing the tale as we fell asleep together. He had come by the village every few years, more often when I was a child, and would tell stories or entertain the villagers with a game or two in exchange for some food and somewhere to rest his head. He had been young- perhaps no more than fourteen or fifteen- but was so mature in spirit that I doubted it could have been true. He helped Mama when my father was taken away and played with me during the day when he was not busy tending to one need or another the village had. He was scarce when the soldiers came, but miraculously showed up on days when they were called away every few months. I wonder if he feared them the way we did, but I never got the chance to ask. He always left as suddenly as he appeared until one day, he stopped appearing all together.

“Pardon me for asking such a personal question.” He apologized with sincerity. The look on my face must have been somber enough to make him feel an apology was necessary. “I did not wish to bring back your melancholy memories for want of my own gain. It is just that it's odd for people outside of our villages to know of us. Still, I am glad you know of our tale and believe in our cause.”

I waved my hands in front of me to reassure Ki-ja that he had done nothing to make me upset in the slightest. Little did he know that knowing the tale was not merely a spun story of old made my heart fill with such renewed energies that it felt like I not been alive before. His presence reassured me that my quest, after all, had not been meaningless.

Yoon was busy handing out servings of what smelled like another fantastic seafood porridge, and he offered both Ki-ja and myself a smirk as we got our rations of the meal. “Are you doing alright?” I gave him a reassuring grin that he immediately returned. “Good. I had a feeling that you'd be just fine without me. These men seem to know not to push where they're not welcome.”

I nodded. It was the truth. This crew seemed to know boundaries a normal person would have and respected even the heaviest ones I put up without so much as a question as to why. I wondered how Gi-gan had come across these tender-hearted pirates; what could possibly join them together for such a cause?

We joined the rest of our group as they settled beside alongside the ship in a make-shift camp site. Jae-ha was present among the group and raise his hand in greeting as Ki-ja and I settled into the spots they left vacant for us. I was glad to be sitting between Yona and Shin-ah, who both blocked my view of the smiling man I still did not find myself comfortable with.

“You look exhausted.” Hak put in without much pretense as I began to eat. I raised my eyebrow dubiously in response as I met his gaze. The man only smirked larger. “I heard all the pirates came to see you once Yoon went to get dinner ready.”

Jae-ha laughed, and I found myself trying not to frown at the teasing tone it held. “Trust me when I say that your girls are probably the best thing that's happened to the crew for quite some time. It's not everyday that we get one beautiful women to join our ranks, let alone two.”

I couldn't hold back my frown. The more this man tried to woo us with his words, the more I disliked him. Flirtatious men were the worst. I did not swoon and fall for pretty words. Words were empty and hollow when they were thrown carelessly the way Jae-ha did.

“We're happy to help in any way that we can.” Yona turned her head to look at me with a beaming smile. “Isn't that right, Ming-hua?”

I offered her a fleeting smile that morphed back into a frown when I looked into my bowl. These people were asking too much of us. How did they intend to repay us for our help? Was letting Jae-ha join us the bulk of it? Or were they going to aid us with more?

I doubted these people had anything of real worth to offer us. Whatever reason they were fighting this disgusting excuse for a ruler for had nothing to do with our group. We could not right all the wrongs in this world, as much as I'm sure each of us desired. I worried that helping them would put us all in more danger than we needed at this point in our journey.

“And I know that we are glad for any and all the help you offer.” Jae-ha had moved to smirk at Shin-ah now. “Though I'm positive the Blue Dragon here would be glad not to have his woman put her hands all over another man's body.”

That was all it took to disgust me to my core.

I dropped my not even halfway eaten meal to the ground with a clatter and snarled viciously at the now wide-eyed pirate before tromping off down the path that led away from the cove. How dare he! My cheeks were burning in humiliation at him implying that I was Shin-ah's woman or that we were involved with each other like that. He did not know me. He knew nothing about me or Shin-ah in the slightest that called for that level of ridicule.

But he hadn't called Shin-ah by his name, had he? I paused, mulling over his cheeky words with a gasp of shock. That was right. He called him..

_The Blue Dragon._

My stomach churned, and I had to press my hands to my lips to keep myself from getting violently sick. No. it must be a joke for the color of Shin-ah's hair and the way he seemed to glide through the air when he used his sword. He was nothing like Ki-ja. Yes, there was something uncanny about him, and yes, I could not say that even in all his sheltered introversion that he was a normal man, but still, I knew that there could be nothing to tether him to the fate of the Blue Dragon warrior. 

Or more importantly- and the most honest of all, if I had to lay my heart bare- I would not allow him to be the man Chao-Xing was looking for. If I made myself believe that he truly was her lover's reincarnation, and it turned out he was not, I doubted my heart would ever heal from the leap of faith I would take. I cared far too much for him to let it be squandered on a childish dream I was still doubting could be reality. The more I traveled, the more I began to believe it to merely be a tale spun by my mother and traveling brother figure to keep the chill of the icy world from sinking into my veins.

I paused on the path and took a deep breath. This stupid feeling did not want to pass without ripping me apart from the inside out. The others would laugh if they ever heard me believe in such a thing. They would tell me I was a fool and that I needed to look towards the future in a more sensible fashion. Myths and legends... what kind of person would ever actually believe such a thing?

A crunch of footsteps behind me halted me from mulling any further. I turned to see Shin-ah stop on the path behind me trying to catch his breath with a few small huffs. It seemed he had sped off after me. I wondered if he had come of his own accord, or if someone in the group had sent him to fetch me. My heart sank; after all this time, I still did not understand his motives when it came to me.

“Jae-ha knows to leave you alone.” Shin-ah spoke quietly. I wondered if the man's teasing had even irked him. The gentle swordsman did not seem fazed by much, save for the scarce times he needed to jump into action. He probably didn't care. His duty to me was clearly one of friendship, not of love. “He was out of line.”

I frowned. Of course he was. That man did not seem to care about any boundaries any of us held- especially not mine, it seemed. If he did not respect me, I did not have the strength in my battered heart to respect him. Even if he was the long awaited ally of the people who cared for me so wonderfully, there was nothing keeping me to treating him with anything but reserved civility when the occasion called for it.

Shin-ah jerked his thumb back in the direction of the cove, and I begrudgingly nodded my agreement. I knew our time together was pretty much at an end now that we had joined with the pirates. My time would be spent mostly with Yoon and this rag-tag crew of injured pirates. I wondered if it even saddened the man to not have me quietly following behind him. For a moment, I wished he was more outspoken with me. 

_I wish he would tell me if he was the Blue Dragon or not._

That wish was as impossible as Chao-Xing's. It was not something anyone could just bring up in a normal conversation, nor did it seem something he would boast about as it was. Shin-ah preferred to keep as much to himself as he could. His walls were as dense and impenetrable as they got, and with good reason. If Yona had said he had been neglected and left in isolation before he met them, his trust in other people was probably as wavering as mine, if not more prominent.

Despite my own overactive wariness, I knew that I trusted him with my whole heart. He had proven his trustworthiness time and time again, and I doubted he would ever do anything to squander it. The man cared for what little he had; he cared for me in the ways he understood how to.

Shin-ah sat with me while I finished my dinner and did not say anything as the others began to quietly disperse for the evening. Yoon was sitting and talking to some of the men I had helped treat while he was away, and the boy offered a smirk when he caught me peeping at his conversation with them. I looked away when the men turned to see what had caught his attention and did my best to eat slowly to keep myself preoccupied until they no longer found me of interest.

There wasn't much of a pause for our group as the pirates did their share to help us with the multitude of dishes that came from feeding twenty or so people. We were called aboard again for another meeting with Gi-gan, and I hated to question what in the world she wanted from us now. I was glad to know she was, in some ways, more of a kindred spirit to me than any of my group had been, but I still did not like the dangerous element she thrust upon us all to seek her own form of judgment for Awa's kidnapped women.

“It seems we're all here.” She noted as Shin-ah and I made our way to stand with our group again. Her eyes drifted over all of us, and she gave a small frown. “As much as I hate to say it, I suppose now is as good a time as any to begin formulating our plan as to how best fight Kum-Ji.”

Yoon gave a small nod. “The quicker the better. It seems he's been targeting these girls for a few weeks now. From the one girl we've met who managed to avoid the whole ordeal, they've been luring in pretty girls around Yona and Ming-hua's age with promises of work with decent pay.”

“And in a town scrapped dry by that monster's taxation,” Gi-gan added dryly. “I doubt most of them could turn down that opportunity with the well-being of their families hanging in the balance.”

Shin-ah made a small noise of alert as he tensed slowly beside me. I looked at him in slight panic. Had he caught sight of something while we were talking? Gi-gan seemed to understand his uncanny powers as easily as the rest of us and gestured for him to speak.

“There are ships,” He spoke quietly. He seemed to be surveying the scene even now. “Leaving a cove and headed this way.”

“How many can you see?” Gi-gan pressed him calmly. “And when will they be here?”

“Seven.” He nodded to himself to make sure he had seen right. “And I don't know.”

The group was hushed; it seemed our plans needed to be formed now and be ready for action at a moment's notice. My fear was growing; those poor girls. What in the world could we do to save them without harming ourselves?

“He plans to put up a fight.” Gi-gan scowled as she realized how disadvantageous the inclusion of that many ships was to forming a successful tactic on our part. “I can't say that I was not presuming that he would, but that many ships puts us at a greater setback than before.”

“We need more information, then.” Yoon offered. “The best way to undermine him is to know his plans as well as he does. If we could know when he was leaving, it would give us a rough estimate about when he would be trading in the girls. Without that piece of the puzzle, forming any plan would be too dangerous and would undoubtedly hurt our cause.”

“Jae-ha,” Gi-gan turned over her shoulder to look at the now expressionless man behind her. “You think you could scrounge up that information tomorrow?”

The man offered a playful smirk. “Anything for you, Captain.”

She did not seem fazed by his flirtatious retort. “Good.” Her shrewd gaze returned to us. “Rest well tonight, and we'll see if tomorrow will bring us anymore luck.”

We all gave soft noises of agreement and began filing down the walkway to the alcove. She stopped me with a extension of her arm to give me a silent look of concern. I wondered if she saw how much this whole ordeal bothered me; out of everyone here, I was the one who understand the true horror of what would happen to these women if we were unsuccessful. My lips lifted in a tiny smile to reassure her that I would survive whatever part I was meant to play in this plan they would soon be formulating. She lifted her hand to pat my head with motherly affection; it seemed the captain had understood my silent message. I let a small coo of surprise leave my lips at her tender farewell to me and none of the others before hurrying down the gangway so no one would see the tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

Yoon, Yona, and I shared the tent we had set up while the others laid just outside around a small fire with our packs as the only real source of comfort against the rocky surface we were settled on. Everyone seemed to have more than enough on their mind about the whirl of events the day had produced. I doubted anyone was in the mood for our usually light banter before sleep.

I made myself comfortable in the corner beside Yoon, staring at the canvas material fluttering slightly from my breath as I tried to process my own thoughts. The events circled incessantly in my mind, and I feared the worries accumulated over so short a time would not settle anytime soon. Today had been dangerous enough for Yona; I did not want any of us to be subjected to that level of harm ever again. Knowing the captain, everyone but myself would probably be forced into more and more dangerous work as the imposing battle we all knew was coming became set in stone. I did not want Gi-gan's sympathy, though I did feel myself wishing to protect her the way she evidently was hoping to protect us all. She meant well, and if she chose to protect these girls when no one else would, I knew her heart had always been in the right place, even when I doubted she even had one this morning.

Despite the anxiety meeting Gi-gan and her crew brought, my mind remained solely fixated on the fact that Ki-ja was the most recent White Dragon warrior. I could not stop thinking about the tale that echoed in my veins, and the flood of excitement that came as I hoped I was one step closer to seeing it come to fruition. The hope quickly dried as the dread set in; nothing would come about if we did not survive this ordeal fighting for these women. Their well-being went far and beyond the urgency of having some silly tale a thousand years overdue come to final fruition. For now, my selfish wishes would have to wait to be answered by the heavens on a later date. The selfless desires to protect those who could not do so themselves must be put into effect first.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet again, I am overwhelmed by all the feedback I get on this fic. Thank you, each and every one of you, for bringing a smile to my face with every hit, comment, and kudo. I really am excited about this newest arc, and the developments yet to come. I hope you enjoyed. Until next time!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still in awe and shock to know that this story has broken over 1,000 hits within the last week. Thank you to each and every one of you. It's humbling to see one added hit on your work, let alone so many. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> WARNING: There is a few mature-level moments in this section's plot. Just be warned that they're scattered throughout, but I don't think they're explicit enough or too indecent to outweigh the ambiance of the moment this chapter conveys.

The next three days were a blur of activities. I was whisked from one part of the cove to another, gathering herbs to use for meals or for the still wounded pirates, tending to the still injured men, or helping heat water for meals, tea, or laundry. My mind seemed to be moving as fast as my legs were; I did not have time to think of much save for what I was doing at that very moment.

My time, like I had assumed, was spent mostly with Yoon as he needed my assistance throughout the day. I was his constant shadow during meals, in the alcove lifting or curing our patients, and making sure he kept himself fed and hydrated in return for his own attentiveness towards me. The two of us had the most cumbersome task out of everyone, but we each did our best not to complain about how weary we were in both mind and body when evening fell. We both were usually the first to retire together in the safety of our tent, as well as the first to rise to get started on the lengthy list of tasks appointed to our care. I was too exhausted to do much but sleep, eat, and work; everything else seemed to blur into a muddle of worries for the impending heist as the days wore on.

Jae-ha miraculously returned with news at the end of the first day: Kum-Ji was planning on heading out of Awa with the girls in tow on the evening of the third day following this one. It was more time than I originally thought we had, but it still added a heavy burden to Captain Gi-Gan and the others as they went about readying the crew for an attack against seven heavily armed merchant ships as well as planning a good enough strategy for infiltrating the operation.

Yoon came to a chilling conclusion when he had some time to mull over Jae-ha's information. Two of us would infiltrate Kum-Ji's ranks by becoming a pair of hostages he would take aboard with him. My stomach sank as I realized he must undoubtedly mean Yona and myself, but I did not move to contest anyone as they attempted to defend us against this obviously dangerous plan. I told myself to sit quietly and let them understand that Yoon's plan was by far the most effective, even if it called for its fair share of danger.

This group had more than enough to sustain me, and it was time I began returning the favor in whatever manner the heavens demanded of me. I found myself trying to mirror the attitudes of these wonderful people who had taken the once hollow shell I had been and transformed me into a peacefully optimistic creature who had found her heart again. Be a force to be reckoned with like Hak. Be steady and level-headed like Yoon. Be kind like Yona. Be quick to forgive like Ki-ja. Be collected like Shin-ah.

I gathered all of these attributes within myself and prayed that this group's obvious influence on my mindset would be evident to anyone who doubted my preparations for the fight ahead. My smile was steadfast as the time continued to tick by. The fragile, flighty woman I had once been would not take foothold now. Even if the pit of my stomach continued to be hollowed as each and every possibility of defeat bit away at the collection of powerful mantras I kept within me, I would not give in with so much on the line.

Gi-gan called me to her private sitting room again for tea the afternoon before the plan was set to take action. My hands shook as they took the teacup from her; I knew there was no point in concealing to her how this plan still scared me witless. There were so many things I could do wrong. I could bring harm Yona or any of the other girls if I could not function under the scrutiny of those disgusting men.

“I've come to tell you that there's been a new consensus in regards to the plan tomorrow.” I nodded for her to continue as she came to sit just beside me. She sighed, and took her time giving me the world-shattering truth. “Yoon will now be taking your place in the raid tomorrow. He will be accompanying Yona in the heist.”

The teacup dropped from my hands and tumbled to the floor at my feet with a few wobbling thuds. The hot tea was seeping over my sandals and exposed toes, but I did not feel it. The wind was whirring in my ears; surely I had heard wrong.

I hadn't.

“H-he can't!” I turned to give her a look of horror as her words registered. “For the sake of the heavens, he's a boy! How can this be a rational consensus everyone reached on such short notice?”

“They know It's better this way.” She bent to pick up my teacup and placed it on the bench between us. Her look was quiet;y withdrawn; I doubted she liked putting any of us in danger. The crew had sung her praises day in and day out since we had been here. We all knew by now that it was not just idle flattery; the woman was a stern but kindhearted mother figure to everyone in her domain. “We do not know what ship the girls will be brought on, so there will need to be some sort of signal to let Shin-ah know which ship we need to hurry to for the women's protection. Yoon is the only one who has a great enough knowledge of explosives to make setting a flare or firework possible in that situation. He is pretty enough as it is; with a little help from some make-up and a wig, he will fit in as well as any woman could.”

I grimaced. “That's not the whole truth, is it?”

She sighed at length before speaking. “Do you want me to tell you then?”

“Of course I do.” My eyes fell on her with a heavy look of reprimand. “This isn't something you can expect me to sit by and swallow with such unfathomable reasoning. If that had been the case, why hadn't Yoon spoken up the first day the plan was formed? Why hadn't anyone spoken up on his behalf as a suitable option when Yona and I were expected to fill these roles?”

“Because,” She groaned as her tea cup was deposited to her lap. “Because they did not wish to hurt your feelings. I was informed, quite clearly, of your ailment and what triggers it when I was pulled aside to speak with them in private. There is no doubt in my mind, or theirs, that putting you in that situation would trigger some sort of attack. We cannot have you rendered helpless- not for your own well-being, nor anyone else's.”

My nostrils flared. I was humiliated, angry, and hurt. Why, at the last minute, had they cowardly reached this agreement when I had braced myself for my part in the heist after all these days- after I showed them time and time again how changed I had become since the group had first stumbled upon me? Was I really that useless? “My group finds me a completely helpless pawn in this plan then. Am I hearing you correctly?”

“They do not wish to put you in harm's way.” She responded gently. “Nor do I. You have been through what those girls will not have to if this plan proceeds as it should. It is time you stop paying for what happened to you and allow someone else to seek justice on your behalf.”

“I am not a pathetic woman who wants your sympathy!” I snapped as I sprung to my feet. My fists were curled into tight balls as the humiliation and bitter rejection took their course. One wrong word out of her and I would be blinded by my own anger to care for her cause. “You said you do not want anyone who is a hindrance on your crew! I do not want to put anyone else in danger! This is my fight, as it is yours! I fight for my friends, for my mother, and for myself! Do not tell me I cannot.” My eyes filled with defeated tears as the self-loathing mixed with my rage. “I am sick of everyone coddling me and assuming that I do not have a mind of my own, nor strength on my own to see myself succeed! I spent the last four months of my life, blast it, traveling on my own- beaten, dirty, and exhausted from forcing what could have been a child from my soiled body! I do not need anyone to take my place for me! I've earned it in the hell I've survived!”

I paused to mull over my thoughts only after the string of rage-induced rants burst from my mouth.

My heart stopped.

Oh gods.

I had said far too much.

Gi-gan looked at me in muted horror, but by then, I knew I could not stay and wait for her response to my unholy confession. My feet carried me down the ship, out around the gathering groups waiting for another meal from Yoon, and up the path leading back up the cliff. I did not stop where I would have in a panicked daze and kept climbing, wheezing and running much like I had the day Shin-ah had first found me.

My legs gave out near the top of the path, and I stumbled into the rocks and dirt with some force. I felt my arms scrape against the rough terrain, but the pain in my heart was so heavy I doubted even someone slicing me with a knife would faze me. Heavy tears fell over my cheeks and blurred my vision as I screamed my despair to the sky above me. The only answer that came was the lazy call of seagulls somewhere in the distance.

I vowed I would never speak of the horrible mess that had emerged from my body before I joined the others. The knowledge that I had been carrying the spawn of one of those monsters made my skin crawl even to this day. I had never spoken of it to anyone before- not even to Shin-ah that one night when I had wailed my woeful tale into the air. It was something that anchored a heavy weight on my chest; I knew it encompassed the darkest of all of my feelings. It was the lowest moment I had ever lived through; with that one sudden change of fate, my whole world seemed to be turned upside and ripped apart of any hope for a better future. 

I was glad I had not eaten recently and dry-heaved on the ground beside me as those nightmarish moments lingered on my conscious. I was shaking terribly, so cold and frightened that I wished to curl myself into a tiny ball and never emerge from its safety. My screams echoed so loudly in my ears that I could no longer tell if I was screaming in the safety of my thoughts or into the charged air around me.

A sudden warmth fluttered over my shoulders, and I sat dejectedly as the color lavender filled my downcast eyes. A gentle hand came to rest on my shoulders, and I turned to look lifelessly over my shoulder at Gi-gan. Her eyes were filled with tears as she took my defeated features in, and she slowly slid her arms around me to hold me in a motherly embrace. I felt myself hiccup at the soft hold she cradled me with, and I sobbed into her shoulder as she rubbed my back much like Mama did when I had had a terrible nightmare.

“This,” Her voice was strangled with emotion when it finally broke through the silence. “This is why I cannot subject you to that level of horror again. Let the others taste the despair you have known. Let them see the hell you have clawed your way out of. Your body is battered and weary of destruction. I want you to heal. We all want you to heal, dear one.”

“But...” My own voice was barely there. I was hoarse from screaming so long; I bet the whole camp had heard me shrieking like a madwoman. “What will I do? Where will I go?”

“Those idiots,” She laughed in between her tears. “In the alcove will need someone to watch them. While I am glad four out of the six will be able to help us, you three must stay back and pray for us while we venture on. We will come back to you with victory, and I will squeeze you in my arms like I am now and tell you that I am proud of you.”

I pressed my nose into her robe. “Really?”

She scoffed. “Would I ever lie to you?”

“No.” A glimmer of a smile emerged on my lips. “I suppose not.”

We pulled away so that Gi-gan could wipe the tears from my eyes. She offered a small smile, but I knew either of us were anywhere close to happy at the moment. Our pain was something we found ourselves trying to instill peace in this world because of; I doubted Gi-gan had found hers yet, even after so many years of fighting, and I doubted that I would ever find my own.

She adjusted her shawl over my shoulders before tucking a strand of wayward hair behind one of my ears. “You look like you've been caught in heavy gust, my dear. Why don't we go back to my ship and tidy you up a little bit?”

I frowned. “Please don't make me talk to any of the others.”

“You will talk to them when you feel ready to do so.” She gave a dismissive wave. “I think they understood that you would not take the news well. Take as much time as you need. Those five will be there for you when you feel strong enough to return to their side.”

We walked back to the ship in a comfortable silence, knowing that it was better to keep our thoughts to ourselves the closer we got to the others. I wondered if they had seen me dash off, and had thought the better of coming after me. A panicked Shin-ah waiting at the foot of the path drifted across my mind, but its sudden appearance did not make me smile. He had better things to do than constantly be up in arms about my well-being. The crew was looking to him and Hak for better weapon training; here, he was respected and held a clear purpose in the battle to come.

_Unlike me._

My face was pinched as we re-entered the alcove. Yoon, Yona, Hak, Ki-ja, and Shin-ah were standing in tense silence as the captain and I wove our way back up to the ship. I told myself not to look at them for very long and found my stomach clenching when I saw Shin-ah following my every movement with obvious panic. I frowned and lowered my gaze to the ground ahead of me as Gi-gan bluntly asked for her also worried crew to give us space.

She led me into a different room in the ship just beyond her study. From the sole bed and small furnishings, I took to be her own personal quarters within the spacious wooden vessel. I was sat on the bed as she began to dig in a set sturdy chests etched with a variety of wildflowers, taking in the sparsely decorated room all around me with a tiny smile. The woman didn't really seem to care much for her own physical comfort. She gave far more than she received.

“Here.” I looked up to see her extending a small bundle of clothing out to me. “You can sit in my chamber as long as you like. I have to have one last meeting with the crew and your group for tomorrow, but it'll be down in the main galley where all those fools will have room to sit and listen. No one will bother you if you want to change and walk around close by. I'd personally recommend taking a nice, long bath by a little waterfall about three hundred paces northwest of here.”

I did not say anything. The news that I was still not doing anything to help tomorrow's plan still left me in the pit of humiliation. Everyone else would know by then that poor Yoon was taking my place, and that I was a huge coward who could not use what little strength she had to even the odds. My group had coddled me enough. I did not want any sympathy from any of these hardworking men just because of my past.

“While you are here alone,” She stopped at the doorway but did not turn to look at me. “There is one thing I would like you to think about. Once this battle is over, I would like for you to stay here in Awa with me.”

I could barely hold back a sound of disbelief. What? She wanted me to stay here? With her?

“I'm sure that it is not what you expected, nor what you may want.” The older woman already seemed to know me better than I knew myself. “But, I think it will be a fair exchange for your group taking Jae-ha away once he gets off his high-horse and realizes his place has always been with them.”

I frowned. “Are you saying that my place is not with them?”

“As to that, I could not say.” She waved dismissively back at me. “You have something you are looking for, and one day, it will send you on your way again. I only hope that I could have you here for a brief time until then.”

I let out a scoff. “I doubt I'll ever find him.”

“Who?”

I pressed my lips together. She would think me a fool. No, perhaps a heavy dose of reality was exactly what I needed today. Being told I was useless and a moron would be the perfect combination to commemorate this terrible afternoon.

“The Blue Dragon Warrior.” My frown grew as she swiveled to look at me in shock. “It's a foolhardy wish, isn't it?”

Her eyes grew wide, and she shook her head in disagreement. “Do you really not know?”

I raised a dubious eyebrow at the woman. “Know what?”

“That masked man you've been traveling with,” She gave a laugh of disbelief. The despair on my face magnified. Not her too. “Shin-ah, is it? He is most assuredly the Blue Dragon Warrior, my dear.”

I wanted to groan at the woman's innocent plight. She had to have taken Jae-ha's jokes a little too seriously. The man did not know what he was talking about.

“You don't believe me?” I shook my head. Of course not! What sort of fool did she believe me to be? She snorted at my silent answer. “Unbelievable. He is standing right before you, child. I do not lie. Jae-ha is the Green Dragon's most recent incarnation, and he knows his brethren better than you or I could.”

Was that why the others had always called him the Green Dragon on our travels up to Awa?

My mind was in a whir. I could not allow myself to believe it was true. It was too simple. All along, he had been right here beside me?

I sat in conflict about what to do until the sun set over the window of the room. I could see the water changing from deep blue to tinted orange to a murky, almost purplish black hue that came when the night sky began stretching across the heavens, and by then, I was sick of tormenting myself with all of these doubts, fears, and leaping hopes. Enough was enough. Asking Shin-ah once and for all if he was or was not indeed the blue dragon was the best way to rid myself of these blossoming feelings and cut my stupid desires into nothingness.

While it crushed my heart to think the tender feelings I had been allowing to bloom inside my chest might be torn asunder with a simple movement of his head, I knew it was time enough to let them go. Gi-gan was right: regardless of where my path took me in the future, right now I needed something steady and permanent in my life to let me think through everything that had happened in the last year and find my center again. Chao-Xing would have to wait. Right now, Ming-hua was the one who needed to have her own needs met.

I sauntered out of the captain's private chambers and down to the grounds below. Everyone was moving to and fro, lifting boxes or setting up a various site for cleaning weapons on the cliff-side just below. My group was also there, helping do their own share as they worked alongside the pirates, but all five paused to watch me as I skirted around the clusters of people without so much as a smile or second glance in their direction. I hated to act so shallow over something I came to realize was in everyone's best interest, but right now, there was only one thing plaguing my thoughts.

Shin-ah was nodding at a small contingency of men practicing their sword-wielding techniques out near the small path Gi-gan said led to the waterfall, but the man came to a stop when he saw me hesitating at the back of the group. I thought I had chosen the wrong time to distract him, but when his attention remained unwavering on me, I knew it didn't matter to him. I lifted the parcel of clothes in my hands and pointed in the direction of the path behind him, and he immediately nodded his agreement.

The men training with him seemed to notice the unspoken conversation we were having and paused their training to split a smile between us. A few were telling Shin-ah to hurry up and let me have some time alone with him before the night grew any deeper, and he merely nodded again before gesturing for me to come along. I flushed as some of the men gave a good-natured whistle or comment for us to behave ourselves as I hastened to his side; the last thing either of us would be doing was having that sort of entertainment.

I told myself not to think too hard about asking him my simple inquiry- for the gods' sake, it was a single question he would not have to think hard to answer either way- but it was all that merited my attention as we ambled side by side down the path that cut in between the crumbling edge of what I assumed to be a massive cliff. A strange sense of jittery anxiety trembled in my veins; I wished I had the strength to blurt out the question and have it done with.

The words would not come, and by that point, we had reached the waterfall. There was a small tree and a few rocks just before it; Shin-ah settled himself there with his back facing the deluge of water without me having to prompt him. I knew that he meant to respect my privacy, so I took his guard-like posture as a sign to sauntered away quietly. I began to undress myself from my dingy, stained robes a good few yards away before plopping myself into the pool of water just beneath the waterfall.

The water was surprisingly cooler than I expected, and I yelped as my body began to submerge under its liquid embrace. Shin-ah's head jerked towards me as he snapped into attention at the noise, but he hastily swiveled his head back when he saw me trying to dive beneath the surface of the water to hide my naked body from his gaze. My cheeks were burning; I was far too nervous to be alone with him now.

I told myself this was all foolishness as I scrubbed the days' worth of dirt and grime from my pores. We had been left in each other's company for two whole days, and I had been nothing short of eternally grateful for the beautiful moments we had shared without the others. Now, in this place where danger lurked in every corner, I found myself alone and almost isolated from him. I wanted to go back to those scant memories we had made dappled in sunlight and laced with innocence. But this was no time for childish thinking or living in a dream world any more. I had to face reality. We both did.

“Gi-gan's told me a lot today.” I offered almost coldly as I began to scrub at my tangled locks. It was not wise to start this conversation off on such an accusatory tone, so I sighed and continued on with a little more kindness. “I know that Yoon is going to take my place tomorrow. It hurt to know the magnitude of my uselessness, but as I understand now, having him take my place is probably for the best.”

He did not speak a word. I'm sure he knew apologizing to me was meaningless now; there was nothing to be sorry for. They did what was in the best interest of the group fighting as well as the girls they were fighting for. In some sense, they were fighting for me as well.

“She also told me something interesting.” I turned my back and took a deep sigh to steady myself. The roar of the waterfall crashing down into the pool gave me something to focus on as I continued. “She said that Yona was attempting to collect the dragon warriors for some reason. Is that true?”

There was pause before he gave a sound of acknowledgment. My heart was twisting; it was not sure whether to leap in elation or writhe in agony at the news.

“So Ki-ja really is the White Dragon Warrior.” My voice was breathless with amazement. “And Jae-ha the green, and you...”

The words dried up before I could spit the four words that had given me so much joy and yet so much sorrow in my lifetime.

I couldn't bring myself to say it.

I couldn't bring myself to bear the news either way.

Shin-ah's voice was solemn when he spoke. “The Blue Dragon Warrior.”

It was not a question, but a confession.

Those four simple words echoed infinitely in my mind.

He was the one I had been looking for all along.

My hands lifted to my lips as I choked on the tears of relief and awe. My chest was aching; oh gods. This-

I took a step forward in the water's hold as the lightheaded excitement spread, but realized I had made a fatal mistake one moment too late. The bottom of the pool here was much deeper as the waterfall continued to corrode its depths, and I gave a scream of terror as the undertow yanked me deep beneath the water's surface.

I was suffocating from the water as it trapped me in its powerful embrace, flailing as it rendered me helpless under its deepening hold. The air was being replaced by mouthfuls of water as I found myself unable to breathe with the surge battering down from every direction. The terror rose.

No!

I couldn't die here!

Not now!

Not when-

A sudden tug in the opposite direction tore me from the water's powerful undertow, and I was coughing up mouthfuls of water as I found myself miraculously slumped outside of the pool. My arms were shaking as the sudden realization of me dying passed over my senses, and I felt listless as the tragic turn this evening could have taken racked my body.

I looked over to see Shin-ah watching me with panic, but when he realized I was alright, I felt his gaze change slightly. I looked down, only to realize I was still completely naked. I shrieked in mortification while attempting to cover myself to be somewhat modest. He flailed for a moment as the noise sent him snapping out of whatever faze he had been held captive by and fumbled to remove his dripping fur-lined robe for me to use as covering.

I snatched it from his hands with a little more force than necessary and threw it on me to keep myself looking half-way decent. The man was not looking at me; he did not even allow himself a flickering glance in my direction. His face was a deep flush of red beneath the mask he still wore. I was in awe at how mortified his response had been. Was this the first time he had seen a woman's body up close?

I wanted to laugh bitterly. No one would ever consider what fleeting remnants I had a body. I scowled at the puckered wound between my breasts that his dripping robe could not hide as it sat sagging against my wet frame. This stupid mark would bear my shame forever. It would be the symbol as to why I could not admit to him that I was the beloved woman his soul all those centuries ago had bonded himself to.

I felt his hand come to rest against the top of my scar, so gentle and so timid I wondered what had stirred him to look at it. It must have been my own gaze; the man seemed to follow my eyes wherever they landed. I did not push his fingers away as they rested on the ridge of sutured skin from all those many years ago and moved to slowly trace my hand against his own before I lowered it back to my lap.

“A soldier did this to me when I attempted to stand up for my mother when I was nine.” Gods, had it really been almost a decade ago now? In my minds, it often felt like all those sickening memories congealed into one horrid blob not so far from the present. “He thought it would be funny to maim a little girl who didn't want her mother to be subjected to the horrors he brought with him.”

“Monster.” Shin-ah's voice was a hiss of anger, and it's fervor made me shiver. That same aura of when he had found me cornered with two hunters in the meadow; it echoed of a deadly intent ready to destroy anyone who dared harm me in one fatal swoop.

I attempted to laugh off his seriousness. “What's happened has happened.” My hands twisted nervously in my hair when I lifted them to scrunch the water out of my dripping locks. “I can't really say that I am glad it went the way that it did, but..” I found myself so full of wonder that the man beside me was the one that my soul had always searched for; my lips lifted. My heart was soaring on wings of moonlight right now to the heavens in thanks. “It led me to all of you. It is all I prayed for for such a long time.” My voice was only a thread when the emotions choked me. “So very, very long.”

His fingers pressed with a little more force as they remained on my scar, but soften as they slowly slid down the length of the scar down in between my breasts. They began to fan out as they reached the ugly, marred end just at the bottom of my left breast, and were now searching for something other than the scar to trace.

I shuddered in pleasure as they grazed my nipple, but the feeling was short lived as he quickly retracted his hand and turned himself away from me. I knew what we were doing was in some part shameful, but gods, the feeling of having him touch my body with such tender curiosity made me feel alive inside. He was the only one I would allow to ever do this to me. He was the only one who reached my body, mind, and soul in ways no one else could.

He got to his feet and moved away to bring me my clothes. I watched as he dropped them at my feet, dripping as he was from his own sudden plunge into the pool and walked away back to his spot on the rock from before. I did not feel angry or hurt that he chose to give me space; it meant he respected me far more than he trusted himself with his own feelings.

Did he feel anything grand towards me? It was the only question that haunted me now that I knew he was the man I had spent months searching for. While it was heartwarming to know he did not disdain me, I knew only a giddy idiot would assume that he had any feelings for me that spanned into the territories of love or desire. Shin-ah was not a red-blooded man in the same way perhaps the other men in our group were; his past, like mine, offered more limitations than it did clarity in times like this.

I told myself to be happy regardless of what the man thought of me as I dressed in Gi-gan's borrowed attire. He was kind to me, and attentive- oh gods so much more attentive than someone like me deserved. Even if nothing ever happened, I think, in some way, Chao-Xing was at peace with knowing I had at least found him. She had seen him again after thousands of years. She traveled with him, laughed with him, confided in him, and known his gentle embraces. Perhaps they had not been done in amorous love as her prayer asked, but he had been drawn to me for a short amount of time I knew could never be replaced.

The robe Gi-gan gifted to me fit a little loosely, but sat decently against my frame in a nice shade of blue. The cuffs were adorned with white, swirling patterns lined with gray, matching the pattern along the collar. This fresh outfit was a beautiful gift I never thought in my lifetime would be bestowed onto me.

I wrapped her shawl back around my shoulders and lifted my damp hair over it to let it dry, and packed my dingy robes in a tight ball under my arm as I sauntered back to Shin-ah. He was sitting very quietly- almost a little too quietly for my liking- with his dripping pelt in his hands, and did not turn until I tapped him on the shoulder. His head jerked back to look at me before flushing; I could only smile in amusement to see him so flustered so long after the ordeal.

We sauntered back to camp with a little more haste than usual, knowing that the shorter Shin-ah was in his soaked outfit, the better it was. I hummed a fleeting melody to myself as I walked along just beside him, smiling all the while like the complete simpleton I was. He was mine, in some sense. The soul that slept in his body was truly connected to my soul. 

My cheeks flushed. It was everything I dreamed it would be, and more.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again with another chapter! Thank you as always to everyone who is reading this. Please enjoy!
> 
> P.S. The Erhu is such a beautiful instrument. I listened to a bunch of melodies while editing and were all breathtaking. I particularly liked "East Chinese Lullaby" (look it up on Youtube if you want something mood-setting for the second half of the chapter. It's stunning!)

The tender feeling of knowing Shin-ah's true identity was short lived as we arrived back at our own camp sight. I realized quite suddenly that I still had not spoken to any of the group gathered there about their new consensus for tomorrow's heist, and the hollow anxiety of having to have that talk pressed the joyful exhilaration into a far corner of my mind for the time being. This talk was one that had been coming for a long time. It was one I had told myself to be prepared for since this group first took me in.

“By the heavens, Shin-ah!” Ki-ja was sputtering as he noticed the man beside me was still sopping wet. “What in the world happened to you?”

Shin-ah turned to look at me for a moment- the man was probably trying to think of an excuse that wouldn't give away what had really happened- before shrugging. “Ming-hua pushed me into the water.”

I looked at the man in horror and gave a sound of adamant disagreement. The others watched him jolt under my reprimand before bursting out into a fit of laughter so loud it echoed in the spacious cove all around us. I couldn't help but smile; perhaps everything was not as dire as I thought it would be.

“Regardless of what happened,” Yoon turned to share a smirk with Hak; whatever it was the two of them were grinning about, I knew it wasn't decent. “You need to get out of those wet clothes. Go undress in the tent while I see if the crew has any extra clothing for you to wear for the night.”

Shin-ah gave a brief nod and sauntered inside of the tent before closing the entry flap behind him. I watched Yoon hurry off a moment afterwards with dread- was he bolting because he felt ashamed of what he had to admit to Gi-gan to take my place in the heist tomorrow?- before realizing I now had the attention of Hak, Ki-ja, and Yona as the four of us awkwardly remained together in his absence. I tried not to frown as they all diverted their eyes elsewhere; this was not a situation any of us wanted to be in.

I settled down beside the edge of the fire Yoon had left roaring nearest to the tent, knowing that any proximity to Shin-ah was all I desired in these tense moments. The realization of him being the Blue Dragon Warrior made me cling to him even more strongly than before. This sense of other-worldly peace I knew must have been Chao-Xing's spirit coming to contentment after so many years of fervid searching. I could overcome anything that came my way now. Even if this talk was one I did not want to live through, knowing he was there, listening and supporting me in his own way, gave me the perseverance to see it through.

“If you're mad with us, we understand.” Hak was always the first one to cut right to the chase and now was not any different. I glanced up at him in confusion, only to see him scowling into the fire. I guess even he didn't like this as much as any of the others did. “Just get it over with now, and let's all save ourselves from having to skirt around the problem for the rest of night.”

I nodded. I did not want to prolong this any longer than they did. I pointed to myself and mimicked breaking a bone or stick- I understood I was a broken person- then looked at the group and flexed my arms to signal that they were strong. They were the ones who fought and won. I was the one who brought calamity and heartache wherever I went.

“You're strong in your own way, Ming-hua.” Yona put in calmly when she realized what it was I had said. “This battle just does not cater to it. When we took you in, we did not mean for our battles to become yours. We are doing this of our own accord and for our own reasons. Do not think for a moment that it is because we do not care for you.”

I shook my head adamantly. These people cared far too much for me; that was the source of my heartache. I pointed to myself, mimicked the sign for strength again, and pointed to them all.

“You have done more than enough on our behalf.” Ki-ja was kind with his rebuttal to my self-deprecation. “Surely our master huntress had given us more than enough times to be thankful for fresh game to start our days off with! And these men have been singing your praises for the kind and diligent work you offered them on our behalf. I doubt any of us would have had the resilience of spirit to tend to them as you and Yoon have.”

I jerked my head to look at him in confusion. Had the men really said such warm-hearted things about someone as useless as me? His blue eyes widened as they registered my sudden reaction but soon eased into a knowing look as I averted my gaze. Their praise was more than someone like me deserved.

“He's right.” Hak gave a sound of amusement. “Those so-called pirates are pretty smitten with you. And for good reason. You've done your part here.” I glanced up to see him offering me a nod of respect. “It's more than enough.”

I turned to look at Yona. She looked a little pale, but that light in her eyes from the day Gi-gan had challenged her worth was there again. I couldn't look at it for more than a few moments before having to avert my eyes. There was a power within her I doubted I would ever find within myself.

“Yoon and I will be just fine tomorrow.” She understood what my searching gaze had meant. “We all will, and when the battle is over, we'll celebrate with you and enjoy the hard work each of us has put in over the week.”

I smiled at the dirt. Gi-gan had said almost the exact same thing when she had comforted me up on the cliff path.

“And Shin-ah will pick you up and spin you around like the lovesick weirdos you two are.” Everyone was jumping to shout something at Hak as he curled his lips in a wicked smirk. Even I had jolted under his obnoxious teasing; the man seemed to know no bounds when it came to prodding the two of us. “What?” His voice was louder now, and carried effortlessly into the space behind me. “You'll do it, won't you, Shin-ah? I know you can hear us all perfectly well from inside of that tent.”

He gave a sound of agreement so soft only I could hear from my spot just beside the structure. My face heated so quickly, I thought I would explode from the embarrassed awe rendering me helpless. The others were cheering and laughing at the sudden reaction I had; they must have known that he had agreed. I was mortified. Did Shin-ah not understand what Hak was implying?

 _He's not an idiot, you know. I think he knows well enough what Hak meant_.

“What are you three morons howling like monkeys about?” Yoon had returned at the worst time in the conversation. I glanced up and flailed my hands in attempts of keeping him from asking anymore. His blue eyes narrowed at my frantic plea but returned to normal as a wicked smile curled on his lips. I blanched. He was enjoying this as much as the others. “Are we making bets on Ming-hua and Shin-ah again?”

Yona pressed her hands against her lips in a demure attempt of holding back her laughter. It backfired. Horribly. “Not this time.” She managed once her giggles died away. “We were just giving them a little teasing for our own enjoyment.”

“Hak brashly offered his own spin on how our victory tomorrow will unfold when we return.” Ki-ja informed him levelly as the boy wound around them to approach the tent with the clothes he had managed to procure from the crew. “He hopes Ming-hua will be met with some exuberance on Shin-ah's part.”

Yoon scoffed. “And he probably agreed, knowing the reaction she had.”

“Right on the money.” Hak whistled. “How'd you know?”

“Trust me,” Yoon winked at me before he paused at the mouth of the tent. “You all are much easier to read than you think. Even you, Thunder Beast.” He turned to catch Hak with his mouth open in attempt of giving him a quick rebuttal. We all were cackling again. “You're the easiest by far.”

The man was stumbling to come up with a quip in time, but Yoon was already inside the tent before he could piece together anything smart to say in return. I listened subconsciously as Yona and the other two men began speaking in amiable joy about Yoon's motherly tendencies but found myself more concerned with the mumble of noise I heard behind me. What was it Yoon was speaking with Shin-ah about? Did it have anything to do with what we had just been talking about?

_Does it even really matter?_

My heart was drifting in ecstasy as I thought of the momentous evening. Shin-ah was the man I was looking for. He was here for me and wished for me to feel joy when I was in his presence. The other's teasing did not faze him from wanting to bring happiness my way. I loved him for his innocent kindness; he did not know how badly my soul ached for it.

Yoon left the tent and came to sit beside me. I watched him for a moment, only to see him slide his gaze from me to the fire. The look in his eyes was heavy; I knew that he still felt guilty about taking my place. “Is everything okay between us?”

I gave him a nod as I placed a hand gently onto his shoulder. The strength to smile at him did not come; the worry that plagued my veins on his behalf did not allow that kind of reassurance. He was doing what was right, even if it wasn't what was easiest. And that's why I respected this boy three years my junior as much as any of the seasoned warriors gathered around us.

“Good.” His lips lifted, but he too couldn't quite smile. “I was hoping so.” He turned to look at the fire for a moment, before jerking his head back at me. “Wait. You didn't get any dinner, did you?”

I blinked. Had I not? My mind drifted back to my argument with Gi-gan, my untimely meltdown, and my quiet withdrawal back in the safety of her quarters. I offered a shrug to reassure the boy that it wasn't his fault; one night without sustenance would not kill me. I had known my fair share of hungry nights before joining this group; one more would do no true harm to my now well-fed frame.

“Wait here.” He was already moving to his feet. “I'll get you something while I get one last round of tea going for us all to share.”

I wanted to tell him not to go, but I supposed the notion was just another way he hoped to rebuild kind feelings between us. A fleeting smile appeared as he jogged away with some haste. How could these people care about my reactions to their decisions so much? Yona had spoken true; their decisions were of no consequence to me. What they did was for their benefit, not mine. This was never meant to be my fight.

I heard the flap to the tent flutter and turned in time to see Shin-ah moving to take the spot Yoon had just occupied. He was now dressed in a plain brown tunic and a pair of black trousers that were a little too short for him, but by the gods, looked as handsome as if he had been adorned in silks and precious metals. I tried not to smile; I doubted I would find him deplorable even if he was wearing a burlap sack.

 _Or nothing at all_.

My cheeks flushed as the impulsive thought left me shaming myself. The desire only seemed to grow now that I knew he really was my past lover; it was a dangerous mindset to end the evening off with. I should be grateful that the man beside me was connected to me in ways I had thought too foolish and childish before. He was mine.

_He was in a different life. How can you expect him to throw everything away he has now just for you?_

The realization sliced through my body so heavily I gasped at its shock value. The others were watching me with concern at the intrusion of my sudden noise. I waved my hands quickly to reassure them that I had done it to myself. My mind was whirring as the dread set in; the hope today had brought was quickly been shot down.

It was true. There was no assurance that Shin-ah had any recollection of the promise his predecessor had made to Chao-Xing. Even if he did, I doubted the tale was anything but that in his mind. I knew his priorities did not lay with me. Like the tale warned, his duties lay with his dragon brethren and their master, King Hiriyuu.

_If that's true, then who was Hiriyuu's-_

My eyes met Yona's, and the questionable look she was giving me was more than enough to put my doubts to rest. Ah, so that was why I remembered that power of her eyes with such fondness! She had been King Hiriyuu in another life. That was the reason why she was collecting the dragon warriors and why Shin-ah did not falter to keep his place in her group. Her duties were his own; this whole group's loyalty undoubtedly laid with her.

I looked away before my expression could give anything away to the worried girl across the fire from me. A laugh was bubbling in my throat as the sheer incredibility of the scenario unfolding before me dawned on me. King Hiriyuu and three out of the four warriors of old were here in front of me. The beloved household Chao-Xing had once served was gathering around her yet again.

My chest was filling with unspeakable joy at the realization. After so many years of waiting, I understood that her soul must finally feel some well-earned peace. Was that why I could never find the strength to leave this group that settled so well with me? Is that why they too seemed drawn to protect me?

Impossible. My face fell as the doubts overwhelmed the hopes I held. These people probably did not even know who Chao-Xing was. I doubted they would ever care.

A tentative warmth flooded over one of my hands, and I slowly lifted my eyes to see that Shin-ah had placed his hand on top of my own. My lips curled into a tiny smile at his tender comfort. He did not understand how much I loved him. How much I would always love him. And at a time like this, it gave me hope that perhaps my feelings would mirror his own sometime in the future.

“What are you two doing?” We both jumped as Yoon's condescension flooded into the silence. Shin-ah jerked his hand away until it was laying in the dirt between us, and my face was burning for third time this evening in mortification. The boy watched our hasty reactions with a laugh before squatting between us. “Here, eat this. It's not much, but I think it'll see you through until morning.”

I took the handful of freshly roasted nuts with a small smile. We all sat in a calm silence as the others talked or spun a tale for each other's enjoyment, savoring our last night together like this for heaven knows how long. My thoughts wandered on their own as the group began to ready themselves for bed, wondering if this really would be my final evening amongst the group like this. My heart ached as the looming future beckoned me to make my choice. Did I say goodbye to them and take up Gi-gan's offer to live here with her? Or did I stubbornly plow on ahead now that I understood Shin-ah's connection to me?

There was no easy answer. I did not want to hurt either party, nor did I want to leave either behind. While the past few days had let the once wyly captain grow tender and motherly with me, it didn't mean I could so easily forget the kindness, joy, and understanding these five had shown me over the last three weeks. Each choice I made would result in some level of heartache. I dreaded choosing, but i knew deep down that with the imposing battle looming over us as soon as the dawn broke, there was no time to sit and be idle.

I gestured to Hak that I would take first watch for the night. He nodded his thanks as he and the other two warriors pulled apart the packs and blankets for their use. There was plenty to keep me occupied after the group had given soft wishes to each other for easy sleep and pleasant dreams, though not enough to keep my anxious thoughts at bay. They were swarming in frantic waves in my mind, and I wished I could clamp my hands over my ears and tell them to cease once and for all.

It was pointless to let them go on like this, I reminded myself with a sigh after the fire had been rekindled while the others had fallen into what I hoped to be a short cycle of sleep. I stood to my feet, wiped the dirt off of Gi-gan's robe, and tip-toed over Shin-ah's sleeping form curled in the dirt just beside me to walk the illuminated cove cradled in the moon's embrace as I sorted through my thoughts.

The first and foremost thing I knew I needed to do was make sure everything was alright with me before I could ever hope to be alright in any other aspect of my life. Healing had to come sooner than later; it would be a long and hard fought process I knew that these people could not afford with their tedious schedules on the road. Putting myself first was not an easy thing to do, but at the end of the day, if I did not wish to always be a weak woman who cowered at the mere sight of a man, I had to sort through my own problems before ever thinking about solving someone else's.

Which left me conflicted. I had always said that I would do Chao-Xing's wishes in her stead, and finding Shin-ah so suddenly made leaving him just as quickly after our star-crossed reunion nearly impossible. I did not want to part with him. I did not to part with any of them. But I knew, much as they did, that the longer we stayed together, the harder it would be for them, as well as myself, to pull everything into working order if they constantly had to worry about my condition and any sudden changes that might trigger it. I would not place that burden on their shoulders any longer.

_So you'll toss it on Gi-gan and let her carry it instead?_

My hands instinctively clenched into tight fists as an irritated sigh pushed through my lips. There was going to be some kind of tension with any decision I made, and realizing how many there were with either option left me angry at myself. What right did I have to impose myself onto anyone? Why didn't I just leave and let these people go back to their livelihood before I had shown up?

I looked to the path that led away from the cove, then down at the ship and camp sight of my group. It was the hardest and most stubborn choice, I supposed, but the most selfless as well. My problems were my own. Despite Shin-ah, despite Chao-Xing, despite Gi-gan and the girls of Awa, I thought, in that moment, that I would make the right decision by leaving. I had told myself to do it if my stay got too complicated with the group, and I doubted they would ever get more complex than they were right now.

My feet carried me up the path but not for long. A woeful sound of an instrument broke out across the air, and I paused to listen to its melancholy lullaby. The music was coming from somewhere in front of me and despite my desire to run away, I found myself drawn to it. My steps were slow and soft as the music continued from a small clearing along the path that overlooked the ocean.

It wasn't hard to tell who the musician was as I paused, and a small frown found its way onto my face. Of all the people, it had to be Jae-ha. I felt myself turn in hopes of leaving before he could notice that I had stumbled upon him, but I saw his head turn just as I wanted to leave. His eyes widened just a fraction as the moonlight hit them, but the look settled as he politely beckoned for me to come closer.

I couldn't stop myself from making a face at him. These past three days had not done much to change my opinion of him, though I told myself not to think ill of him. He had done his part to ensure tomorrow's plan would run smoothly and had not once broken his promise to Shin-ah or the others after they asked him to leave me alone. If we ever did happen to cross paths- which was rare in the span of time either of us had preparing for the heist- he would give a small smile or nod of his head in acknowledgment and be on his way.

The song came to an end before my thoughts did, and he swiveled around in the dirt to give me a tentative smile. “Please, feel free to join me. I would hope by now you know that I don't bite.” He winked playfully as he readjusted the instrument on his lap. “Unless you ever wished me to, fair maiden.”

I shuddered in disgust but went to sit beside him with a good few feet of space left between us. The man offered a soft chuckle as I huffed and tried to appear disinterested in his presence, and moved to run his bow over the strings of the small string instrument sitting propped against his left thigh. “You couldn't sleep either, hm?”

I offered a nonchalant shrug. My problems were none of his business. If he thought they were, he had another thing coming.

“I see.” He offered with a small laugh as his eyes glanced at Gi-gan's shawl wrapped around my shoulders. “Well, I don't think we will be the only ones. Tomorrow weighs heavily on everyone's minds.” His eyes flitted out to the ocean as we settled into a heavy silence. “Don't be upset with the others for excluding you. I don't think any of the crew, including the captain or myself, had planned on letting you go before their confessions even occurred.”

I looked at him in confusion before gesturing for him to continue. He shook his head at my adamant curiosity but went on all the same. “We- as in the crew and our captain- have been working to fight for Awa's women for quite longer than any of you might have been aware when your group stumbled upon us. This place is notorious for its mistreatment of your lovely sex- that sadly often goes unpunished in the hustle and bustle a port town naturally generates in its existence- so we have become quite good at spotting damaged or mistreated women. I don't doubt that anyone could deny it about you, if you'll beg my pardon for making such an rude inference.”

I shrugged again. It didn't bother me as much as it surprised me. These men had willingly given of themselves to help women like me before this? Gi-gan was an understandable case after what she had openly shared about her past, but from what little I knew about these fisherman turned pirates, I found myself loving them all even more. There was not a doubt in my mind that if they had been around my village when those soldiers had starting attacking us that the problem would have been dealt with swiftly and justly for us all.

“I hope you'll allow me to speak freely.” He waited until I offered a reluctant nod to continue. I still did not understand Jae-ha; giving him free range with his words made me weary even now. “The disgusting creatures who did this to you deserve to suffer a horrible life in this world and the next. People like that need to be born as roses in their next life so they can know what it feels like to be born into the dirt and torn asunder for their so-called beauty.”

His honest words astounded me. The man did not know me, and yet, he offered me such words? Even the others had never spoken of the soldiers who had done this to me in such a sense. Not that I thought they cared less than the man beside me did, but hearing someone so brazenly speak for justice on my behalf made my heart tumble in a confusing mix of awe, weariness, and admiration.

I offered him a small smile of gratitude and dipped into a small bow. He did not deserve to waste such kind sentiments on someone like me. Many women had endured much worse for much longer. I was one of the lucky ones; it was a notion I would never allow myself to forget.

He offered an airy chuckle when I lifted my head. “Well, enough of that dreary talk. Are you familiar with any songs? Between the two of us, I'm sure we can serenade the camp into blissful sleep.”

I fidgeted. The only person who had ever heard me sing before was Shin-ah, and that had been in the confidence that no one else would hear it. Not that I found wrapping the camp in a peaceful lullaby unfathomable; it seemed just the thing everyone would need in a time like this.

“Do..” I paused to cough when the man swiveled his head to look at me in shock. I suppose he did not know that I could speak. My hands began fiddling with the folds in my robes. I hoped I did not look like a complete fool. “Do you know the lullaby from the stars?”

He offered a small smile once the shock faded. “I do indeed.”

He sat still for a moment before his hands began to move on the erhu. The familiar melody settled into my ears with such fondness I found myself closing my eyes to relish in its tragically beautiful timbre. The words were beginning to unravel themselves in my mind, and I was singing as the opening refrain he so beautifully played came to an end:

__

__Above the world in every direction_ _

__Comes the light of the heavens to light our way_ _

__Dear child, have no fear_ _

__Let me guide you on your journey to sleep._ _

__My gentle voice drifts over the cool air between us_ _

__As sweet and bright as the constellations_ _

__That will never falter to love and protect you_ _

__Oh, shall you ever know their peace_ _

__Believe that I will be with you, my love_ _

__Just as the night sky will always stretch infinitely above you_ _

__The light of my spirit may return there one day_ _

__But it will belong to you for as long as time spans_ _

 

I opened my eyes and turned to look at Jae-ha for a few moments after he had cut off the last chord for the lullaby. He was looking at me with a mixture of awe and slight amazement, and I cocked my head to look at him in confusion. Was my singing off? Or did he find it odd that I submerged myself into music when it happened across my path?

“Oh!” He jumped when he realized he had been holding my inquisitive stare. “It's just-” He paused to look up at the sky, then back at me with some disbelief. “The stars seemed to be glowing brighter when you began to sing.”

My lips curled slightly in amusement. The man must be more tired than he let on. Or he was possibly attempting to lay a gentle compliment on me. Either way, I knew not to take what he had said too seriously.

“Perhaps I saw wrong.” He offered with a chuckle at my restrained reaction. “Shall we join in another song to prove it?” His eyes lifted over my head, but paused as they glanced in the space behind us. A smirk curled on his lips; apparently he found something of amusement there in the shadows. “Or perhaps not. Our audience does not seem transfixed enough for another ballad.”

I turned my head to see what in the world he was going on about, only to gape as I noted Shin-ah's form standing quietly in the dirt a few yards behind us. My mind was racing as I hurried to my feet. How long had he been listening to us? Was he angry that I was with Jae-ha, or that I had spoken to him before the others? My chest felt leaden with guilt. I must have done something terribly wrong to deserve the level of scrutiny he was giving us.

“I think that's enough for tonight.” Jae-ha was still smirking. I wondered if he thought the strange circumstances between his dragon brother and myself were something of intrigue. Not that I blamed him; it seemed something everyone took notice of before we did. “Thank you for that wonderful duet, Ming-Hua. You have a beautiful voice.”

I nodded a hasty thanks to his praise and sauntered over to Shin-ah's side. My eyes were wide as he looked at Jae-ha, then back at me. Did he think something other than a unexpected meeting had happened between us? I did not like his unwavering attention; it spoke in ways I could not fathom.

He jerked his head back to the path leading up the cliff, and I gave a quick nod to show him that I understood. Jae-ha was already beginning to play another song as we departed. It seemed that he too wanted to rid himself of the uncomfortable attention Shin-ah had been giving us both. I found myself in an odd state of panic as we walked side by side; I'd never seen Shin-ah angry outside of the rage he had almost been unable to control himself when those men had stumbled upon me in the meadow. Not once had I thought he would ever direct any sourness at me, nor any of our allies, but it seemed that I did not understand him as much as I thought I did.

We settled on the path before its steep inclination could render us both breathless and sat looking away from each other. My hands were dejectedly picking at the tiny pebbles that lingered in the dirt, hoping that this situation would rid itself as quickly as it had come. Shin-ah did not seem to mind the silence as much as I did; not once did he move from his spot just beside me nor speak a word. I gulped. Did he want an explanation of why I was with Jae-ha in the middle of the night?

“I-” My voice was trembling when it came. I did not like the feeling of guilt the innocent meeting with his warrior brother brought. “I didn't mean to stumble on Jae-ha. Please believe me.”

He made a sound of agreement, and I felt myself sigh in relief. He had not been angry about that then. “Don't go.. where I can't find you.”

I turned to look at him in confusion. “Shin-ah?”

“I...” He dipped his head as his hands too began picking at the rocks in front of his sitting form. “Had a nightmare. About you. That the alcove was attacked when we left.”

My look softened. The poor man. Was that what had broken his slumber this evening? He suffered such darkness just because I existed.

“Nothing bad will happen to me.” I moved to wrap my arms around one of his own before laying my head on his shoulder. It was something I hoped would comfort him if my words did not. “The cove is safe and indiscernible from afar. I doubt anyone will think to find it with that man sending all of his forces out to sea.”

“But-”

“Believe in me.” My voice was soft but sure. “That's all I'm asking for.”

He grunted. “I do. It-.”

“Everything else is beyond our control.” I cut him off before he finish. There was no need to cater to his fears when they were this unfounded. “You must do your part to rescue Yoon, Yona, and the other girls from Awa. Those wonderful eyes of yours are crucial to their survival, as is your swordsmanship. Don't you dare think of worrying about me before them. I'd never forgive you.”

It was true. While it moved me to know that the man worried so fervently on my behalf, it wasn't good to allow it to continue. Everyone needed his mind and spirit to be there with them during the heist; I did not need him to be distracted by me when I remained behind.

He gave a small sound of agreement. I smiled against the side of his arm and snuggled my cheek closer to his borrowed tunic. I was glad he did not wish to argue over something so petty.

“Ming-Hua?”

I lifted my cheek up against his arm so I could look into his face. “Yes?”

“Jae-ha was right.”

I laughed. “About what?”

“Everything he said.” He turned to look down the path. “About you.”

The heat was quickly spreading across my cheeks. My heart was pattering so frantically at his quiet confession I thought I faint from the exhilarating giddiness. I let out a small coo but caught myself before I could do anything ridiculous.

I attempted to play off my embarrassment with a joke. “Even the part about the stars?”

He nodded. “Every time you sang, they shone even brighter.”

“Really?” I looked at him in awe. It was something straight out of a fairy tale. Stars did not change their luminosity just because a poor peasant girl opened her mouth to sing some silly lullaby. But when he offered another slow, confidant nod, I knew that he and Jae-ha could not have both seen wrong. “Amazing. I-”

He lifted his free hand to my lips, and the words vanished under his suddenly tender touch. I closed my eyes as he slowly traced his fingertips against my lips, relishing in the familiar feeling. When had he done this last? Ah, that was right. The corners of my lips lifted as the week-old memory of us sitting side by side as I ate the loquat fruit he had brought me unraveled in my mind. Shin-ah's fingers moved away from my lips to trace my cheek, and I turned my face to place a loving kiss against his palm. The words were threatening to spill from my mouth: _I love you. Oh, I've loved you for so many, many centuries. Thank you for your tenderness. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for existing in this world with me._

He pulled his hand away after a moment, and I felt saddened to not have his gentle touches caressing me any longer. I longed to do the same for him- to etch every inch of his handsome face with my fingertips- but with his mask came a sense of respect I knew my feelings would not cross. It may come with time that such a gift would be bestowed on me, but for now, merely knowing he was here beside me was more than enough.

“I-” He coughed as the sudden word came out of his mouth. “I'm sorry.”

I sat perplexed. “For what?”

“Earlier, at the waterfall.”

“Oh!” The warmth was seeping from my cheeks into my neck as I remembered the awkwardly sensual moment we had shared. A tiny giggle passed from my lips. “Think nothing of it, Shin-ah. You didn't do anything wrong.”

“Are you sure?”

I smiled. “Of course. I wouldn't lie to you.” My smile fell as I remembered his seriousness not long ago when he had found me with Jae-ha. “I'm the one who should be apologizing. You seemed a little angry about earlier.”

“With Jae-ha?”

“Yes.”

“I..” He paused. Was he still a little upset? “I don't know why.”

“What do you mean?”

He did not speak for a few moments. I knew it was hard for Shin-ah to put his feelings into words sometimes, and I knew it was best to allow him some time to think. The last thing I wanted to do was put words into his mouth when I so desperately wondered what that whole silent mulling had been about.

“When I saw you alone with him, I.. I did not like it. I do not like when you are not beside me.”

I looked at him in shock. Shin-ah had been jealous? Of Jae-ha? A laugh was bubbling in my throat, but I restrained myself. Laughing now would give the man beside me the wrong impression.

“Jae-ha invited me to stay with him so I wouldn't bother the camp while I wandered around.” I knew admitting to him that I was going to run away and leave them all behind would blow up to a much larger thing than I intended it to be, so I left the reason for my wandering unstated. “I am glad that we can all be friends. But,” I closed my eyes as the happy feeling raced in my veins. “I am most grateful that you are beside me, Shin-ah. Do not think that my eyes will wander from you to anyone else.”

He made a small sound of surprise, but remained as he was. “Really?”

“Truly.”

I gave his arm a reassuring squeeze as the silence settled between us. Part of me wished to spill my heart and explain Chao-Xing's tale to him, but with the man already so preoccupied with his own thoughts, I decided against it. Tomorrow night, if all went well with their battle and he was returned safely to me, I would attempt to bridge the gap between us. This was more than enough for now. It was more than I could ever possibly deserve from the man who had stolen my heart and soul in this lifetime and the last.

A small yawn escaped his lips, and I smiled a little wider. The man needed his rest. As kind as he was to always come searching for me whenever I ran off, he needed someone to keep watch on his behalf as well.

After unwrapping my arms from his, I stood to my feet and offered him my hands. “Here.” I smiled as he took them and stood to his feet. “Let's go back to camp and attempt to sleep, hm?”

He looked at me, then down at the ground. “Will you... stay with me?”

_What?_

Was he asking me to... I felt a shiver of equal parts pleasure and fear run down my spine. Idiot. Shin-ah did not mean it like that. He just wished for me to remain beside him tonight. I grinned sheepishly when he looked dubiously into my face. It was all I wanted as well.

“Of course.” My answer was as soft as his question had been. “Shall we?”

We returned back to our group only to realize that some had also left in the span of time we had been away. I wondered if they had worried that the two of us had gone off on our own again, but I doubted that it bothered anyone in the safety of this place. By now, the group must have understood the gentle camaraderie we shared did not venture into anything shameful. We were just two people who were more than friends while still retaining our innocence.

The sentiment only continued to be proven true when we moved to curl together outside the tent. Shin-ah wrapped his blanket over us both as I snuggled into his chest, and he cradled me in his arms once he was done. I lifted my face to press a kiss to his chin before a quiet hope for pleasant dreams left my lips, and he returned the sentiment, though without a kiss in return. He had no need to; I knew how he felt even without the gesture.

My thoughts were still unsettled as I lay contently against his body, but I knew that when tomorrow came, so would some added clarity. Too much had happened in the span of this day to allow myself to make any rational decisions before the night was over. There was no need to think of permanent goodbyes tonight. I wanted to savor in every small victory my soul had found and drift away on the sounds of the waves lapping up against the rocky cove without a care in the world.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you yet again for the continuing kudos, hits, and comments this fic is getting! You all are amazing and inspire me to write. My apologies for the late update, but sadly I am going to be preoccupied with traveling for about the next month, so the final chapter of this fic will not be coming for some time. In the meantime, please enjoy this newest chapter!

Morning broke with a bustle of activities that could not be done without haste. Yoon and Yona were whisked away shortly after the boy had finished making breakfast for the whole crew, and I was barked at to get started with the dishes so that I could go assist the men with any other chores they might need my assistance for. I did not mind the orders or the quickness they were offered with, and I quietly went about my work without complaint.

Shin-ah and I hadn't said much to each other when we had awoken much as we had fallen asleep, nor had any of our group seemed in the mood to tease us about our sudden sleeping arrangement when we all awoke. They all offered a fleeting smile of amusement as we hastily went about our morning ablutions and the such. The gentle joy I knew they exuded showed that they were glad for something warm to start the turbid day off with.

I was whisked up onto the ship as the two teens were saying their goodbyes to the group, and offered a smile or squeeze of the hand to both after gesturing that I would be praying for their safety. Yoon was a little flustered when I looked at him with tears brimming my eyes, but he offered a confidant smirk from beneath his disguise- one I was surprised to see so easily accepted in my own mind- to assure me that he understood his part in the heist. There was a moment of brief humor as Hak and Ki-ja both attempted to try cross-dressing on their own accord to leave Yona in their care, but it failed so horribly no one could keep a straight face as the men argued that they too could infiltrate Kum-Ji's group of kidnapped women.

The joking banter was short lived as the two teens understood how crucial it was to reach Awa in good time, and a more solemn set of goodbyes and wishes for safety were offered as the two, along with Ao, wound their way off the ship and onto their grave duties for the day. I watched them go with a sinking stomach, swallowed by my own dark memories that I could do nothing but think about every horrible thing that could happen to either of them or any of the other women in that disgusting man's grasp. People like him deserved exactly as Jae-ha had confessed last night; they deserved to taste mind-shattering despair and torment to fully receive their just punishments.

“They'll be just fine.” I jerked my head to see that Gi-gan had moved to stand quietly beside me. Her eyes were following the pair as they began to disappear up the path up the cliff and out to Awa, but flitted to me for a moment to give me a motherly look. “As will all of us. Today will not result in tears. Did I not promise you this beforehand?”

Despite her calm words, I knew she must have been anything but calm. I looked down at her shawl still wrapped around my shoulders and smiled as its motherly warmth continued to flow over me. She was always the one protecting all of us from fear when it was all she did in the safety of her mind.

I lifted the shawl and gently wrapped it around her shoulders. She gave a wobbling smile that spoke that she understood why I had suddenly returned it. She turned to pat my head with a quiet compliment about how tender-hearted I was but quickly returned to her leadership mentality as she barked at her men to get back to their work.

Midday passed in a blur of activities much like the morning had, and before long, we were all standing in the orange light of the afternoon sun in tense anticipation for Gi-gan's orders. The crew seemed quiet but optimistic as they checked their supplies, weapons, and plans of attacks one last time in the safety of the cove before the call was given for everyone to come aboard. My three warriors stopped before me as I stood calmly to the side of the crew, and each offered their own unique partings after the crew had shouted their own hopeful cheers for victory out to me.

“Take care of yourself.” Hak moved to ruffle my hair quickly under one of his broad hands. He was not smirking like I thought he would be and gave only a calm nod that spoke of his imposing mindset for the battle ahead. “We won't be long.”

Ki-ja moved to rest his hand on my shoulder when Hak walked away. “Our victory will bring a blossoming smile to your face, Ming-Hua. I hope you will grace us with one upon our return.”

I nodded my agreement and soon he and Hak were making their way aboard. Only Shin-ah and I were left standing on the cove at that point, looking at each other in ways I doubted I could ever put into words. He place a hand on my shoulder as Ki-ja had, but I moved to hug him tightly in my arms not long afterward. He made a small sound of surprise as I held tight and whispered prayer after prayer for his safety and well-being into his robe and came to hold me with some caution as he felt my shaking figure cling to him.

There was a shout for us to kiss and be done with it for now, and that was more than enough for us both to break apart. He nodded his head up towards the ship, and as much as I hated to see him go, I knew it was for the best. I watched him depart with a heavy heart as I stood quietly on the cove and lifted my hand in farewell when the ship lifted its anchor and began to make its journey out to sea.

My worries seemed to subside as I went to check on my two remaining patients left in the alcove. Both men had sustained a significant wound to either their head or back that made standing for very long extremely difficult, but each were in so bright a spirit I knew that they would be recover fully sooner than later. It must have bothered them to not be on the expedition with their fellow crew members, but neither spoke anything but constant reassurances to me as I went about changing their bandages or helping them drink a draft of medicinal brews as afternoon slowly progressed into evening.

Each of my patients soon drifted off into a recuperative sleep when night fell, and I went to sit at the mouth of the alcove just in case either woke and needed my assistance. The moon was bright overhead, and I could feel my soul ache as the haunted visions of the crew and our three warriors getting cut down in the fight I knew was going on right at that moment played out incessantly in my mind. I closed my eyes and clutched my hands over my heart as fervid prayers for everyone's safety spilled from my lips ceaselessly for a brief window of time.

The light seemed to float brightly over my head as I sat in meditative thought. I smiled as I remembered what Jae-ha and Shin-ah had said about the stars being attuned to my energy. Such a foolish, silly thing. I was nothing grand. Those men and women risking their lives out at sea to end that disgusting lord's tyranny and abuse were the ones who should have the heavens dance in joy for them.

Night progressed with little change, and I grew more anxious the longer the sea remained silent around the cove. There had been a few noises throughout the evening- a loud pop in the air or a scant echoing remnant of cannon fire- but not enough to persuade me that the fight was leaning in our favor. Kum-Ji had at least ten ships at his disposal if Jae-ha's intel was reliable, and even with that snippet of information, I knew we were outnumbered severely.

Still, our group had a trick of the uncanny up their sleeve that I doubted those ships employed by the lord did. My soul lifted when I thought about Ki-ja, Jae-ha, and Shin-ah using their dragon blood to turn the tide in our favor, and there wasn't a single doubt in my mind that their existence was the deciding factor in this evening's battle. I imagined Shin-ah racing across the deck of a enemy ship, swinging his sword with the graceful power he bestowed to clear the way for the others. He would be just fine. They all would.

I must have drifted off into a hazy sort of sleep as the visions of victory played in the safety of my mind, because I found myself jolting from a groggy haze to the sounds of voices cutting into the still air of the cove awoke me. My eyes were frantically searching the dark waters leading out of the sheltered rocky structure and soon found myself staring at the bow of our ship as it re-entered the cove.

I jumped to my feet with a cry of delight. By the gods, they were back!

There were shouts of triumph echoing from the ship while it came to anchor, and I ran as fast as my legs could carry me to the side of the vessel. The men began to wave or whistle when they noticed my racing form, and their enthusiasm only added speed to my pace. A smile was uncurling on my face as the tears of relief cascaded down my cheeks. 

They were back! By the heavens, they had won!

I stood fidgeting with my robe as the men began to unboard the ship but soon began smiling or nodding as they offered a greeting or smile when they came my way. They were flushing in pride when I beamed with radiance at every word they spoke. It was obvious that while most were battered, none had been harmed severely during the fight. This strange group of so-called pirates had truly grown on me. They were all magnificent men.

While I was warmed by the crew, nothing could stop the insatiable feeling of joy that filled my body when our group came walking down the plank. The tears were flowing even heavier when I noted Yoon and Yona- who appeared the most battered and bruised out of the whole group- watching me with quiet looks of relief. I could only sob into my hands as I realized they had survived the amount of danger I knew they solely had been subjected to.

They too were crying when they came to throw their arms around me, and the three of us shared a heartfelt moment of relief and gratitude that I doubted anyone understood. Gods, I never wished to let these people out of my sight. They always put themselves in danger instead of me and never faltered to do what they needed to. I loved these idiots more than life itself.

Gi-gan's mentality mixing with my own left me smiling as we pulled away. She was really rubbing off on me in ways I didn't quite understand. It was odd; I did not really mind the woman's influence as much as I had a few days ago.

My bemused thoughts came to a sudden halt when the group dispersed so that I could see Shin-ah for the first time since their return. Hak was nudging him with his elbow as the other man quietly stood drinking me in, before smirking with that wicked amusement he always seemed to exude when dealing with us. After a moment, Shin-ah lifted his arms and beckoned for me to come to him. I wasted no time doing just that. I ran with gusto and threw my arms around his neck as I jumped into his open embrace.

Everyone was cheering as he lifted me off the ground and spun me for a few short moments just as he promised Hak he would when they came back victorious. I was blubbering into his neck- saying that I loved him, welcoming him home, and thanking the gods that he had been returned with only a few minor scuffs to show- but the words seemed to be drowned out as the infectiously good feeling of their triumph echoed in the continuing cheers and shouts the crew gave all around us.

“All right, all right.” Gi-gan's stern voice broke through the noise with ease, and everyone seemed to know that she now held the floor. Shin-ah still held me close as she came down the plank to give us all a motherly smile of encouragement. I couldn't help but smile in return as her eyes drifted over me. “Now that we have returned to the cove in one piece, let's get the two injured men on board and have any pressing injuries dealt with before we returned to our captive audience in Awa.”

Her crew offered a hearty agreement to her command and wasted no time doing what she asked. I watched as our group moved to disperse to help the injured pirates and themselves to a quick bandage or salve, and knew that I had to go and help them. My eyes lifted to Shin-ah as I began to pull away, and I gave a small smile when he turned to look down at me. I jerked my head in the direction of the alcove to which he gave a nod in return before releasing his hold on me.

I pushed Yoon aside when he tried to aid the injured crew and had him sit patiently as I tended to his own multitude of abrasions. The boy had been injured pretty severely; I noted the bruises starting to form on his arms alongside the scrapes and gashes he had littered on his torso and face with a tiny frown. Those wounds should have been my own. I should have been subjected to whatever he went through in my place.

“It looks worse than it feels.” He put in calmly when I put a final layer of salve on the scrape on his face. “I'm fine. Really.”

I offered an offbeat shrug. What I saw made it hard to believe him. He blushed when I moved to rub at his fair hair the way he did when I was overwhelmed before offering a quick retort to have me stop coddling him like he was a child. A smile uncurled on my lips to see him still trying to hide his true feelings from being seen. The boy did not understand that he too was much easier to see through than he believed himself to be.

The men were quick to help me aid their comrades with a bandage or salve when I had my hands full, and we finished dressing everyone's wounds in good time. A few of the less injured men took their time helping my remaining patients to stand than walk with their assistance, and before long, we were all making our way back aboard Gi-gan's vessel. A shout came from the eagle's nest that the tides would be changing soon if we did not set on with haste, and it was all that was needed to set the awaiting crew into action. Men were tugging on the chain for the anchor, and with a little help from Ki-ja and his dragon arm, the job was done in mere moments.

The wind drifted hazily in between the sails as we hugged the cove and made our way east then a little north towards the illuminated port of Awa. I looked at the flickering bonfires going on beneath the plethora of constellations sprinkled against the dark canvas of the sky illuminated by the sliver of the moon that reflected like a mirror on the aqueous surface of the calming sea. Everything was so beautiful. My soul seemed to be drifting to the heavens as the contentment lulled like the tranquil ocean in my veins.

The main deck was alive with noise, and I could only smile from my spot near where the upper deck began at the murmured excitement the crew could barely contain. These men deserved every kind and generous act the citizens of Awa could offer them. They had sacrificed so much of themselves to save girls who probably did not they existed before this evening. I hoped the heavens would shower them with blessings for years to come after this.

“It's sure to be a party in Awa.” I jerked my head to see Yona standing with her arms crossed over the railing. She was looking out at the sea much as I had been a moment ago but turned to give me a gentle smile as her features met my gawking look. “Let's be sure to enjoy it, hm? I think the others know it'll be our last day here,” Her face eased into an apologetic smile. “But I wanted you to enjoy yourself too before we head back on the road. So be sure to make a few great memories here, hm?”

I offered a soft nod in response, and she squeezed my arm under one of her bandaged hands before sauntering away at Yoon's call of her name. My eyes drifted back to the ocean and found myself trying to hold back tears. I did not want to leave this place behind.

_Then you have your answer for what to do, don't you?_

My back straightened as the sudden clarity raced down my spine like a bolt of lightning. I guess I had known my answer all along. A frown was wanting to pull at my lips, but I knew now was not the time to act petty. Staying here would not be torture. These men and women would need some watch for a few days, and by then, my group would be far gone and I would find my life recuperating under Gi-gan's motherly touches. It would be impossible to sever my connection to these people, but I knew staying along with them any longer would only torture us all.

_What about Shin-ah? Or Chao-Xing?_

My hands gripped the rails as the swarm of voices in my head threatened to rip me in two. No, I would not cave. Now was not the time for us to be together. Even if I had found Shin-ah, I knew that as much as I wished for this reincarnated romance to blossom, we were not at that point in our lives. We might never be after all the horrendous things that had happened to us both. As much as it shredded my hopes to think that finding him would all be for naught in the long run, I couldn't deny that finding him at all had brought me such peace and unspeakable joy.

The promise I had made from the day before echoed in my head, and I tried to feel warmed by its presence. Telling him my story seemed so frightening.It made me open and weak in ways I did not think it would have before. The doubts were filling my mind. Was it as good of an idea as I thought it was beforehand? I couldn't place much certainty in it now; Shin-ah was far too inclined to my well being to think clearly. If he found out what I knew about the two of us, he might leave Yona's side and break the vow he had previously made to her and his dragon brethren to stay with me instead.

There was a shout for the men to ready the ship was we neared a docking station just beside Awa, and the deck began to fill with action in every direction. I moved out of the way as the men hoisted themselves up masts or on various and stood with a small smile in the corner beside Yoon and Yona as our men also went to help. I watched Shin-ah helping secure a rope with a pang of pain. I could not believe when dawn broke, I would be saying goodbye to him- to everyone.

My sadness and introversion seem to go unnoticed as we reached the bustling party going on in the city, and I told myself to leave it be for now. Even if I could not help but think about it, now was not the time for tears or pity. Yona had told me to enjoy myself, and by the gods, that was what I hoped to do in my waning hours with this wonderful group.

I found myself filing down the plank to the welcome of a bevy of girls in the rush of the crew and tried to make myself appear invisible as they interacted with the men. If the women did not see me, they would not have to ask who I was, or more importantly, why I had not been apart of the heist that had saved them. The crew, it seemed, had other ideas, and moved to enthusiastically introduce me to all of the girls with never-ending praises for my medicinal help to their remaining two allies and all the hard work I had put in over the last few days on their behalf. The girls were smiling and laughing at their exuberance- or perhaps the flustered blush tinting my cheeks at the men's adamant praise and protection of me- and welcomed me to Awa as if I had been part of the victorious group all along.

A hand came to rest against the small of my back, and I tilted my head back to see that it was Shin-ah who offered the gentle touch. The girls who remained around us were now whispering or smirking as my whole face burned at his sudden appearance and had turned to give the pirates a quiet question I knew had to do with our relationship. The men gave an embarrassed laugh and answered as easily as they could, to wish the girls giggled or pouted. It seemed that I was not the only one who found myself enamored with this reclusive swordsman.

Shin-ah led me along as the girls walked various clusters of our group to one bonfire or another set up around the outskirts of Awa overlooking the sea and did not remove his hand from my back until we had settled side by side at a less occupied fireside. A new bevy of girls were now filing in all around us, offering us everything from alcohol to steaming bowls heaping with fresh seafood and vegetables. Both of us refused the alcohol, though Shin-ah did take up their offer for food. I could only smile as he scarfed down bowl after bowl of stew the girls came by with, as well as a small platter of uncooked vegetables they bestowed upon him.

I listened as Jae-ha was prompted to play a variety of instruments not far off from where we sat, and soon found myself humming or tapping my feet to the upbeat tunes he bestowed upon the party. People were getting up to join him with an instrument or to dance, and I watched the infectious air of joy with a content grin. This was a perfect celebration to encapsulate the end of tyranny in this deserving place. My mother would have cried to see so many women in our situation saved before they could feel the pain we had; there was not a doubt in my mind that she was smiling down on this victory from her place in the heavens.

We sat a while longer amongst the people of Awa, the rescued girls, and Gi-gan's crew, listening as one tale of the fight or another broke out in rippling waves across the gathered crowd. I knew, in those moments, that I was making the right choice staying behind. After the overwhelming help the group had been to the outcome of this battle, I knew I was far too weak to remain alongside them. My place was here for now. Perhaps one day in the distant future, they would beckon me to their side yet again.

With dawn soon approaching, I knew with a heavy heart that I could not hold off on sharing my decision with Shin-ah. It felt wrong to not gather the others and break down in front of them all, but I knew that was far too much to ask of myself at that moment. They did not deserve a night of sad farewells, nor did Shin-ah, but I owed it to him after all we had been through together.

I placed my hand on his shoulder and jerked my head in the direction of the straight our ship was anchored in. Shin-ah did not seem to mind leaving the group and stood to his feet when I did. There was a slurred call from some of the drunken sailors who noted our parting for us to have some fun. I tried not to frown; I doubted either of us would find much enjoyment from the heavy-hearted talk ahead.

We walked for some time to rid ourselves of the infectious party atmosphere that seemed to blanket Awa in all directions. Shin-ah lifted his hand once or twice to adjust a sleeping Ao on his shoulder, and I fidgeted quietly with the hem of my sleeves to keep my mind off of the grave turn I knew I was about to bring to our future together.

There was a little patch of grass and rocks near the beginning of the straight, and I gestured for us to sit. An awkward sort of silence drifted over us as we settled, and for the life of me, I could not find the strength to break it. This was meant to be a night of celebration and joyful camaraderie, not goodbyes. Maybe it wasn't too late to send Shin-ah before I succumbed to my own grief.

I gritted my teeth. Now was not the time to be wishy-washy. When morning came and they left, I would regret not getting to spill my heart to the man who had stolen it before this lifetime. A tiny smile pulled at my lips. He truly was the greatest.

“I..” My voice cracked as the emotions threatened to overwhelm me. The smile on my face almost disappeared, but it remained at a sliver of its size when I regained control. “I have something I need to tell you.”

He gave a small sound for me to assure me that I had his attention. My smile grew; I knew he would listen without judgment. Perhaps not without any emotion, but he would understand as I did that it was the end of the road for my presence in their lives.

A slow stream of air passed through my pursed lips. I braced myself, trying to think of a easy way to soften the blow, but nothing seemed right but the blunt honesty I knew he deserved. “Gi-gan's offered for me to stay with her here in Awa.” I grimaced as the man beside me jolted at my quiet confession. His shock jarred me from wanting to continue, but I did so anyway. “And.. I intend to do so.”

He sat quietly now that it seemed as though he would not stir anytime soon. I dipped my head; it seemed he understood as well as I did that this marked our goodbye. My heart dropped; was this for eternity? I hated to think so, but I knew that his travels may never lead him back here to me. Chao-Xing must be content to know part of her dream had come true; even if I never found Shin-ah again in this lifetime, nor found the strength within myself to become his wife, knowing he truly existed alongside her was a precious gift she would not waste. I knew I would not; I was merely a shabby peasant girl who had been far too lucky to stumble onto his path.

“Thank you, Shin-ah.” My voice was strangled with tears as the grief and loving joyfulness intermingled. “For everything you have done for me. Traveling beside you and all of the others has been the greatest adventure of my life. You have made my broken existence glow with precious happiness no one else on this planet could have brought to it. I am happy you are my friend; I am happy I found you in this dark world.”

“Then why,” His voice was a thread of a whisper when it came. My chest constricted; the unspoken grief that lingered there made me want to break down into a horrible set of sobs. “Are you saying goodbye?”

I lifted a sleeve of my robe to my dripping nose. The tears continued; I doubted they would ever end before morning came. “I need to heal and find my center again. Being with you all will only hinder your progress now that Jae-ha has reunited with you all. Traveling on as I am now is a terrible idea; I'm sure the time we've spent together can attest to that.”

Shin-ah gave an adamant sound of disapproval that spooked Ao out of her peaceful slumber. There was a pause as he moved to coax the jittery squirrel back to sleep, but he spoke not long after she quieted. “The way you are is more than enough for us.”

“It's not.” I tried to smile away the pain constricting my chest. He shook his head; it seemed he was in denial. “I'm not strong enough. This week, on top of the weeks I've spent with you all, has shown me how weak I really am- how far off track I am from being the woman I'm meant to be. I spent years of my life afraid to exist. Now, I want to exist and be happy in what amount of living I have left. I know it may seem selfish, but I have to do this.”

I knew there was nothing the man could say to contest my feelings. We settled into an uncomfortable silence. My chest did not feel lighter; if anything, confessing to him that I would be remaining behind made it feel like I had tied a heavy rock to my chest and submerged myself into ocean.

“Will...” His voice trailed off. “Will you miss me?”

It was my turn to jolt at his sudden inquiry. By the light of the stars, did this man think I was leaving him behind because he did not merit my attention? If only he knew how wrong that assumption was!

“Of course.” I put into the silence adamantly. “I told you last night that I am most grateful when you are by my side. Don't you ever think for a moment that I would ever forget any of you. Especially you, Shin-ah.” A smile tugged at my lips as the tears swelled again. I couldn't speak for a moment; it felt like my heart was screaming in grief and would never quiet. “You do not understand how much hope your presence has given me. I did not think I would find it in this lifetime.”

The man was silent still. I knew this was not something he would be able to process in what little time we had left together. He must be hurt; I knew without a doubt that he was. He did not wish for me to forget him, but little did he know that I would never let the time we had spent together falter from my thoughts. I would not forget his selfless kindness, his silent attentiveness, his innocence nor his beautiful heart. His visage would be forever marked on my soul; I was his for eternity if he ever wished it to be true on his behalf.

A pair of golden eyes flitted against the back of my thoughts, and the urge to see them truly at least once in this lifetime made me blurt out a sudden comment. “Can I ask you something?” I wanted to smack myself when the man paused at my quiet inquiry. He must think me a mindless idiot who could not contain her words. But now that I had spoken, it was too strange of me not to follow through. A torrent of self deprecating words were lashing at me in the safety of my mind. He would probably think ill of me for pushing his limits on our last day together.

He noticed my introversion and nodded at me when I gave him a dubious side-long glance. I sighed. By the heavens, I was ruining what little time we had left together. “I was just hoping to see your eyes one time before we part ways.” I lifted my hands to wave them frantically in the space between us when Shin-ah's aura changed. His barriers were quickly being put up at the sensitive inquiry I offered. “N-not that you have to feel obliged to do so. I just...” I dipped my head as the sheepishness made the words dry up. “Wished to see them all this time. Forgive me for being foolish.”

I listened to the sound of the slowing ocean tides with a sickening dread. Fool. I ruined everything. Why did I have to open my mouth? Seeing them should not matter. There was not a doubt in my mind that Shin-ah was the dragon warrior with golden eyes.

_But won't you regret never seeing them?_

My hands tightened against my robe. Of course I would regret not seeing their beauty, but coercing the man with so little time for him to think it over was unfair and childish. He had every reason to say no. His silence assured me that he would.

But what he did surprise me to the point that I almost fell over.

He began fiddling with his pelt and soon discarded it the ground between us. I felt my breath catch. What was he doing? Surely he wasn't... My thoughts seemed to blur then disappear all together as he reach to grasp his mask and slowly pull it away from his face.

He had closed his eyes when he had removed the ivory mask, but after a moment slowly opened them to reveal...

The whole world seemed to stop.

The golden irises holding my frozen gaze took what little air I had left out of my lungs.

They were beautiful. Simply and utterly the most beautiful things I had seen on this planet.

Oh, had there ever been a more moving sight?

They encapsulated the universe in ways I doubted I would ever know, but by the heavens, I felt like I was seeing the world in a whole new light now that I had seen them again in this lifetime.

The tears began spilling down my face as the realization set in. Shin-ah's nervous look widened just a fraction, and he was hurrying to return his mask to his face. “Wait!” I choked while grabbing at his wrists to hold them in place. I sucked in a breath; it seemed I had forgotten how to breathe in the span of time those beautiful aurous irises had landed on me. “Please.” I smiled beneath the tears. “Let me look at them for a little longer.”

He obliged me, though with some discomfort. He attempted to hold his gaze on anything but my face, but it did not bother me in the slightest. Chao-Xing's memories were surging in torrents now. Those eyes had been the gateway to a lifetime now a thousand years long gone.

I removed my hold on him so that he could quickly replace his mask and pelt. I pressed a hand to my eyes to quell the tears as we sat in an awkward sort of silence, knowing that now was not the time for tears. My soul felt such odd contentment I could do nothing but smile like a child. I doubted the love that laced my veins would ever dissipate now that I had seen the golden eyes that forever anchored me to this man.

“I'm sorry for crying.” I tilted my head to squeeze an apologetic smile to the man. “You do not know how beautiful your eyes are. No.” I shook my head as a small giggle left my lips. “You do not understand how beautiful you are in general, Shin-ah.”

He shrugged lightly. “You're the beautiful one.”

_What?_

The man's fingers began to dig into the dirt with a little more energy than before. I knew his confession had flustered him as badly as it had me. I attempted to play off his honesty with a small laugh. “You really think that I'm beautiful?”

“Yes.” His fingers lifted from the dirt so he could curl them into his pants. Ao had stirred at the movement but thankfully had not woken again as he sat calmly. “Yoon asked me once.. What I thought about you.”

“Oh.” It was all I could manage as my heart did a somersault in my chest. Yoon had ventured such a touchy topic with the usually withdrawn man beside me when I had been out of earshot? What could he possibly hope to glean from that? “What question did he raise?”

“He wondered what words I would use to describe you and how you fit in my life.” I blinked as the confession continued to unfold. “I told him you were beautiful and...” His voice softened. “My most precious treasure.”

My breath caught again. His most precious treasure? I couldn't help but smile as the incandescent joy lifted me to unspeakable highs. Dear light, how did this man hear himself and not feel embarrassed? “Truly?”

He nodded lightly. My face was burning at his tender profession. He had placed me aside to be the most exalted thing in his life. No one had ever spoken such brazenly passionate words to me before. I had never imagined once in this dreary lifetime that I could be someone's treasure and yet, here I was with such a confession from the man I adored above any other.

“Thank you.” My response was soft with emotion. The tears were back, but I restrained them. I wrapped my arms around his like I had done last night. “I.. love you.” I smiled as my long-held confession finally emerged from the caged I had trapped it within. “I've loved you for a long time, Shin-ah.”

“And you're still leaving?”

My hands trembled against his bicep. “Yes.”

“I..” He had turned to look at me. I glanced up, only to see his face mere inches from my own. “I've never had anyone love me before.”

I blinked. The man had never known love? Not from a parent or family? My heart sank. He truly had known such cruelty in this world- perhaps even worse than I had.

“Please don't go.” His voice was frail like a child's. It broke my heart. He was so frightened to lose me. “Please stay with me.”

I pressed my face against his arm and sniffed back the gut-wrenching emotions threatening to spill from my tear-ducts. “I can't. We have to part for now. Don't think it will be for forever, though. I could not stand it.”

“When?” He pressed with a sudden urgency I did not think him capable of. “When can we be together?”

I laughed softly, but the humor was short lived. “I can't tell you. But I'm sure if both of us hope for it that the heavens will help it come true sometime in the future. For now, dear heart,” I lifted my face from his arm to give him a tender look. “You must aid Yona and do your part to protect her. Will you promise me that will you do that?”

He gave a slow nod, and my face lit up to know that he would not contest what I asked of him. “Good.” I leaned forward to place a kiss on the bottom of his cheek. “That is your calling.”

He was watching me when I pulled away, and I smiled at his silent curiosity. Was there something else he required from me? Were there more words his heart wished to share with me in these waning minutes we had together?

“Co-” He paused when I gave him my unwavering attention. I watched the blush creep from beneath his mask as he remained silent. What was the man getting flustered about now? “Could I kiss you?”

It was my turn to blush. “Of course.”

There was an awkward exchange as we shift our limbs to face each other. I tried to keep my gaze on him, but I was so nervous, I feared it showed on my face. Shin-ah himself seemed shaken; this was much more than a first kiss for both of us. It was a plunge into the unknown that marked a beginning as well as an end.

But gods, when his lips tentatively lowered to my own, the fear melted away like snow under a blinding ray of sunlight. It felt as though there were birds fluttering in my stomach, and when coupled with the pleasant feeling racing down my spine, I felt alive with energy. The surge of emotion that came from the light press his lips offered grew as the kiss lengthened and deepened.

We both pulled away after a few moments to catch our breath. I fiddled with my hair as I looked out to the ocean, and the smile that formed on my face was one I knew bloomed from all the wonderful feelings within me. I was looking at a new scene now; everything seemed to glow in the wake of the uncurling of all the hopes that once laid dormant within me.

“Thank you.” I lifted my eyes to look at him with tender gratefulness. “This gives me hope that you really will return one for me one day.”

He looked at me quietly. His gaze fell to his body for a moment, and I watched as he seemed to withdraw within the safety of his mind. It seemed best not to bother him. It didn't look as though my words had irritated him; he seemed to simply be mulling over the sudden change in our attraction.

His hand lifted to rest on one of his necklaces, and it remained there as he continued to think. After a moment, he moved both of his hands to the back of his neck and fiddled there to unclasp the smaller of his two necklaces until it slumped into his palms. He then extended the necklace out to me, shaking it for a few moments when I blinked in shock.

“For you.” He confessed as I tentatively ran my fingers over the smoothed stones. “To signify that I will come back to you.”

I looked at him in awe. “Shin-ah..”

“That necklace,” His look seemed a little introverted as his words trailed off. “Was passed down from one blue dragon warrior to another. The villagers gave it us to mark our curse. But...” He moved to cautiously curl his fingers into his palm so that the warm beads were now secured in my hand. “I want it to mark a time.. when we can both be free from our pasts.”

I was blinking back tears for the second time this evening. “Thank you.” My voice was wobbling with a plethora of emotions. I slipped the necklace around my own neck and clamped it shut. The smooth beads fell comfortably below my collarbone and added a gentle weight around my neck. A tender smile pulled at my lips. “I'll cherish it forever.”

Shin-ah lifted his hand to my cheek and quietly came in for a second kiss while I was least expecting it. I thumped my forehead against his mask before his lips could reach mine and moved to jerk my head back with a small wince of pain. The man offered a soft apology as I rubbed at the painfully tender skin for a moment. He quickly moved to discard his mask even after I reassured him that I really was fine.

His hands came to rest against the contour of my face, and I closed my eyes to relish in the second kiss we shared. This was more passionate and much deeper than before. It grew with the hunger in both of our bodies, leaving us both breathlessly on the cusp of a dangerous flood of desire I knew we could not heed to.

I lay against Shin-ah's body for the remainder of the evening, watching the night sky slowly lighten with the incoming dawn in a states of content bliss. He held me gently against himself, silent as I was for the rest of the evening. There was not much we could say that hadn't already been said in our conversation, but every touch, every stroke we gave to each other's body spoke volumes on its own. We broke every once in a while to readjust ourselves or Ao- who had clambered down from Shin-ah's shoulders to rest for some time on my own shoulder- or to place a kiss on a cheek, neck, or hand when the emotions overwhelmed us.

When the sun began to rise, I found myself unable to break the peacefully happy atmosphere that blanketed us both. Shin-ah had drifted off to sleep with his arms wrapped around my torso a few hours ago, and I did not have the heart to wake him. Yesterday had been so taxing to him; preparing for the fight, the fight itself, and then our lengthy, heartfelt talk must have drained the usually mellow man in ways only sleep could restore.

 I sat quietly in contemplative thought as the waves broken softer against the shore. This would be alright. We all would survive. Every chapter in life has its ending. Even if we parted ways for now, it might not be for forever. And if it was, so be it. These happy memories were enough to last me another thousand years if need be,


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, everyone... here's the last chapter. One last thank you to everyone who has followed this fic from start to finish. I hope from the bottom of my heart that you enjoyed it. There may be a prequel or sequel (maybe both, who knows?) but for the time being, I'm focusing my energies on more substantial writing projects this fic had been written in between. 
> 
> So without further ado, here's the final installment. Enjoy!

Dawdling would only prolong the inevitable set of goodbyes I needed to make today, and with a melancholy pang, I went to wake Shin-ah. He watched me scoot away as he stretched and offered a quiet good morning after he yawned. I bestowed a small smile upon him as I gave my own greeting in return. Ao was moving to scurry from my hold back to him and squeaked her own chipper greeting as she rubbed against the side of his cheek. He offered the squirrel a gentle stroke from his hand as she settled on his shoulder, but the warmth of the moment seemed to slowly vanish as he gazed at me with quiet concern.

“Are you sure..” He paused as another yawn left his mouth. “You won't change your mind about leaving?”

My lips tugged into a sad smile. “I've made my decision. Let's go find the others and settle this once and for all, hm?”

We both stood to our feet and looked out at the ocean for a few moments. My heart quickly descended into the pit of my stomach as I found myself unable to concentrate on the tranquil scene. I did not want to do this. Gods, why did life always make you choose one thing over the other in order to live? I wanted both so badly I wished time would halt for all eternity and let all of us live in the glorious morning the victory had brought. There would be no time for sadness; just gentle camaraderie, laughter, and tender connections to the people who had morphed my life into something beautiful and worthwhile.

My eyes lifted to Shin-ah, and I was soon blinking in shock after meeting his watchful gaze. No; perhaps he had always been watching me. My smile grew, though just a fraction. Bless this wonderful man and his unwavering attentiveness.

His face dipped, and the urge to say farewell was thrown out the window as we kissed. Everything seemed to vanish as our lips parted and met again. I did not know anything save for the unbridled love I felt for this man.

And the guilty, aching grief that seeped into my veins when I realized I was letting him slip between my fingers.

Tears cascaded down my cheeks as I looked into Shin-ah's face with unspoken anguish, and the man gave a small sound of concern before lifting his hands to quell the falling drops. “Don't cry.” His voice was soft when it came. “We made a promise.”

He lowered one of his hands to touch the necklace as it sat against my collarbone. The tender connection and hope slowly slid over the constricting misery until I stood contently in the wake of it all. A small smile pulled at my lips as I remembered the vow we made. Shin-ah would return one day. Perhaps not for many moons, or many years even, but the heavens would honor our vows and bring us back again. I had no doubt of it.

We walked in amiable silence back around the straight into Awa. My thoughts preoccupied my attention, and I found myself stumbling on a rock or uneven surface more often than not. Shin-ah did not harp me for being clumsy, nor did he give much concern save for an arm to catch or brace me when my balance faltered, and I was glad for it. The feeling only magnified when he took my hand in his own and led me on; the worries of the impending farewells ebbed away as the familiar feeling of his warmth seeped into my veins.

Awa was awake with some noise, but most still felt the aftereffects of reverie the night hours had poured over them. Some were sleeping in content little clusters around the smoking embers of the once glorious bonfires, while others were waking to groggily try to recap what the night had brought. A few of the crew saw us winding our way around the sleepy ensembles of citizens and gave a hearty hello as we approached. Shin-ah nodded in response, and I attempted to offer a kind smile to the men I realized would be the steady stream of company I would have for the foreseeable future.

Yoon called us both over when we were in his vicinity. Ki-ja was also with him, but the other three members of our group were nowhere to be seen. The white-haired man offered a kind hello to both Shin-ah and myself. He did not seem fazed by the fact that we had shown up together after hours of absence during the party. I doubted the man had noticed such a trivial detail during all the commotion; he had been swarmed by a bevy of beautiful women just as the other men of the group had been throughout the night.

The teen seemed to think otherwise and offered a slanted look of dubious concern as he slid his gaze from Shin-ah, who did not seemed fazed by the boy's scrutiny, to me as I attempted to hold his look with my own calm expression. His eyes seemed to focus on our still intertwined hands as well as my new necklace for a few moments longer than I was comfortable with, but when his face lifted into an amused smirk, I knew it did not bother him.

“You two finally figured it out on your own, huh?” He teased while standing a little less rigidly than before. Shin-ah offered a small nod as I blushed. Yoon's grin grew. “Good. Took you long enough.”

Ki-ja looked at the teen in confusion. “Am I missing something?”

“Look what's around Ming-Hua's neck.” Yoon prompted him with a sweep of his hand. I watched the man register the necklace, then me, and finally his dragon brother with a look of growing awe. “See? If that isn't a token of affection, I don't know what is.”

“Pardon me for not noticing before.” Ki-ja split an apologetic smile between the two of us. “Congratulations. I am happy for you both.”

“Who are we congratulating this early in the morning?”

We all turned to see Hak approaching. The man looked tired, and was missing his outer robe, but managed to give us all a smirk as he gauged our attention. Yona was not with him, which was a little alarming. He never seemed to leave her side; I wondered if something had happened between the two of them in similar ways to the development between Shin-ah and myself.

“Ming-Hua and Shin-ah.” Yoon confessed with a chortle. “It seems something good happened after they sneaked away this time.”

Hak held my nervous expression for a moment before smirking wider. “Seems like Yona won the bet this time around. Good. The two of you idiots running around like flustered fools who didn't know anything was getting on my damn nerves.”

“Hak!” Ki-ja shot the man a heavy look. “That's not fitting for this joyful occasion.”

“Anyway,” Yoon put in before the two hotheaded men could start an argument. “Where's Yona and Jae-ha? We need to be heading out soon.”

Hak's looked darkened for a moment but quickly eased into a guarded gaze as he shrugged lightly. “Yona wasn't feeling well, so she went to take a small walk before changing back into her traveling clothes. As for that other idiot, I don't remember him giving such any solid assurance that he was joining up with us.”

My stomach dropped. What in the world was Jae-ha thinking? Didn't he understand how important it was for him to join this group?

“Regardless of Jae-ha's decision,” Yoon put in with a sigh. “We need to be readying ourselves for being back on the road. The citizens around here have been more than kind enough to replenish our supplies for the time being, and Gi-gan's even offered us some medicinal aid.”

“How kind.” Ki-ja offered with gratefulness. “These people are truly generous.”

“It'll help us out in the long run. But,” Yoon lifted a finger to all of us. “Don't take it to mean any of you can slack off. Continuing on is going to be harder as we move away from villages and towns with enough to offer to a group this large.”

Hak snorted. “We know that. Stop treating us like children.”

“I'll stop treating you like children when you start acting like adults.” He paused to smirk at Shin-ah and me. “But I suppose we'll have to start making sure _some_ people don't act too much like adults while we're on the road. I won't have our group losing sleep because some others choose to make love.”

The group broke out in a multitude of reactions to Yoon's openly lewd comment. Ki-ja was shouting the boy's name as an embarrassed blush crept over his pale cheeks, Hak was laughing as if that was the most humorous thing he had heard in many moons, and I looked at the boy with a mixture of mortification and sadness. Shin-ah, too, did not act flustered; he understood as well as I did that nothing lewd nor nothing at all would happen between us after this morning.

“Am I missing something?”

The joking atmosphere was broken when Yona's kind inquiry broke over the noise. The fine clothing she had been wearing last night were replaced by the more tattered robes she had donned while we traveled,. The girl looked tired, almost weary- not the usual behavior one would expect after her victorious kill in yesterday's battle. Perhaps she dreaded leaving this place. Or perhaps not. The girl was as good with her barriers as Shin-ah was. I doubted we would know any time soon what plagued her thoughts.

“Your bet on Ming-Hua and Shin-ah pulled through.” Hak informed her as she handed him back his outer robe. Yona's eyes widened a fraction as she took us in, and the introverted look softened until she was smiling her own sort of congratulations. “Seems as though our group is going to have some more sudden changes to it than we thought.”

She offered a airy laugh. “I don't mind.” Her eyes filled with a few tears as she glanced at us again. “I really am happy for you two. This marks a new time in both of your lives. Despite all our teasing, all of us are happy that you have realized the connection between your souls.”

My own eyes filled with tears at her genuine kindness. Dear gods, my resolve to stay behind was beginning to crumble even further. How could I break away from these people who wished me happiness? What fool left a group that accommodated them so well?

I did not let the grief fester. My smile was honest, if a little forced. I was not leaving to harm them. This was what we all needed, even if at this moment it was not what I wanted. Not everything in life was easy. I could not wish to be coddled if I desired to be a woman who could overcome what hardships I had already been through.

The group settled to discuss their plans for traveling, and I did my best to look attentive as Yoon mapped their new journey that would take up close to the next turning of the moon. My mind was wandering, sifting through all the beautiful memories these five had brought to my life in that same span of time. One month. Gods, was that all it had taken to flip my life from chained to a horrid hell to reaching freely to the light?

“Ming-Hua?”

I jerked my head to see the group watching me with obvious concern. I tried to not show my true emotions. If I said my goodbyes too early, I knew the group would undoubtedly protest and not allow me to stay on. They would be too kind. They had always been too kind.

“Are you alright?” Yoon dipped his head to look at me. “It isn't like you to not light up at the sound of your nickname.”

“She didn't sleep at all.” Bless Shin-ah's compassionate heart. He had jumped in to rescue me when I doubted I could do it myself. “I think she's exhausted.”

Yoon's concerned look morphed to one of sly amusement. “Ah, I see.”

“You two sure hit it off last night, huh?” Hak seemed to feed off of the teen's unspoken lewdness. “Hope it can keep you satisfied for a few nights until we're comfortably back on the road.”

“Hak! Yoon!” Yona's voice was full of embarrassed shock. “There will be none of this talk now that they're actually together. It's disrespectful and none of our business what they choose to do in private.”

“Our princess is right.” Ki-ja nodded exuberantly. “Leave their romantic endeavors alone. I am sure both Shin-ah and Ming-Hua know what behavior is expected of them, unlike you two.”

There was a muffled disagreement from both Yoon and Hak, but the tension was quickly forgotten as Yoon got back to explaining something about the geographic layout of the areas the group was venturing into. The others all seemed absorbed in the teen's vast knowledge, and with a heavy heart, I realized how much I would miss his wisdom in the times ahead when I would surely need it. Everyone here had offered a unique connection to me that made my chest ache as I realized that strange camaraderie we all had formed would be severed in a mere hour or so.

The others were beginning to gather their packs and finish what little needed to be done for the journey ahead. Gi-gan's crew and some small clusters of the women they had saved came to offer assistance or a last minute item for the group, and both groups provided enough distractions to keep the other's attention off of me for the time being. I sat quietly with my face pressed against Shin-ah's arm as he re-sorted one of the packs Yoon had brought to us moments before and attempted to hold back my tears as I hid myself there. The pain was unbearable; the aching constriction was only growing the more time dwindled away.

Gi-gan appeared as we were finishing one last check on our items and offered to walk with us to the entryway of Awa if we'd allow her to. Our group had no qualms with the woman joining us, and before long, a small group of women, various members of the crew, and Gi-gan herself were following along behind us as we wound our way through the deserted streets of the city. The woman had looked at me once in question as we walked, and all I could do was offer a shaky nod in her direction to give her my resolution. Her face did not light up like I assumed it would; she seemed to understand the grief that came with making such a choice and thought the better of showing her own emotions.

The group turned to say goodbye to all the people they had become close to here in Awa, and I hid myself as well as I could as the farewells rang in the air all around me. The tears were threatening to spill from my eyes, but I held them in as a few of the crew offered me a quiet goodbye and wishes for happiness. No one seemed to know of the turmoil threatening to rip me apart from the inside out save for Gi-gan and Shin-ah, who both offered a fleeting glance of concern my way every so often. Their worries only made the horrible feeling intensify. Gods, I felt sick to my core.

The group turned to offer one last goodbye before Hak gave the command for everyone to head out, and I waited until all but Shin-ah had turned to sneak to Gi-gan's side. The man who had stolen my heart looked at me quietly, then lifted his hands out towards me. I took them, though with tears streaming down my face, and I hiccuped like a small child when he pressed his lips to my cheek.

“Goodbye.” He whispered into my ear. “For now, Ming-Hua.”

His hands offered mine one gentle squeeze before letting go. Gods, I could barely see through my own plummeting tears at that point. The grief was choking me; after suppressing it for hour upon hour, it seemed to know no boundaries as it left me shaking in its wake. Gi-gan came to steady me with her arm as the tears grew and my body began to shake violently. I hated myself for being weak. If I had been stronger, so much of this could have been avoided.

My sobs seemed to have attracted the attention of my departing group, and there was a sudden silence as neither the group from Awa nor my group understood what was happening. The people behind me were whispering in shock; they could not fathom why I was remaining beside Gi-gan while the rest of my group departed.

“Ming-Hua?” Yona was running back to me now and came to hold my hands in hers when she stopped. I could barely make out her beautiful eyes as she watched me sob uncontrollably. “What's wrong? Why are you crying like this?”

Gi-gan offered a small sigh as she squeezed me in her hold. “Out with it, girl. Or you'll never forgive yourself.”

I nodded my understanding and attempted to calm myself enough to get the words out. The sudden tension only made the tears grow worse. I could barely breathe out of my streaming nose or constricting throat. The pain was unbearable. Never in a million moons did I think parting with anyone could be this difficult.

“I-” The word was strangled when it finally came. Yona sucked in a breath of shock that only made my tears revamp again. “I'm staying here.”

“Wait, what?” Hak had joined us now and was filling the air with growing tension as his condescending question fell over us. “Since when can you talk? And what's this all of a sudden?”

“Sorry.” I clutched my hands into my robe as the words left me. “I'm sorry. So sorry.”

“Is that all you have to say for yourself?” Hak was pushing my limits now; it seemed he was exasperated with the sudden change of plans. “You choose to speak now?! After all the times we-”

“Don't.” Shin-ah's voice cut him off. I doubted anyone would contest him with the tone of voice the usually calm man was now using.

Yona offered a small sigh. “Shin-ah, did you know that she could speak all this time?”

He made a sound of agreement but did not offer anything more.

“Why didn't you ever talk to us?” She was speaking to me now. My hands tightened in my robe. I hated the guilt those seven words brought. “We.. we always wanted to hear what you had to say.”

“It is not that she had nothing to share with you.” Gi-gan rubbed my arm with motherly reassurance as she stopped the others from lashing out any further. “There was simply too much for her to say. She knew the pain it would bring to you all. It is best that she remains here with me. Do not be angry with her; I am the one who offered for her to stay behind in Awa. I doubted she would have come to such a conclusion on her own.”

“Why?” Yoon put in calmly when I knew he must have been anything but. “Why do you want her to stay here with you?”

“Ming-hua needs to heal.” Her voice was soft, but stern. I was grateful that she interceded for me; I doubted I could get more than a few words out now. “Her body is battered in ways you think you understand but do not. I have time and resources to offer her that you simply cannot on the road. This is what's best for all of you. I think she is just ashamed that she could not admit that to you of her own accord.”

“So this is it?” Yona's voice was a frail whisper when the woman removed her hold on me so I could clean my face. “This is where we suddenly say goodbye?”

I nodded solemnly. The tears had not died down, but they had quieted enough that I could speak. “Thank you.” I could barely lift my head long enough to look into each of their shocked faces. “All of you. I-”

Yona suddenly threw her arms around me and began to wail into my chest as she held me tight. I could not process what she was doing until the girl began mumbling things into my bosom and felt the torrent of tears return at her unexpected grief. I uncurled my hands from my robe and slowly slid them around her. It was so hard; gods, why did anyone ever have to be connected to someone like me?

The girl pulled away after a few moments, and the atmosphere seemed so terribly sad I wondered if it would ever lift from my body. Everyone else was watching on in shock or looking away as they struggled to process the ties I had just undone of my own accord. I doubted the happy farewells they had been imagining ever included such a heartbreaking scene.

Slowly but surely, each of the other four offered a parting of their own. Hak was first, and offered a kind pat to my head while telling Gi-gan that she'd have her hands full with me before sauntering over to Yona's side to quell her tears.

Ki-ja was next. “Thank you for the luminous joy you have brought to us all.” He laid his hand on my shoulder as he always had throughout our journey. “I wish you the brightest future possible here in Awa.”

Yoon was just after him and looked as terrible as the usually complacent teen could have at a time like this. “I wish you would have told us before.” His face was twisted in grief. “It doesn't feel right, saying goodbye like this all of a sudden.”

My face scrunched. “You were so kind to me, Yoon. Thank you... for all the help you gave to me when I didn't deserve it.” I lifted my hands to tug him into my body. “I will always think of you as my little brother.”

“Idiot.” He blubbered against my chest when he held me as tightly as Yona had. “What kind of big sister leaves out of the blue like this?”

“Only a terrible one.” I agreed when I pulled away. Yoon was hastily scrubbing at his cheeks, but he could not completely rid the tear-stained complexion that lingered on his face. I tried to smile; he would do so much better without someone like me weighing him down. “The group needs you to keep them safe and healthy. You'll be just fine.”

He rolled his eyes. “I know that. The real question,” His expression shifted back to something serious. “Is will you?”

I turned to look at Gi-gan and caught sight of the moved pirates just behind her. The look in their eyes reassured me that I would not be an added burden to their lives. A smile tugged at my lips as I moved to hold his gaze again. “I will.”

“Good.” He nodded. “That's all that matters.”

There was an awkward shifting as the group found themselves unable to leave. I felt my eyes glance from one person to another, until they inevitably landed on Shin-ah. He was already watching me quietly and lifted a finger to his neck when he realized he now held my attention. A quivering smile lingered on my lips. The hope he had bestowed upon me would be the reason I would make it through these times away from them.

“You all should be going.” Gi-gan prompted the others with a little more kindness than I would have thought her possible of. Perhaps she too felt some grief in parting with them. “If you ever have need of my ship, or of Ming-Hua, they will both be here at your disposal.”

Yona's lips lifted, but the look in her eyes reminded me that she was far from finished grieving. “Thank you.” Her eyes turned to me. “We will meet again some day. I promise.”

I nodded. “I will patiently wait for that time.” I looked over my shoulder to Gi-gan with a grateful smile. “So I can show you how far I've gotten.”

The woman's lips wobbled, and she gave me a gentle squeeze in her arms. When I turned to look back at the group, their auras had changed. It seemed the honest interaction between Gi-gan and myself had been more than enough to reassure them that this was what was best for all of us. I nodded my head down the path and smiled with the loving gratefulness spilling from every ounce in my body until they slowly turned and made their way up the path.

Shin-ah offered one final nod in parting to me, and pointed to the necklace on last time before sauntering off after the others. I did not allow myself to weep until I was positive he would not turn back- that none of the five who had stolen my heart would falter to sever the tie between our souls for the time being. Gi-gan's arms rubbed mine with vigor, and she whispered how proud she was of me before letting me sob uncontrollably into her bosom.

Her pirate crew was crowding around us now, rubbing my back or reassuring me that they would take care of me while I remained here. A tiny smile pulled at my lips as the tears continued; there was so much compassion in this place. And with it, I could heal, and come to accept the woman I had and would always be.

For one day, one day in the distant future, the stars would realign and I would be with the love of my life as a unwavering pillar of strength and hope in his life.

A time unmarked by curse or tragedy. Could such a day truly exist?

 

 


End file.
